True Story- I was in a car accident this week. I was backing up in a parking lot and hit another car. (In my defense, even after I hit the other car I still couldn’t see it.) The driver of the car got out and we began to talk when he said, “Aren’t you Sister McBride? Erin McBride?”
Never before have I been so glad that I hadn’t been rude to the other party, and that I had kept all of the profanities in my head! I quickly found out that the gentleman I hit is in my ward. Then he said, “I was going to set my grandson up with you, but it turns out you are older than you look!”
Talk about whiplash!
End of the story- his grandson is ten years younger than me. And there is minor damage to his car, and no damage to my car. Just to my ego.
Now back to the real subject at hand. Dating and How to Do It Right!
This column was inspired by a self-proclaimed “awkward man” asking for advice on how to get a date. After much thought and consideration I came up with the following advice that applies to all single men and women- how to do dating right!
Ask!! This applies to both men and women. Because both sides are completely free to do the asking in these modern times! And I do not mean saying something along the lines of, “So, hey, yeah, do you maybe want to chill sometime?” I mean actually calling the other person up—or instant messaging is allowed as well (but emails are NOT!) and saying, “Hi Erin, I’d love to take you out for dinner—are you free on Thursday?” Leave no room for ambiguity! Ambiguity is for wimps! And leads to nothing but complete confusion down the road. Just trust me on this one. (Someday maybe I’ll tell you the story of how I asked out a guy I had a crush on via email. He said no. And then a few days later emailed me back to ask if I had asked him out or not. Not my finest moment!)
Do your research! Find out what your date enjoys doing. (Actually, to be honest, if you don’t know these sorts of things before asking them, considering getting to know the person just a wee bit better before you ask him or her.) Find out when he or she gets off of work, and give them adequate time to be prepared for a date. Just do your initial homework before you ask him or her out, and everything else will go much smoother!
Be decisive. This goes along with the paragraph above, for the love of Pete, make a plan and stick to it. Do not show up and offer twenty suggestions. It is so incredibly awkward to have to pick something to do on the spot like that. Do your homework, come up with a plan, and execute it with flexibility and generosity!
Good hygiene. It pains me that this must be brought up. But yet, if you are going to ask someone to make time to be alone with you, please put your best food forward and bathe properly before succumbing them to your more “natural man.”
Go into the date with a good attitude. This goes for both sides of the equation again. If you have asked someone out on a date, asked them to make time in their schedule to get to know you, asked them spend time with just you, then for crying out loud, be happy to see them when you get there! And for the other party- if you have accepted a date with your own free will, then please, act like it. Do not be annoyed that someone finds you so charming and attractive that they have requested the pleasure of your company for a few hours!
Texting is evil! We are adults. We should speak and write to each other as adults do. While texting is a great quick and easy form for communication, it should never serve as the primary form of communication in any relationship. You may text to say you have arrived and will be up shortly. Or to say that you are running late. Or a very quick “thank you, I had a great time” within 2 hours of the date is completely acceptable. But by no means should two adults have a relationship that is limited to 150 characters at a time. How do you expect to really understand the nuances of another person in 150 characters or less?
Spare the life story. I have a rule—no more than three emails should be exchanged before going on a date. I also have another rule—no less than three emails should be exchanged before going on a date with a stranger you have met online. (However, there is also a rule for not dragging out an online relationship for months before asking the other party out. But I’m saving that for another column.) The downside of emailing too much before a date is that it gives both parties way too much time to share personal stories that should be reserved for exchanging in person. Save the good stuff for conversation during the date!
One cancellation—tops! Things come up and sometimes dates need to be canceled. As adults, a lot is expected of us, especially at work, so it’s not inexcusable that a sudden deadline could force you to cancel a date. Likewise, if you get a contagious illness, it would be preferable that you postpone out of kindness (and don’t even think about doing this via text message!). And upon canceling, it’s absolutely essential that you reschedule immediately. No rain checks!
Make it work! Make sure your outfit suits the occasion, your shoes are polished and don’t douse yourself in perfume. If you have been asked out and don’t know what the occasion will entail, don’t be shy! Call the person up and ask what the plan is. If he or she has already asked you out, chances are that they really won’t mind that you were thinking about them!
Body language. It takes less than 7 seconds to form an opinion about another person just from outward appearances. So stand up straight, smile, look them in the eye, and offer a good healthy (but not bone crushing or sweaty) handshake! (True story, one of the biggest turnoffs to me is a man who tries to crush my hand when he shakes it. If he is so ignorant as to know that he is causing pain with a friendly gesture, I don’t want to know how many other ways he is ignorant.)
Singles what other advice would you like to give to other singles? And Marrieds, as usual, if you would like to offer an opinion as well, I invite you to share how many years you have been married in your comment. Leave your two cents below!
