Parenting

A few months ago a friend of mine, who had experienced a difficult pregnancy, was getting ready to have her baby. Knowing how hard those months of pregnancy had been I asked if she would allow me to clean her home while she was in the hospital. She hesitated and then said yes. I heard uncertainty in her voice and thought I understood the feeling it sprang from. It is humbling to let someone into your home to see the dirty details that we try so hard to keep from being seen.

Finally the day arrived for her new baby boy to enter the world. Soon after she and her husband left for the hospital I slipped into their quiet home. I felt like an intruder as I walked around assessing what needed to be done and where to start. As I went past the table I found an envelope with my name on it. Inside was a note from my friend, a thank you note and a note of apology combined. I wanted to cry as I read things like, “I have felt guilt and disgust for myself letting my house get so dirty,” and “I hope you don’t think worse of me because my house is not as clean as I would like it.” I saw myself in her words and in her worries. How many times had I felt guilt and disgust for myself? How many times had I hoped for compassion instead of judgment when it came to my homemaking?

It’s no wonder we feel so much guilt over our homes. We live in a world of glossy, picture perfect homes. Everywhere we turn we see them. We peruse them, we pin them, we parade through them and we’re sure that everyone else, but us, is living in them. In half hour shows we see ordinary places turned into stunning showcases. Somehow we think that if we just tried a little harder, got a little more organized, or had a little more money we could live in such places ourselves. The problem with this mentality is that we lose sight of what we do have and what makes our houses the homes they are really intended to be.

As I worked I didn’t find anything worthy of guilt or disgust. Yes, there were messes, the clutter and detritus of family life. There were stickies left by little hands and childhood treasures in the oddest places, but mostly there were the bits and pieces of a sweet life lived together.   In that humble house I saw evidence of three things that make for a beautiful home.

Great Shall Be the Peace of Thy Children

Everywhere I looked I saw evidence of a love for the gospel of Jesus Christ. There were pictures of the temple and the Savior hanging on the walls. I saw the Friend magazine crumpled and colored in, obviously used and loved by little hands. Hanging on the fridge was a paper from Primary stating, “I’m trying to be like Jesus.” The two little girls living in this home, waiting for their baby brother to come were being taught about Jesus Christ and his gospel. Isaiah reminds us that when children are taught of the Lord, “great shall be the peace (of those) children.” [i]

We don’t have to look far to find a lack of peace in the world, especially in the lives of children. Lucky is the child that can grow up in a home where peace comes with the territory simply because the spiritual foundation of that home is built on Christ. It was obvious to me that my friend takes seriously what Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin described. “The righteous molding of an immortal soul is the highest work we can do, and the home is the place to do it. To accomplish this eternal work, we should make our homes gospel centered.”[ii] Gospel centered, a place of peace, my friend had those elements of a beautiful home well in hand.

Children Are an Heritage of the Lord

In each room of the house was evidence of loved and valued children. I found photographs of their family on walls and crowding together on shelves. Two tiny blond haired girls with bright eyes smiled from pictures taken with parents, grandparents and on their own. An imaginative bunk bed with a play house underneath provided a place for the girls to pretend. Miniature dresses, shirts and pants were cleaned and laid out ready to be put away. Childhood creations were on the fridge, on the table and spread throughout the house. There was space for little people in this home. It was obvious that these children weren’t simply an accessory to their parents’ lives, they were everything to them.

Just from being in their home I could tell that in their hearts these parents believed what President Ezra Taft Benson taught, “In the eternal perspective children – not possessions, not position, not prestige – are our greatest jewels.”[iii] Who wouldn’t want a house filled with precious jewels? Wouldn’t we think that was a place of beauty? Well, it is. A home that treasures children is beautiful.

There is Beauty All Around

As I worked I saw the remnants of time spent together. In the kitchen I saw well stocked shelves from which I knew delicious dishes were produced and shared together. I washed water bottles and mugs that I knew had been used the day before as the family moved cattle together. There were tiny boots and warm gear so little girls could join their daddy in chores around the ranch. The pictures around the house showed trips taken and time spent with extended family. In these objects I saw the tender care of a mother and father who know that nurturing children includes creating opportunities for spending time together as a family.

Not long ago President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, reminded us that “in family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time.”[iv] If that is the case, then love was everywhere in this home. And like the hymn says, “there is beauty all around, when there’s love at home.”

Eternal Beauty

Later that day when I closed the door to my friend’s home I realized that the model home is more than paint colors, furniture and dcor. It is best expressed in a love for the gospel, cherished children and time spent together. The former comes and goes, but the latter has eternal value. This kind of loveliness springs from a mother heart that welcomes, loves and nurtures children. It isn’t found in the prettiest pin or the 30 minute makeover. It is found within you. As we look around our homes chances are there is evidence of these eternal beauties everywhere. If they are lacking maybe now is a good time to do a little remodeling. And maybe now is a good time for all of us to set aside guilt for not matching the world’s standard of perfection and turn our sights to what is eternally beautiful.