“Baby!” Emma cried, when she saw the doll lying abandoned in the grass. She ran over and scooped it up in her little arms and held it tightly to her chest. We were the only ones at the playground that day so I let her play with the little lost doll. She babbled softly to it as she rocked it in a swing. She set it in the spinning cups and let it have a ride. Wherever she went she held onto the “baby.” It was only with some tricky distraction that I got it from her arms so I could leave it.
Loving babies has been so natural for Emma. Many would argue that she was simply modeling what she had seen me do. It’s true that I love babies, hold, cuddle and caress them, talk softly to them, and show my daughters that I love what I do. But, my boys see the same thing. Although they don’t love dolls, they love cuddly toys as much as my girls. However, chances are that instead of carrying them gently in their arms they are tossing them in the air, dragging them through the dirt on some adventure or swinging them round and round by one arm. When it comes to loving babies and knowing how to treat them my girls take to it naturally.
The world would have us believe that nurturing is something that we just learned from those who nurtured us. If we missed out on that proper role model then we are out of luck. I know that experiencing nurturing relationships as a child certainly makes it easier for us to create the same thing for our children. But, whether we had the ideal situation our not, the truth is that as women it is within our nature to nurture. It is simply part of who we are.
Our Father in Heaven created a design that would succeed. As part of that design He gave His daughters a gift. It’s what Elder M. Russell Ballard called “the most precious element of a woman’s divine nature – the nature to nurture (Ensign, May 2010, 20).” Or what Elder Bradley D. Foster told us was “part of our spiritual heritage (Ensign, May 2010, 98).” The Proclamation lets us know that it is by divine design that we are given the role as nurturers. This isn’t just about what we do, a role we play. It is who we are.
You might not think you are a nurturer. Maybe you think this “precious element” is hidden too deeply within you to do any good. After all, you aren’t the mom with the beautiful, orderly home and beautiful, tidy children to match. You’re not the mom who is playful, creative, and carefree, with creative, brilliant children to match. You shout or you’re impatient. You’d rather take your kids on a hike than work in the garden with them. Maybe your situation isn’t ideal or maybe your parenting alone. No matter what you may believe, the truth is that you have gifts of nurturing that are uniquely your own.
When my mother was raising her ten children she had one thing she wanted for us more than anything else. She wanted children who were independent, children who could work out problems for themselves. She taught us to work hard and she never coddled us. If we’d been ranchers she would have told us to get right back on that horse if we fell off. She was always encouraging us to stretch our wings. The results were just what she wanted, children who were independent and able to face the challenges of life.
What if my mom had discounted this strong desire within her? What if she had second-guessed herself? What if she had decided that nurturing in this way wasn’t nurturing at all? That in order to be nurturing she needed to be softer, more ready to rescue? I have to believe that we were sent to her home because she would teach us what we needed to know to fulfill our mission in life. Her style of nurturing was perfect for her family and your style can be perfect for yours.
Still, you might not be convinced. Isn’t there some ideal that we can all follow? Someone who really is an expert in this area? The only ideal I know of in nurturing is the Savior. He nurtured “by persuasion, by long suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness, and pure knowledge. . .(Doctrine and Covenants 121:41-42).
” His is an example we can all look to. These are principles we can all live by. The details are up to us.
When we are guided by the principles of nurturing the Savior showed us we can capitalize on the things that come naturally to us and we can receive revelation for our own circumstances. Sister Julie B. Beck gave us this promise, “When women nurture as Christ nurtured, a power and peace can descend to guide when help is needed (Ensign, May 2010, 11).” We need help in this most important trust of raising the next generation. We need to believe in the divine nature we have all been given to nurture. We can trust that our Heavenly Father sent these children to our homes because he trusts us, because we have something to give them that only we can give.
