Parenting

I never knew until about four years ago just what sacrifice could be involved in a stake calling. I knew all the jokes about talks by stake high councilman after almost 40 years in the Church, and I knew they showed up as regularly as clock work. But until my sister was called to be the stake Relief Society president and then a son-in-law called to be a stake clerk and then a counselor in the stake presidency, I never realized what sacrifice stake callings could involve for stake leaders and their families.

My sister and I live in a small southern Virginia ward that is the northernmost ward in the Greensboro, North Carolina Stake. For years all things stake, including all activities involved with raising seven kids, have involved a one hour trip south. We don’t even think about it anymore. “We’ll meet at the church at 4:30 to carpool to Greensboro. Let us know if you need a ride” . . . precedes most announcements of stake activities and meetings.

Through the years the stake high councilmen have likewise made the trek northward, always expressing gratitude for the beautiful ride through the countryside. I always tossed it off. They were stake leaders . . . no big deal. I figured they were old, their kids were grown, they were probably retired and rich, so what else did they have to do?

A new perspective

Then my sister got called to her stake calling. She is single, has endured uncomplainingly a lifetime of struggling with rheumatoid arthritis and five joint replacements, and works a demanding job as the head of a humane society and an animal cruelty investigator.

Suddenly, the trips to Greensboro seemed like much more of a sacrifice in my eyes. Many days she leaves work for Greensboro before the workday ends and doesn’t get home until after 10 at night from stake PEC, stake high council meetings, stake this, and stake that. Saturdays are auxiliary training. The first few months of the year are ward conferences. I lose track.

I planned at first to accompany her on Sundays, but was almost grateful to get a Sunday calling and have that plan flummoxed!

What a blessing it was when a male friend of hers appointed himself her chauffeur and drives her down, saving her from long trips home alone in the dark. She never complains. She just gets in the car and goes. Sometimes the trips are even farther away than Greensboro.

Not as I thought

Then my son-in-law was called to be a stake high councilman down in his North Carolina stake and assigned to a ward one hour away from his home. He wasn’t old, his kids weren’t grown, and he wasn’t rich or retired.

His job was an hour away from his home, which was an hour away from his assigned ward. His children were 11, 9, and 4. His wife was alone in a city with no family nearby. Many weeknights he’d drive to his assigned ward from work without stopping at home to see his wife and children or eat dinner.

That calling lasted several months, then suddenly he was called to be a counselor in the stake presidency. It didn’t seem possible, but his time away from home and his responsibilities increased at the same time that his load at work increased, requiring him to start traveling for work. Now he’s regularly gone for work a week at a time, gets home, and heads off for church several nights in a row.

Consecrated and determined, he and my daughter try their best. But I was there a few weeks back when he walked through his front walk that badly needed mowing. Shaking his head, he said, “I’m so far behind my work at home.”

My daughter struggles with getting kids to church to their meetings since they live a half an hour away. One child’s severe peanut allergy complicates it all with having to check all the refreshments. She struggles with getting herself to her meetings with no husband at home to babysit. Sundays are long by herself with three kids. I know . . . I Skype them on Sunday nights and it’s a toss-up as to which child or how many have been banished to their rooms!

It’s a learning experience for the children too in sustaining church leaders and helping out at home. I talked to my grandson about what sustaining a church leader meant when he complained about his father being gone so much, then we worked together to surprise his dad in raking the front yard and picking up the pine cones.

They don’t complain, though. They pray for strength and wisdom to keep their priorities straight. They know they have made covenants and their time is not their own; they just wonder day to day how to do it all. They worry that their children don’t see their father enough, but know that the Lord provides compensations.

A humble service

I’ve realized through my family’s experience the sacrifice the stake leaders had made of travel and time all those years to serve me. Plus, I appreciated how humbly they had done it. My sister is embarrassed by the attention given to the “stake people” and squirms at being recognized from the podium in Relief Society those Sundays when she is in our home ward. I recognize the humility when we prepare a dinner after our ward conference for the “stake people” and have to practically push them to go first in the line. I wonder about their wives and husbands and children left at home.

The same can be said of bishoprics and General Authorities also, I’m sure. My family hasn’t had that experience yet, though.

If I’m ever in the position to, I want to offer to pick up a child from an activity day or give a ride to a Scout meeting or babysit while a wife goes to hear a husband speak at a fireside. I’ll even check food labels. I’d like to suggest a service project to do yard work while a stake leader is miles away at another ward.

I wouldn’t mind sitting by a mother corralling several children by herself while her husband sits on a stand in a ward an hour or five minutes away. I would invite a fatherless family over for a Sunday dinner and games on a long Sunday afternoon.

I just never knew . . . but now I do, and I’ll never look at that “stake person” the same again.

Susan is a freelance writer who works in beautiful southern Virginia. Her novel “Miracle of the Christmas Star” may be purchased on Amazon.com.