As I sit down to try and write this today I have Gwen Stefani’s pop lyrics running through my head, “I’m just a girl in the world…” You see, I’m in Cambodia for a month, where yes, I am just a girl in the world. I’m a girl searching for more meaning in my life, and apparently I’m not alone. I came here searching for something I couldn’t identify, just to realize I have known the answers all along.
I am volunteering with an international non-governmental organization (more on that in a few days). The organization has placed all of the volunteers in a group housing arrangement. I wasn’t too surprised when I arrived here to find that most of the other volunteers were younger than me, with a few exceptions. We have about 3 men and 25 women in our housing group. As I have taken the time to meet with each person and spend time with them I notice patterns and common themes emerging, in spite of our wildly different backgrounds. We come from all over the world. I am the only American in the bunch. We have Australians, Danes, German, French, Japanese, and a Canadian with us. Sometimes it seems like the only thing we all have in common is that we speak English, and sometimes I’m not even sure we have that in common.
A few nights ago I found myself sitting on my bed talking to a wonderful woman I had made friends with about her relationships. I asked why she came to Cambodia to volunteer, and she told me she just felt like she needed to do something good with her life before she settles into her future routines. She has been living with her boyfriend for several years, and doesn’t intend to marry him. But before they begin having children she wanted to do something more. All she knew was something is missing in her life.
The next day I was talking to one of the men and asked what brought him here. He told me he had a good job back home, but he just didn’t feel like he was doing anything important. He just wanted to do something more. So he left his girlfriend and family for a few months to volunteer in Cambodia.
I was not surprised at all when a few nights later a similar scene occurred. I was getting to know a new arrival and asked why she was here. She told me a story that began six years earlier about a failed relationship, unhappiness in her employment, and of all the steps God has placed in front of her that lead her to this moment in time where she could put the rest of her life on hold and go lose herself in service.
Would it surprise you if I told you I am here for the same exact reasons? An un-fulfilling career, failed relationships, wanting to do something more with my life, and believing without hesitation that my Heavenly Father put the wheels into motion for me to come here.
When I think of my single friends back home, whether LDS or not, I notice the same common thread running through them, but most of them haven’t run off to a developing country for answers (yet). Many of them are content and happy with their lives, even if they don’t expect to ever get married, or have children. Most admit that maybe their lives didn’t turn out as planned, but they are okay with where they are at.
I went through a phase where I felt that same contentment. And I hope for my friends that their phase of contentment is lasting and permanent, because I think there is nothing worse than the feeling of insignificance that can come with being single- no one to love, no one to love you back. I know so many singles searching for self and meaning, and my heart breaks for each of them.
It isn’t easy to be alone, oftentimes feeling like you somehow missed the class in school about how to meet and find a good mate. We wonder why we haven’t been picked? Why doesn’t anyone love us? What is the purpose of being here? Did we do something to deserve this? If we aren’t going to have a spouse and a family, what are we going to do? I am not writing to tell you it will all get better. In fact, I have no reason to believe that we all get what we want, no matter how fervently we pray for such things. I’m writing this to tell you you are not alone. There are legions of singles all around the world all feeling exactly the same way. I know how many of you hurt as you search for meaning.
The Lord has given us help in the form of prophets, scriptures, and even more personally- patriarchal blessings. And as you search for yourself, I encourage you to search out these things. Search the messages of General Conference, and pray in that you will hear the words meant for you.
Remember that no matter who you are that your Heavenly Father loves you, and regardless of station and situation in life, He wants you to strive to be worth of the many blessings which have been prepared for the faithful.
You are a child of God. You lived with him before coming to earth. It is not by chance that you were born at this time. Your Father knows you and your talents and has placed you where you can use them best. He has reserved you for this dispensation of time so that He may use you and your talents to help accomplish His will and purposes for His children. You possess great gifts and abilities given to you by your Father in Heaven. These gifts and blessings alone should bring joy and gratitude to your heart. Strive to be worthy of the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost, who will teach you truth and will comfort and strengthen you in times of sorrow and discouragement. Never forget that.
Read and ponder the scriptures. Take time to sit and listen and reflect upon the words of Christ. Read the Book of Mormon and find solutions to the trials and tribulations of mortality. Pray daily to your Father and He will respond. I can promise you that. He can find you anywhere- even in a small bedroom in Cambodia.
Realize the great potential that lies in you- the potential to accomplish your desires and goals, and the potential to return home to live with your Heavenly Father.
When you are faithful and turning to the Lord in all things, your burden will be lighter. You will not feel the pain of loneliness so much. I have often stopped to think of how lonely Christ must have been in his mortal life. There were so many people around him who wanted to know Him, but no one who could truly be His equal or understand Him. With truly the burdens of the world on His shoulders, the only person He had to turn to was His Father. And just like Him, no matter where we are and what burdens we are carrying, we can turn to His same Father.
We share that with Him and with each other.
Remember that no matter who you are and where you are, your Father in Heaven loves you.
You and I are about to play an interesting game of looking into the future. See, I’m writing this column in Cambodia, most likely a good 11-14 hour time difference ahead of you, if you are in the United States. Also, I’m writing it on Friday, for a post that will be published on Tuesday. In other words, I’m writing it before General Conference, and you are reading it after General Conference, which makes things interesting, because I know any subject that I were to bring up right now, you will have the answers to when Tuesday comes.
How do I know this? Faith. Pure and simple faith.
I’m going through a personal issue right now, not unlike so very many of you. Some might call it a mid-life crisis. I refuse to. To do so would somehow lead someone to believe that I think my life is half over. Also, I’m far too young to have a mid-life crisis. In fact, I’d like to believe that my life is still just beginning.
But this doesn’t change the simple fact that there are questions weighing heavily on my mind and heart right now. And I really need some guidance and direct inspiration. And I have no doubt in my mind that as I go into General Conference this weekend, if my heart is in the right place, my prayers are said, and my mind and soul are opened to the words that will be spoken, I’ll find my answers.
I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes by Elder Richard G. Scott, “Your trust in the Lord must be more powerful and enduring than your confidence in your own feelings and experience. To exercise faith is to trust that the lords knows what He is doing with you and that He can accomplish it for your eternal good, even though you cannot understand how He can possibly do it.” (“Trust in the Lord,” Ensign, November 1995.)
Isn’t it amazing to know that as I write this on Friday, that if I were to spell out my problems and feelings, that on Tuesday you could write me back and say, “Did you hear in Conference when they said…”
And isn’t it amazing to know that the Lord will speak to us through our sustained leadership at Conference no matter where in the world we are? Maybe you watched Conference at the LDS Conference Center itself, or in your favorite fleece pajamas with all of your favorite foods around in front of your flat screen TV? Or were you traditional and actually go to a chapel? Me, I had to wait until Monday morning to go to an internet cafe so I could download everything to my laptop, so I could watch them on an airplane flying over the ocean. I’ll be watching Conference just about the time you are reading this. (Isn’t it great how I can predict the future like this?)
The technology that brings us the words we need to hear isn’t the most incredible part. The most incredible, amazing, and significant part of General Conference is knowing that today’s problems will have answers and guidance tomorrow. And I know that we can each find the answers we are looking for in the words of the Prophet, his counselors, and the General Authorities. Take time to re-visit their words frequently, and do so with a humble spirit, prepared to accept what you may learn. The answers are there for those who diligently seek for them.
And so my friends, since I can’t predict the words that will be said, only that they will be said, I will share with you some of my favorite thoughts from the last two General Conferences. I hope you will write back and share your favorite thoughts from this Conference with me.
“His tender mercies will make us mighty under any circumstance.” – Elder Walter Gonzalez
“Pain brings you to a humility that allows you to ponder.” – Elder Robert Hales
“Desires dictate priorities.” – Elder Dallin H. Oaks
“Turn down the volume control of worldly noise. Your Father in Heaven wants to communicate with you.” – President Dieter Uchtdorf
“One way or another, God will have His voice heard!” – Elder Jeffrey R Holland.
I hope you have/had a wonderful General Conference weekend!
Erin Ann McBride is a writer, dreamer, blogger, and service volunteer. Equal parts Mary Poppins, Carrie Bradshaw, and Mother Theresa, she goes where the wind blows, writes about single life, and is devoted to helping others. You can read more about what defines her and her current travels in Cambodia at the Story of a Nice Mormon Girl.
Send a message to future friends and family that you care about the gospel and Latter-day Saints in today’s world by becoming a fan of Meridian Magazine on Facebook!
