This comment is for Rusty. I am now experiencing the same thing you did. My friend has left the church, and I naively thought I could find the answers for her, but found that there is no one who will listen to my questions, or explain some of the things I have found. The more I have tried to get answers, the more confused I have become. Now my family is angry with me for questioning, but I want to understand what is going on with ALL of the "evidence" I am finding that is completely troubling. Has anyone found help in this regard?
Friend of 2 who leftMarch 21, 2015
Thanks for sharing your story. I love the statement Clarke Echols shared, I plan to remember that! I have 2 friends that have left the church. I don't judge, I feel a bit scared for them. I keep reassuring my female friend I will love her no matter what. I will have to admit it is very difficult to continue teaching my primary class when I have read all the ugliness about the history of church beginnings. I have even gone so far in my thinking to think I need to stop going to church. I then tell myself Satan is very strong and just keep having faith! I am thankful for president Uchtdorf's testimony, and my strong, faithful friends in the church. How can I be strong for my "left the church" friends when an occasional doubt enters my mind? Any suggestions? What is the best thing for me to do when my "left the church" friends are trying to share their new beliefs, and keep trying to convince me of how wrong I am for having the faith to stay a member? I do have a testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel, maybe not so much about the history of the activities of those in church history.
Rusty JonesMarch 19, 2015
Dana,
My story started out similar to yours. I tried to help someone close to me resolve their doubts about the church. I thought I had heard it all, and that I could resolve the doubts. Oh boy was I wrong! The person close to me told me troubling things about the church I had never heard before, and when I did my research using only church sources, all these things were confirmed to be real issues (If you want proof just read all the new essays the church put out). I went to FARMs and found inadequate answers, I went to my bishop and all he did was confirm that the issues were indeed real, gave no good answers. I went to the Lord in prayer and...nothing. After trying so hard to keep my faith, after over a year of struggling, I just felt dishonest pretending to believe in it and eventually stopped attending.
My advice is don't be so judgmental of those who've left, until you've walked down the road they've traveled you don't know anything of what they've gone through.
Don't use generalizations like saying they are so "dark" now or that they believe in "false information." I've been accused of believing in false information but when I ask what exactly have I said that is false? I get no responses and even had one member apologize to me for accusing me of such things, I had church sources to back up what I was saying.
Just relax, try to understand their point of view, don't make generalized blanket statements that aren't true or are hurtful.
DanaMarch 16, 2015
So the second part to my ramblings... ;)
If you feel comfortable, I would be interested to know if "historical issues" were ever a part of your struggles. I know for a fact it is a part of my loved ones new beliefs as they have basically told us we are all crazy for believing "the lies". They have found like minded groups who have helped take them so far from the truth-they feed off of each other. I pray every day to know how to help my loved ones. I pray for specifics. I pray for softened hearts and for them to have their own conversion experience that they choose to internalize. I pray for myself to love them through this the best I can, but I'm not going to lie...the part you said about being happy for people no matter their path of happiness is a tough one when it's someone close to you. Someone you've seen walk in the light and is now floundering in the dark. And I say the dark because they are not happy. They are depressed and confused and lonely and angry. I've lived the majority of my life outside of Utah and have never had a problem with others choices that aren't in line with mine, but this hits too close to home. I don't know how to step back from it in a way that is non-judgmental, but still concerned and helpful. Do you have any advice for me as to how I can help them? What can I do? Was there anything someone did for you during that time that planted a seed of hope? I know they have agency and I can't make them come back, but there has to be something I can do. Would you feel comfortable sharing the moment or moments that triggered your stepping back on the path of the gospel light? I sincerely long for some guidance in this regard. Thank you so much in advance.
DanaMarch 16, 2015
Thank you for sharing your story. It is good to hear as I have 2 close family members who have not just left the church, but have gone apostate. I think most if it stems from not having their faith embedded in their hearts from the beginning ( for whatever reason) and so it was easy to let their doubts to become stronger than their faith. Satan works in subtle ways... often by close associates. Sadly, there is too much false information and dubious people to be found on the internet today and I believe that the historical issues that Rusty Jones talks about is exactly what led them astray as they looked for answers in the wrong places. I don't understand why misery loves company. I think that the "exmormon friends" that you and my loved ones associate with is exactly the problem. Our religion is not a pick and choose religion. With all due respect, it is not to pick out the bits you like and to "leave the oblivious lies and confiscation behind". The line has been drawn and you need to be either all in or out. This is not to say that there are not legitimate struggles and doubts that people deal with everyday, because those things are a necessary part of the Plan. I'm just saying that "Who's on the Lord's Side, Who?" rings truer than ever in the world today. I'm so glad the author chose the good side, the "needful part" if you will. It makes my heart so happy to see one find their way, as I watch my loved ones grapple in the dark like lost sheep.
Helen SweanyMarch 14, 2015
Why did you leave Mormonism before returning to it?
StephanieMarch 12, 2015
You have set an example for us all by your honesty and willingness to share your own story. So many are fearful of the consequences that will come from judgment of other people and it holds them back. All the while it seems to be the actual fear of not being faithful enough that we are focused on. Yet it requires more faith to return than to leave. As have many others I share a similar story. I still remember and I live away from the mainstream LDS culture because I feel it is a more comfortable setting. That said, I do visit family often and I attend church in the heart of the valley and feel welcome. Thanks again for your story.
NancyMarch 12, 2015
Welcome back! We are all needed to press forward and help others. I liked your comment on many cultures in the church that are different. It is so true. The long standing Utah culture is very different from the many others I have experienced and I have often mentioned this to those in Utah who look at me like I said something weird. Glad you mentioned the cultures being different, yet our beliefs in God are the same and love for one another is essential.
Anna BarbieriMarch 12, 2015
Beautifully stated. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Rusty JonesMarch 12, 2015
As someone who left the church 2 years ago and had a family member share this article with me. I found that your experience has very little in common with mine or other exmormon friends I associate with. We left over historical issues, for those of us who've gone down the rabbit hole of church history its hard to go back to the white washed version of church history. If for some crazy reason I ever went back it wouldn't be with stronger faith but it would be with the attitude of not taking the church so seriously, taking the good things and leaving the obvious lies and confiscation behind. It would be a much more liberal approach.
annetteMarch 12, 2015
Thanks for sharing!!
ssjacksonMarch 12, 2015
The LDS in your ward, etc. are to be congratulated. they must really be enlightened and conversant in how to act when people come back. Shamefully, too few get the need for "come back" etiquette.
Hope we can learn it better...your story/article will help.
ssjackson
Dena SimisterMarch 12, 2015
Welcome Back!!
Steve HodkinMarch 12, 2015
While I never 'left' the church, I was inactive for a number of years. I can remember how scary it was to come back too.
As I read through your list of things learned, I tick all the same boxes.
Thank you for your insight and sharing it with us.
Robert StarlingMarch 12, 2015
Welcome back! And thanks for sharing. Hopefully your experiences will be an encouragement for others.
Clarke EcholsMarch 12, 2015
When tripping over the obstacles of life, thinking we have failed, always remember: If the value of the experience exceeds the cost of obtaining it, you have not failed.
Comments | Return to Story
RobertApril 17, 2015
This comment is for Rusty. I am now experiencing the same thing you did. My friend has left the church, and I naively thought I could find the answers for her, but found that there is no one who will listen to my questions, or explain some of the things I have found. The more I have tried to get answers, the more confused I have become. Now my family is angry with me for questioning, but I want to understand what is going on with ALL of the "evidence" I am finding that is completely troubling. Has anyone found help in this regard?
Friend of 2 who leftMarch 21, 2015
Thanks for sharing your story. I love the statement Clarke Echols shared, I plan to remember that! I have 2 friends that have left the church. I don't judge, I feel a bit scared for them. I keep reassuring my female friend I will love her no matter what. I will have to admit it is very difficult to continue teaching my primary class when I have read all the ugliness about the history of church beginnings. I have even gone so far in my thinking to think I need to stop going to church. I then tell myself Satan is very strong and just keep having faith! I am thankful for president Uchtdorf's testimony, and my strong, faithful friends in the church. How can I be strong for my "left the church" friends when an occasional doubt enters my mind? Any suggestions? What is the best thing for me to do when my "left the church" friends are trying to share their new beliefs, and keep trying to convince me of how wrong I am for having the faith to stay a member? I do have a testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel, maybe not so much about the history of the activities of those in church history.
Rusty JonesMarch 19, 2015
Dana, My story started out similar to yours. I tried to help someone close to me resolve their doubts about the church. I thought I had heard it all, and that I could resolve the doubts. Oh boy was I wrong! The person close to me told me troubling things about the church I had never heard before, and when I did my research using only church sources, all these things were confirmed to be real issues (If you want proof just read all the new essays the church put out). I went to FARMs and found inadequate answers, I went to my bishop and all he did was confirm that the issues were indeed real, gave no good answers. I went to the Lord in prayer and...nothing. After trying so hard to keep my faith, after over a year of struggling, I just felt dishonest pretending to believe in it and eventually stopped attending. My advice is don't be so judgmental of those who've left, until you've walked down the road they've traveled you don't know anything of what they've gone through. Don't use generalizations like saying they are so "dark" now or that they believe in "false information." I've been accused of believing in false information but when I ask what exactly have I said that is false? I get no responses and even had one member apologize to me for accusing me of such things, I had church sources to back up what I was saying. Just relax, try to understand their point of view, don't make generalized blanket statements that aren't true or are hurtful.
DanaMarch 16, 2015
So the second part to my ramblings... ;) If you feel comfortable, I would be interested to know if "historical issues" were ever a part of your struggles. I know for a fact it is a part of my loved ones new beliefs as they have basically told us we are all crazy for believing "the lies". They have found like minded groups who have helped take them so far from the truth-they feed off of each other. I pray every day to know how to help my loved ones. I pray for specifics. I pray for softened hearts and for them to have their own conversion experience that they choose to internalize. I pray for myself to love them through this the best I can, but I'm not going to lie...the part you said about being happy for people no matter their path of happiness is a tough one when it's someone close to you. Someone you've seen walk in the light and is now floundering in the dark. And I say the dark because they are not happy. They are depressed and confused and lonely and angry. I've lived the majority of my life outside of Utah and have never had a problem with others choices that aren't in line with mine, but this hits too close to home. I don't know how to step back from it in a way that is non-judgmental, but still concerned and helpful. Do you have any advice for me as to how I can help them? What can I do? Was there anything someone did for you during that time that planted a seed of hope? I know they have agency and I can't make them come back, but there has to be something I can do. Would you feel comfortable sharing the moment or moments that triggered your stepping back on the path of the gospel light? I sincerely long for some guidance in this regard. Thank you so much in advance.
DanaMarch 16, 2015
Thank you for sharing your story. It is good to hear as I have 2 close family members who have not just left the church, but have gone apostate. I think most if it stems from not having their faith embedded in their hearts from the beginning ( for whatever reason) and so it was easy to let their doubts to become stronger than their faith. Satan works in subtle ways... often by close associates. Sadly, there is too much false information and dubious people to be found on the internet today and I believe that the historical issues that Rusty Jones talks about is exactly what led them astray as they looked for answers in the wrong places. I don't understand why misery loves company. I think that the "exmormon friends" that you and my loved ones associate with is exactly the problem. Our religion is not a pick and choose religion. With all due respect, it is not to pick out the bits you like and to "leave the oblivious lies and confiscation behind". The line has been drawn and you need to be either all in or out. This is not to say that there are not legitimate struggles and doubts that people deal with everyday, because those things are a necessary part of the Plan. I'm just saying that "Who's on the Lord's Side, Who?" rings truer than ever in the world today. I'm so glad the author chose the good side, the "needful part" if you will. It makes my heart so happy to see one find their way, as I watch my loved ones grapple in the dark like lost sheep.
Helen SweanyMarch 14, 2015
Why did you leave Mormonism before returning to it?
StephanieMarch 12, 2015
You have set an example for us all by your honesty and willingness to share your own story. So many are fearful of the consequences that will come from judgment of other people and it holds them back. All the while it seems to be the actual fear of not being faithful enough that we are focused on. Yet it requires more faith to return than to leave. As have many others I share a similar story. I still remember and I live away from the mainstream LDS culture because I feel it is a more comfortable setting. That said, I do visit family often and I attend church in the heart of the valley and feel welcome. Thanks again for your story.
NancyMarch 12, 2015
Welcome back! We are all needed to press forward and help others. I liked your comment on many cultures in the church that are different. It is so true. The long standing Utah culture is very different from the many others I have experienced and I have often mentioned this to those in Utah who look at me like I said something weird. Glad you mentioned the cultures being different, yet our beliefs in God are the same and love for one another is essential.
Anna BarbieriMarch 12, 2015
Beautifully stated. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Rusty JonesMarch 12, 2015
As someone who left the church 2 years ago and had a family member share this article with me. I found that your experience has very little in common with mine or other exmormon friends I associate with. We left over historical issues, for those of us who've gone down the rabbit hole of church history its hard to go back to the white washed version of church history. If for some crazy reason I ever went back it wouldn't be with stronger faith but it would be with the attitude of not taking the church so seriously, taking the good things and leaving the obvious lies and confiscation behind. It would be a much more liberal approach.
annetteMarch 12, 2015
Thanks for sharing!!
ssjacksonMarch 12, 2015
The LDS in your ward, etc. are to be congratulated. they must really be enlightened and conversant in how to act when people come back. Shamefully, too few get the need for "come back" etiquette. Hope we can learn it better...your story/article will help. ssjackson
Dena SimisterMarch 12, 2015
Welcome Back!!
Steve HodkinMarch 12, 2015
While I never 'left' the church, I was inactive for a number of years. I can remember how scary it was to come back too. As I read through your list of things learned, I tick all the same boxes. Thank you for your insight and sharing it with us.
Robert StarlingMarch 12, 2015
Welcome back! And thanks for sharing. Hopefully your experiences will be an encouragement for others.
Clarke EcholsMarch 12, 2015
When tripping over the obstacles of life, thinking we have failed, always remember: If the value of the experience exceeds the cost of obtaining it, you have not failed.
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