Thanks for the reminder. Some bullies are very persistent and very hurtful. It's difficult for a child to understand mature psychology. I agree with the need to get help and for it to stop. I also agree with the importance of coming to see the true motivation behind the hurtful behavior. It is liberating even if it takes years to get ones mind and heart to accept the need to view the bully in a new light...the light of the gospel. For me, that was when I truly began to heal. Thank you, Brother Decker, for another very helpful article.
Renaissance NerdApril 19, 2015
I was bullied quite a bit as a kid, especially in 5th & 6th grade, and from my own experience I can attest to the truth of the author's assertion. I always pitied the bullies, and it works almost like judo--uses their 'strengths' against them. The guy who broke my arm ended up being my best friend in 7th & 8th grade. He was the only one of the group who really felt remorse over the whole thing so it doesn't work on everyone, but it worked on me. Instead of assuming there was something wrong with me that made them bully me, I always felt like there was something wrong with THEM, and that they simply wouldn't understand how small it made them, how pathetic. I would love to be able to explain how exactly I reached that conclusion at the age of 11, but I can't. It was a mix of pre-rational beliefs and logical arguments and I think inspirational insight. I remember the exact moment that it dawned on me, however, and I felt a huge upwelling of pity for the guys pushing me around. After they broke my arm and I didn't cry or rat them out I went from Jim-boob to Jim-boom so it did have a positive effect all around, even if most pretended it had all been an accident. Most importantly, because I pitied instead of resented them, there was no long-term caustic effect on my personality; I pitied everybody who's not me, poor souls.
CarolApril 18, 2015
This reminds me of Star Wars - Luke prevails over Darth Vader when he begins to have compassion for Anakin Skywalker.
I wonder if we could apply this to international politics.
KathyApril 17, 2015
Fine-but have you ever personally been bullied? Bullying can be so hurtful to a shy insecure child, that there can be issues for years.Often bullying attracts a group where no one would even dare stand up for the child. Further damage is done. Because of the struggle for self-worth on both sides, it makes sense to me, that it needs to be stopped, mediated, peer supported, & like a father online did-He made a poster for his offending son stating what he did & apologizing.At 4:30 am, the son did extensive chores. He was sent to school to post the poster!
RitaApril 17, 2015
In the book Ender's Game, Ender learns a most powerful lesson about bullies. When you come to love your enemy, that's the moment that your enemy is destroyed. In the case of the bug-like Formen, that was a literal destruction that Ender had to make amends for. But in the case of his brother, who had tormented Ender throughout his childhood, Ender's love for him destroyed his mental and emotional power he had developed over Ender. Love is always more powerful than hate, Pity is the beginning of love, as it helps us to see inside the bully, and opens our heart to the Spirit.
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AngelApril 24, 2015
Thanks for the reminder. Some bullies are very persistent and very hurtful. It's difficult for a child to understand mature psychology. I agree with the need to get help and for it to stop. I also agree with the importance of coming to see the true motivation behind the hurtful behavior. It is liberating even if it takes years to get ones mind and heart to accept the need to view the bully in a new light...the light of the gospel. For me, that was when I truly began to heal. Thank you, Brother Decker, for another very helpful article.
Renaissance NerdApril 19, 2015
I was bullied quite a bit as a kid, especially in 5th & 6th grade, and from my own experience I can attest to the truth of the author's assertion. I always pitied the bullies, and it works almost like judo--uses their 'strengths' against them. The guy who broke my arm ended up being my best friend in 7th & 8th grade. He was the only one of the group who really felt remorse over the whole thing so it doesn't work on everyone, but it worked on me. Instead of assuming there was something wrong with me that made them bully me, I always felt like there was something wrong with THEM, and that they simply wouldn't understand how small it made them, how pathetic. I would love to be able to explain how exactly I reached that conclusion at the age of 11, but I can't. It was a mix of pre-rational beliefs and logical arguments and I think inspirational insight. I remember the exact moment that it dawned on me, however, and I felt a huge upwelling of pity for the guys pushing me around. After they broke my arm and I didn't cry or rat them out I went from Jim-boob to Jim-boom so it did have a positive effect all around, even if most pretended it had all been an accident. Most importantly, because I pitied instead of resented them, there was no long-term caustic effect on my personality; I pitied everybody who's not me, poor souls.
CarolApril 18, 2015
This reminds me of Star Wars - Luke prevails over Darth Vader when he begins to have compassion for Anakin Skywalker. I wonder if we could apply this to international politics.
KathyApril 17, 2015
Fine-but have you ever personally been bullied? Bullying can be so hurtful to a shy insecure child, that there can be issues for years.Often bullying attracts a group where no one would even dare stand up for the child. Further damage is done. Because of the struggle for self-worth on both sides, it makes sense to me, that it needs to be stopped, mediated, peer supported, & like a father online did-He made a poster for his offending son stating what he did & apologizing.At 4:30 am, the son did extensive chores. He was sent to school to post the poster!
RitaApril 17, 2015
In the book Ender's Game, Ender learns a most powerful lesson about bullies. When you come to love your enemy, that's the moment that your enemy is destroyed. In the case of the bug-like Formen, that was a literal destruction that Ender had to make amends for. But in the case of his brother, who had tormented Ender throughout his childhood, Ender's love for him destroyed his mental and emotional power he had developed over Ender. Love is always more powerful than hate, Pity is the beginning of love, as it helps us to see inside the bully, and opens our heart to the Spirit.
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