Entertaiment

Turning 60 seemed to be a good time to review what lessons in life I had learned. Were there any?

I write a weekly, mostly humorous column for my local paper entitled “7 X Mom,” i.e.,”7 times Mom.” When my seven children were all home, it was about my attempts to manage a life with so many children, or, as they put it, “You make us look stupid, Mommy.” Now that my kids are grown and gone, I told my husband it was up to him to provide the humor. He does a pretty good job and doesn’t even mind. I think he likes the attention around the lunch table at work when he’s featured in the newspaper.

But sometimes I wax philosophical, or serious, or even skate around spirituality. That was my opportunity recently when, nine weeks before my 60^th birthday, I decided every three weeks to share 20 things I had learned from life.

I wondered how I would translate that into a community newspaper when my inward life revolves around my faith and my church. Most of what I feel is spiritual in nature and related to my testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. How could I couch the lessons I had learned from my study of the scriptures, the prophets, my church callings, my Gethsemanes, and my understanding of my eternal past and destiny in terms that people not sharing my faith, and certainly not my church vocabulary, could understand?

But since I like to challenge myself as a writer and my editors are indulgent, I thought I’d give it a try. It turned out to be easier than I thought, and judging by the number of comments I received for those particular columns, the lessons I had learned struck a common chord with readers whose faith was unknown to me.

I was surprised by the experiences and lessons people share and learn in mortality as everyone struggles to understand why they are here on earth and how they can be happy. This experience testified to me once again that all people come to earth with the light of Christ that testifies to them of so much basic truth.

Here are the 60 lessons I have learned in 60 years of life, 42 of them spent as a member of Christ’s restored Church. For those who are members of the Church, it is easy to recognize the gospel principle or truth behind most of the lessons-well, maybe not the one about ranch dressing, even though the first time I did eat it was at a covered dish dinner at BYU! And, of course, #41 is a dead giveaway.

In no particular order, here is what I have learned:

1.Time passes so fast. It really does. So don’t waste it.

2.Babies should be put in bed before they are fully asleep so they will learn to go to sleep on their own. But don’t let them sob themselves to sleep if they have trouble. That’s sad.

3.Forgiveness of others’ shortcomings and offenses against you is a choice and with that choice comes the grace of God to help you forgive. Don’t hate or hold grudges. It only destroys the one who won’t forgive.

4.Nobody wants to listen to you complain about your health or anything else all the time, so don’t.

5.Ranch dressing is wonderful Fat-free ranch dressing tastes awful.

6.“Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me” is not true. Speak kindly to children.

7.Don’t leave babies alone and unwatched with children under the age of six. The babies can get hurt, accidently or otherwise. I learned that from experience.

8.Always ask yourself what the consequences will be before you give an especially strong opinion or do something you might regret, like send off an angry email.

9.Learn to love to read and you’ll always have something fun to do.

10.At the end of each and every day, be able to say you tried your very hardest to be your very best that day.

11.Captain Kangaroo was right: “Please” and “thank you” are magic words and should always be used. I think he called them the “magic Tootsie Pop words,” but I don’t remember why. Teach your children to use them too because kids these days are just too rude.

12.Clean up the kitchen every night right after dinner and it will be a nice surprise in the morning.

13.Pick up the living room before you go to bed. See #12 for the reason.

14.Get dressed and put on your makeup right after you get up because you never know when someone will knock on your door.

15.Facebook birthday greetings are not as good as birthday cards.

16.Don’t smoke when you’re young (or ever). When you get to be older, you’ll look older than everyone else your same age who has never smoked. It’s the same way with sunbathing.

17.Good chocolate is worth the extra money you pay for it. Personally, I like Ghirardelli or Dove.

18.Don’t let your fears dictate your life. Take Valium if you must to fly to see your grandchildren.

19.Call your mother (and father) more often that you think you need to. Her face probably lights up when she sees your name come up on the phone. I’ve heard that LeBron James calls his mother every day.

20.Remind yourself when your kids annoy the heck out of you that one day they will be gone and you will miss them. Yes, you will, even if you think you won’t.

21.This one is for women: Never underestimate the importance of moisturizer. Moisturize your face every day, and don’t forget your neck for it will be the first place to betray your age. It doesn’t have to be an expensive moisturizer, just moisture religiously.

22.Here’s a good definition of a lie to live by: A lie is any communication with the intent to deceive. “Any communication” then would include looks, gestures, tones of voice and getting your mother to say you can’t come to the phone when you really could.

23.Be a parent and don’t be afraid to say “no” to your children or “because I said so” for that matter. “Because I said so” just makes it clear that you are the parent and have the authority to make the rules in the family.

24.Have compassion because most people really are trying the best they can.It might not be what your best would be, but it’s what their best is.

25.Live whatever part of your dream you can. If you can’t be a rich and famous writer, which has always been your dream, be a columnist for a local paper if you can. Or an actor in a local theater. Or a foster parent. Or take art lessons. I think that’s what William Wordsworth was saying when he wrote, “We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind.”

26.Don’t step on ant hills. My grandfather taught me that. They really are quite fascinating creatures and work harder than most humans. In fact, don’t hurt any creatures needlessly. Stop the car if you can so safely and put turtles across the road too, always pointing in the same direction, I’m told.

27.Don’t talk with your mouth full. I guess we all do it at one time or another, but it’s disgusting.

28.Always fix your paper jams before you leave the printer for someone else. In a larger sense, always clean up your own messes.

29.Catch the vision that when you are serving your fellow beings you are really serving God.

30.It’s easier to have faith for the future when you look back at the past, so when you feel your faith is weak, look back and remember.

31.Use a napkin to pick up the condiments in restaurants. Think of all the people who have touched them. Ick.

32.Be careful of caffeine. I’ve had migraines for 35 years and out of all the powerful drugs I’ve been given, the most effective against migraines has been a Diet Coke with caffeine. People underestimate what a powerful effect caffeine has on the brain. Too much can’t be good for you.

33.Cut up your children’s hot dogs in really small pieces until they are about four, and beware of marshmallows and popcorn. One of my daughters choked on a marshmallow once and one choked on a miniscule piece of plastic she picked up off the floor. Always be aware of choking hazards.

34.Go visit people in a nursing home, even if you hate nursing homes. It’s not about you.

35.Likewise, if someone you love is dying, go visit even if you don’t know what to say and don’t want to go. You’ll be glad later you did.

36.Try to make something homemade to take to covered dish dinners. I have been troubled for years by the trend of trays of store bought desserts on buffet lines. It’s so disappointing to get to the end of the line and not have a good homemade chocolate cake or pie to cut into.

37.Teach your children not to say “like” a hundred times with every conversation. And if you’re young and are reading this, stop saying it. “Like” is a preposition and is followed by a noun, such as “I speak like an educated person.”

38.Don’t ramble on and on in a conversation. Gosh, that gets old.

39.If your teenagers’ grades are good, make them get a part-time job. Mine did and learned a lot.

40.Parents of a child with a disability always have a broken heart.

41.Two ways of looking at the same principle: “No success can compensate for failure in the home.” (David O. McKay) and “The most important work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home.” (Harold B. Lee)

        42. Find joy in the journey of life. Don’t always be waiting for a destination,    such as “when I get the perfect job” or “when the kids are older or grown” or “when I retire” to enjoy life. Find joy in each stage of life.

      43. Avoid debt like The Plague.

      44. Become as educated as you can, for it will reach down to bless the generations to come.

      45. Make your home a safe place for your children’s friends to be. They may not have one of their own.

      46. In their old age, remember how much your parents did for you when you were young and dependent upon them.

      47. If shoes and blue jeans are too tight when you try them on in the dressing room, they won’t be any more comfortable when you get them home.

      48.   Eat together as a family as many times a week as possible. Your children may not remember what you are eating, but they will remember that you ate it together. And make the dinner table a pleasant place to be and not a place to correct your children’s or  spouse’s faults.

      49. Always keep Band-aids, napkins, a little bit of money and an extra diaper in the car if you   have kids.

      50. Don’t create eating problems with your children. I fed seven kids every night. I put whatever I cooked on the table. If they didn’t like it, they made themselves a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I didn’t beg or force them to eat, nor was I a short-order cook. They learned to  like a variety of foods and no one ever starved to death. If anyone was a picky eater, I was too busy to notice.

      51. It won’t hurt your child to miss school occasionally for something other than being sick. Being afraid or unhappy or wanting to visit your grandmother or go on a neat vacation are all good reasons too.

      52. No matter how carefully you pull the hose across the yard, it always gets a kink in it. Just like life.

      53. As much as possible, make your schedule your slave instead of being a slave to your schedule. Learn to say, “Oh, I’d love to, but I can’t right now.

      54. Write down the story of your life. However insignificant your life may seem to you, one day  your children will probably want to know about your life and you might not be around to tell them. On a light note, writer that I am, I gave my children a lo-o-o-ng version of my life’s story on  my 55^th birthday five years ago.  I’m not sure how many have read it. I know one son not long ago told me he had lost it. Luckily, there’s Dropbox now. P.S. They are getting a five-year update         soon. I’m sure they can’t wait!  

      55. I’ve always thought that being a man and having to help people move out of and into homes sort of, almost, kind of, maybe not, makes up for that whole labor and childbirth process women   have to endure. That’s why I don’t feel bad about not helping to move people.

      56. Don’t burn bridges behind you. This is actually a principle in writing a business memo, but I  teach my students it applies even more so in relationships.

      57. Teenagers hate hypocrites more than anything, so figure out what your principles are early on and stand firm. They’ll be watching.

      58. Don’t complain about little things like sticky fingerprints on your walls or spilled milk at your table. For every fingerprint or spill there are thousands of people who would give all they have for the opportunity to have those problems. I know parents who have waited years for babies and their pain during the wait has been excruciating. Get a perspective.

      59. One question in all this wisdom: In the 40 years since Roe vs. Wade made abortion legal, have advances in technologies, which unveil the world of the unborn in increasing clarity, proven or disproven the belief that the baby in that unseen womb is alive with a beating heart and    feeling?

      60. Finally, an older woman told me years ago, “Susan, when your children are young, they’ll step on your toes. When they’re old, they’ll step on your heart.” At the time, I thought, “You old woman, what do you know?” Now I’m old and I know that she knew. Listen to older people. They know,   and you will one day too. As I said for #1 nine weeks ago, time flies, so don’t waste it.

Well, maybe there were more about chocolate and moisturizers than I remembered, but there was plenty of spiritual wisdom tossed in there too!

Susan writes for the Danville (Va.) Register & Bee. Her novel Miracle of the Christmas Star may be purchased on Amazon.com. You may contact her at su********@***oo.com.