Mariah, I wish I could give you a huge hug. You speak so many words I've felt myself--the frustration, the lack of control over the growth I'd like to experience vs. the growth I'm forced to experience, the longing for former opportunities, the desire to lean into the stage I'm in with more fullness of heart. Your stage of life is so tender and delightful, and so exhausting and repetitive. Many other delightful stages are ahead! And they'll come with their own challenges (my girls are now 15, 13, and 11 and their problems at this age are less simple to solve). I gobble up every article you write and am so appreciative of your depth of perspective. You're a wonderful mother--and the particular struggles you face will add nuance and wisdom to your experience that will lift and comfort others.
Ana BlakeMay 10, 2024
This so spoke to my heart although I am a little further down the path of motherhood than you--six of my 11 kids have "flown" but I SO remember experiencing many of the frustrations you mentioned. It IS frustrating to have gifts you want to express but that have been put on "hold" for less satisfying stuff like laundry and dishes. What was hardest for me was the near constant bids for my attention, often leaving me feeling fragmented by the end of the day. "Will I EVER get to have a complete thought again?" What I can see now that was less apparent then is that what you are doing WILL stick. When I see my grown children raising their kids, faithfully holding callings, and attending to their prayers and scripture study and bearing vibrant testimonies of the Restoration, I can see that all those days and nights where it seemed so much was "temporary" wasn't. It just takes a long time to see the results. This does not change the day to day grind that can feel so heavy and burdensome, especially when you have a certain intellectual gifts like you do. This is all process of refining and growth and if we keep trying and trust the Lord, he will show ways to find joy NOW as the oh so important work of rearing these previous, natural man little kids goes forward. Thank you for your article!
Linda WestoverMay 10, 2024
Yes, it is a long hard struggle to become the kind of mother we long to be, especially if we feel that we're expected to be perfect. I believe it is BECAUSE we love so much, we place extra pressure upon ourselves to be nothing short of perfect. But we have no way of knowing what "perfect" looks like for our particular family members. I'm convinced that doing our best over the long run IS PERFECT to Him who knows our hearts and desires. Motherhood is as much about the effect it has upon our becoming refined as it is about the effect we have on shaping our children. Slow and steady wins the race!
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RachelMay 11, 2024
I really appreciated this message, thank you.
MeganMay 10, 2024
Mariah, I wish I could give you a huge hug. You speak so many words I've felt myself--the frustration, the lack of control over the growth I'd like to experience vs. the growth I'm forced to experience, the longing for former opportunities, the desire to lean into the stage I'm in with more fullness of heart. Your stage of life is so tender and delightful, and so exhausting and repetitive. Many other delightful stages are ahead! And they'll come with their own challenges (my girls are now 15, 13, and 11 and their problems at this age are less simple to solve). I gobble up every article you write and am so appreciative of your depth of perspective. You're a wonderful mother--and the particular struggles you face will add nuance and wisdom to your experience that will lift and comfort others.
Ana BlakeMay 10, 2024
This so spoke to my heart although I am a little further down the path of motherhood than you--six of my 11 kids have "flown" but I SO remember experiencing many of the frustrations you mentioned. It IS frustrating to have gifts you want to express but that have been put on "hold" for less satisfying stuff like laundry and dishes. What was hardest for me was the near constant bids for my attention, often leaving me feeling fragmented by the end of the day. "Will I EVER get to have a complete thought again?" What I can see now that was less apparent then is that what you are doing WILL stick. When I see my grown children raising their kids, faithfully holding callings, and attending to their prayers and scripture study and bearing vibrant testimonies of the Restoration, I can see that all those days and nights where it seemed so much was "temporary" wasn't. It just takes a long time to see the results. This does not change the day to day grind that can feel so heavy and burdensome, especially when you have a certain intellectual gifts like you do. This is all process of refining and growth and if we keep trying and trust the Lord, he will show ways to find joy NOW as the oh so important work of rearing these previous, natural man little kids goes forward. Thank you for your article!
Linda WestoverMay 10, 2024
Yes, it is a long hard struggle to become the kind of mother we long to be, especially if we feel that we're expected to be perfect. I believe it is BECAUSE we love so much, we place extra pressure upon ourselves to be nothing short of perfect. But we have no way of knowing what "perfect" looks like for our particular family members. I'm convinced that doing our best over the long run IS PERFECT to Him who knows our hearts and desires. Motherhood is as much about the effect it has upon our becoming refined as it is about the effect we have on shaping our children. Slow and steady wins the race!
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