It is difficult to see how this advice will help, when the Grandmother is already repeatedly reaching out and communicating love with no response from her daughter-in-law. The daughter-in-law is using the power play of silence to try and control her mother-in-law. It is time to put the ball back in the daughter-in-law's court: "I love you all very much, and I am saddened by your choice not to communicate with me. I don't wish to cause you any pain, so I will honor your wishes and wait until you let me know you are ready to have a loving relationship." Then, wait.
a sister in zionMarch 12, 2023
I think the advice to try to grow closer to the mother is wise. She may simply need listening ear and voice of empathy to make it through her own experience as a mother. She also may need more help than others sense. For reasons still unclear to me, i have had multiple people nearby but at times no support for very rhavy burdens. One of my ministering teachers told me no when I finally reached out for help. Some women carry silent heavy burdens and wounds unseen. I personally have four autoimmune disease and struggle daily with my calling supporting my husband and caring for my family. Perhaps as you get to know her you will be inspired if you simply need to emotionally support her or advocate with you son and others if her needs are being unmet. You could also perhaps potentially provide physical assistance even thkgih you live far away. Arrange to read to the childrne when she need help or to do something they would interrupt, send s gift card with money for dinner, mail her paper plates cups napkins and disposable silverware with a note for dish duty after dinner. There are lots of ways to support young mothers and I am sure you will be inspired to find a way to reconnect.
R. JensenMarch 12, 2023
Where is the son in all this? Could he possibly explain to his mother why his wife is cutting off communication?
RobMarch 11, 2023
Really all we can do in these situations is to keep sending letters and texts of love. Eventually the grandchildren will want contact. I've seen this happen many times in my area with family and neighbors over the decades. The sad fact is once a person has realized they were too controlling... is because they face the same problem with their grown up children.
SMarch 10, 2023
Why is there absolutely no mention of this woman's son who is the father of those grandchildren? He's really allowing this to go on? As if he agrees that they should be calling the shots on where grandma lives? Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.
KateMarch 10, 2023
This is excellent advise, and I hope that this woman can rebuild her relationship with her DIL, but it seems very curious that her son was barely mentioned.She's a DIL, not an ex-DIL, so one assumes the son is still a part of this family. It seems very odd that he goes along with this treatment of his mom (especially for the reasons indicated), and surely HE should be part of this renegotiation of this relationship. Either some very pertinent info has been left out of this question and answer, or we are left to think that the husband has no responsibility at all in this situation. Why does he get to be the silent partner?
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MaryannMarch 20, 2023
It is difficult to see how this advice will help, when the Grandmother is already repeatedly reaching out and communicating love with no response from her daughter-in-law. The daughter-in-law is using the power play of silence to try and control her mother-in-law. It is time to put the ball back in the daughter-in-law's court: "I love you all very much, and I am saddened by your choice not to communicate with me. I don't wish to cause you any pain, so I will honor your wishes and wait until you let me know you are ready to have a loving relationship." Then, wait.
a sister in zionMarch 12, 2023
I think the advice to try to grow closer to the mother is wise. She may simply need listening ear and voice of empathy to make it through her own experience as a mother. She also may need more help than others sense. For reasons still unclear to me, i have had multiple people nearby but at times no support for very rhavy burdens. One of my ministering teachers told me no when I finally reached out for help. Some women carry silent heavy burdens and wounds unseen. I personally have four autoimmune disease and struggle daily with my calling supporting my husband and caring for my family. Perhaps as you get to know her you will be inspired if you simply need to emotionally support her or advocate with you son and others if her needs are being unmet. You could also perhaps potentially provide physical assistance even thkgih you live far away. Arrange to read to the childrne when she need help or to do something they would interrupt, send s gift card with money for dinner, mail her paper plates cups napkins and disposable silverware with a note for dish duty after dinner. There are lots of ways to support young mothers and I am sure you will be inspired to find a way to reconnect.
R. JensenMarch 12, 2023
Where is the son in all this? Could he possibly explain to his mother why his wife is cutting off communication?
RobMarch 11, 2023
Really all we can do in these situations is to keep sending letters and texts of love. Eventually the grandchildren will want contact. I've seen this happen many times in my area with family and neighbors over the decades. The sad fact is once a person has realized they were too controlling... is because they face the same problem with their grown up children.
SMarch 10, 2023
Why is there absolutely no mention of this woman's son who is the father of those grandchildren? He's really allowing this to go on? As if he agrees that they should be calling the shots on where grandma lives? Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.
KateMarch 10, 2023
This is excellent advise, and I hope that this woman can rebuild her relationship with her DIL, but it seems very curious that her son was barely mentioned.She's a DIL, not an ex-DIL, so one assumes the son is still a part of this family. It seems very odd that he goes along with this treatment of his mom (especially for the reasons indicated), and surely HE should be part of this renegotiation of this relationship. Either some very pertinent info has been left out of this question and answer, or we are left to think that the husband has no responsibility at all in this situation. Why does he get to be the silent partner?
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