I suggest you by an inclusive family..make sure your fatheri in law is invited to everything that happens in your family..as in a very personal heart felt one on one invitation. Also find things he likes and send him something just for being for him being who he is. This may seem like bribing but I have found that going out of my way to do something more for the person whom I have offended helps to ease the strain. In other words kill him with love and kindness. It may not change him but it will change your feeling as you look for ways to serve. And always smile when he is around..he will start to wonder why ? My family has done this with neighbors and it works great .
MaryannNovember 16, 2013
Sometimes people turn the offenses they receive into a power play weapon against the offender. When we have truly apologized and the person we have hurt refuses to forgive and move on, it's best to let it go. You have done what you can and now the spirit needs to work in that person. I would not continue to ask for forgiveness or go overboard in trying to win their approval. I would be warm and engage in conversation as if nothing had happened. Your unease, even though understandable, may only make it more difficult for them to move on.
NNovember 15, 2013
I have a similar problem with a brother. I have apologized to him 4 or 5 times for things that were very small that he said I had done to him, and he would then just make me feel like I was a pile of crap. Later, I realized that he had done some of the same things to me only I had not taken offense and had brushed them off. That was 25 years ago. Family gatherings were uncomfortable at first, if he were there because he knew that our siblings thought he was wrong. We still do not talk which is fine with me now. It hurt for many years. One thing that I learned is that "you cannot get along with someone that does not want to get along". I know now what set him off in the first place was that he blames me for him not getting property that he presumptuously thought he should have gotten when our father died.
I suggest that you talk to councilor in Family Services. You are going to have go this on your own. He is not going to change without some other in-law pushing him to change.
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Rickie Findlay November 16, 2013
I suggest you by an inclusive family..make sure your fatheri in law is invited to everything that happens in your family..as in a very personal heart felt one on one invitation. Also find things he likes and send him something just for being for him being who he is. This may seem like bribing but I have found that going out of my way to do something more for the person whom I have offended helps to ease the strain. In other words kill him with love and kindness. It may not change him but it will change your feeling as you look for ways to serve. And always smile when he is around..he will start to wonder why ? My family has done this with neighbors and it works great .
MaryannNovember 16, 2013
Sometimes people turn the offenses they receive into a power play weapon against the offender. When we have truly apologized and the person we have hurt refuses to forgive and move on, it's best to let it go. You have done what you can and now the spirit needs to work in that person. I would not continue to ask for forgiveness or go overboard in trying to win their approval. I would be warm and engage in conversation as if nothing had happened. Your unease, even though understandable, may only make it more difficult for them to move on.
NNovember 15, 2013
I have a similar problem with a brother. I have apologized to him 4 or 5 times for things that were very small that he said I had done to him, and he would then just make me feel like I was a pile of crap. Later, I realized that he had done some of the same things to me only I had not taken offense and had brushed them off. That was 25 years ago. Family gatherings were uncomfortable at first, if he were there because he knew that our siblings thought he was wrong. We still do not talk which is fine with me now. It hurt for many years. One thing that I learned is that "you cannot get along with someone that does not want to get along". I know now what set him off in the first place was that he blames me for him not getting property that he presumptuously thought he should have gotten when our father died. I suggest that you talk to councilor in Family Services. You are going to have go this on your own. He is not going to change without some other in-law pushing him to change.
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