We were an unlikely couple.  I had been raised in Utah and had never dated a non-member of the Church.  John had been raised in Atlanta, Georgia and had never even known a member of the Church.  I was dedicated to music and practiced my violin 4-5 hours a day in preparation for a career as a professional musician.  John had never been to a concert and had no desire to ever attend one.

John, on the other hand, loved sports.  Holidays always revolved around bowl games on TV.  Sundays were for golfing with his father.  I did not drink alcoholic beverages.  John was the President of a Fraternity when we met.  He could hold his own, drinking with the best of them!

My father played the French Horn in the Utah Symphony and taught at BYU on the side.  With six kids to raise, money was pretty scarce at my house.  Johns’ father owned a successful insurance company.  Socially, financially, and religiously, John and I came from completely opposite backgrounds.

The six weeks before I met John, I had been at the Sun Valley Music Camp studying with a phenomenal violin teacher. At the end of the six weeks, the director of the camp, Jacques Brourman, who also happened to be the conductor of the Charlotte Symphony, had offered me a job playing in the Symphony.  He made a call to Queens College and secured a full-ride scholarship for me to Queens.  The greatest benefit would be that I could continue studying with the amazing violin teacher.

I knew nothing about Queens’ College.  We didn’t have internet in those days, where you could quickly look something up.  School had already started two weeks earlier.  I had to make an immediate decision.  So, after Jacques Brourman’s call, I said a quick prayer, dumped the clothes from my suitcase from the music camp into the washing machine, repacked them, and caught the next flight to Charlotte, North Carolina.

Turns out that Queens College was not only a Presbyterian school, but it was also an all-female school.  Who knew!  What a surprise that was for me when I arrived.  I was gobsmacked!  I remember calling home that night and telling my father that I was at an all-girl school.  After a pregnant pause, my father quipped, “Well, I guess that’s proof that the Lord still answers prayers!”  Ha!  That was not my reaction!

Our first date was a blind date.  The only way to initially get a date at an all-girl school was to be lined up with one of the boys at the Presbyterian Boys’ College aligned with Queens: Davidson College.  So, the first weekend I was at Queens, a girl down the hall informed me that one of her date’s friends from Davidson College needed a date to the football game that Saturday.

Worried about dating a non-member, I pinned the buttons shut (from the inside) on my blouse.  I had no idea what to expect, but I wasn’t taking any chances!  That’s how it all started.  We had so little in common, even making conversation seemed impossible.  But that was the beginning.

As we continued to date, I would show up with my Book of Mormon in tow.  I insisted on reading the book with John, chapter by chapter.  He groaned every time I brought it out.

Long story short, months later John took the missionary discussions and ended up joining the Church.  He decided he needed to serve a mission.  So a year later, we both headed off to serve missions: John to Ecuador, and me to Virginia.  15 days after John returned, we got married!

This marriage should have been doomed from the start.  His parents were completely against the marriage.  My father, after sitting next to him at Priesthood Meeting, when John came out to visit me in Utah, before getting married, had pulled me aside afterwards and said, “You can’t marry that boy.  He can’t carry a tune.  He’ll ruin the gene pool!”

Spoiler: this year we will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary.  How in the world did we bridge two such different backgrounds, with totally different interests, cultures, and social & religious mores?

Frankly, it was the small things.  These were the things that overcame the looming massive challenges that could have sunk the marriage.  John was a master of the small things.  There are a zillion examples, but some simple ones come quickly to mind.  For one thing, John doesn’t usually greet me by name.  When I answer a phone call from him, it’s always, “Hi, beautiful!”   Even if I am 9-months pregnant and waddling instead of walking!

50 years later, when I’m far from beautiful, he still always greets me with, “Hi beautiful!”  Nearly every day, he’ll pause while we’re doing something, stare at me, and then say, “You’re so beautiful!”  It’s completely disarming. And believe me, I’m not even tempted to get him a pair of glasses!

It’s such a small thing.  But, for a woman, there’s nothing quite like it.

He also does ridiculous things that speak of love.  He picks me up at the airport every time I come in.  The airport is an hour’s drive from our home.  I could easily catch an Uber.  But he insists.  When I get in the car, he always has a treat for me.  It could be an orange or a chocolate muffin.  He also always brings our dog, who goes wild when I get in the car.  It makes me feel so welcome to be home!

Conversely, John also travels every week, as we live in Atlanta, but he works in NYC.  He catches an Uber home.  He refuses to let me pick him up from the airport, insisting I have much more important things to do.

He supports me in all my endeavors.  He attends every concert I perform in, no matter where he has to fly in from.  (And yes, I also watch bowl games on TV now).  When I was a YW’s leader, he would spend hours at night helping me to cutout and create handouts.  When I was an early-morning seminary teacher (for 10 years), he took care of our little kids and had breakfast waiting when I got home.

He also always speaks highly of me to others.  I remember one time we were at dinner with the Director of the FDIC, Bill Seidman.  At that point, John had been appointed by Pres. Bush as the General Counsel for the FDIC.  During dinner, Bill commented that John’s initial presentation to the hundreds of FDIC workers in Washington DC was a one-of-a-kind experience.  “In what way?” I asked.  Bill said, “Well, John introduced himself as someone who was ‘seriously married, with six kids’.  I thought that was an unusual way to present yourself.  Normally, another General Counsel would have introduced themselves by their legal and professional accomplishments.  When I asked John about his choice of personal introduction, he told me; ‘I wanted to make sure that no one would think that the way to advancement would be through my bedroom door.’” A small thing, but something that meant the world to me.

One time, I arrived at JFK airport from India, but had to catch a flight from another terminal to get out to SLC to give a presentation about Rising Star Outreach.  Because I was changing airlines, I had to get my luggage, get to another terminal, and recheck my luggage.  As I got the luggage carousel at the international terminal, I was absolutely blown away to see John there.

He had already retrieved my luggage and was holding a pack of raspberries.  He accompanied me to the next terminal, where I checked my luggage and then we sat down for a  few minutes to share a small package of raspberries before I had to take off for SLC.  As I headed down the terminal to my flight, John drove the hour back to his office in NYC.

The package of raspberries, he probably picked up from a sidewalk stall in New York for $2.50.  You could say it was a small thing.  But to me, it was huge!

If eternity is made up of small steps, eternal love is also made up of small steps.

Without the small things, love tends to get smothered by the onslaught of daily necessities and worldly priorities.  Especially if you have kids!  But love can begin to be rekindled by small things.  Try it, it works! And is more than worth the effort!  Happy Valentines!