Weâve all heard of moving the goalposts. It means changing the rules, or the goal, to make it more difficult for someone to succeed. Some people even do this to themselves, keeping satisfaction just out of reach. Itâs definitely a negative thing.
Or is it? Iâve written before about my love of gardening. Ironically, this is one area where I actually have patience. I know seedlings cannot become trees overnight, and I give them plenty of time to grow into what they can become. Yes, we fertilize and weed, we give them every opportunity to flourish. We donât scold them or yank them along. If they struggle we donât lecture them; we actually give even more love and attention.
How funnyâand sad, reallyâthat we are able to do this with plants, but less able to do this with people. Especially the people weâre âin charge of,â our children. Some of us accept the notion that there is a template, a format, for the things our children should do and when. We measure them against society (against social media postsâaauugh!) and against what we think are heavenly milestones.
These heavenly milestones are all good thingsâgraduating from seminary, hearing the Spirit, serving a mission, making sacred covenants, marrying in the temple, having children, serving in callings, the list goes on. And not one of these things should be forgotten about.
But what if our children donât hit these markers on schedule? What if theyâre delayed? What if things simply donât work out for them the way they did for your sisterâs kids? Many parents wring their hands, cry and weep, get angry, blame themselves, blame others, fall into depression, scold or shame their kids, and/or let these omissions become chasms between them and their children.
What plant could grow under such exacting, forceful circumstances? What person would want to keep coming home to such an unwelcoming atmosphere? I think this is when we need to move the goalposts. We arenât saying the goals are unimportant, just acknowledging that not everyoneâs timing is the same.
And, speaking of timing, we need to remember that Godâs timing rarely matches our own. He is infinitely patient with all of us. If we stumble and fall, He still loves us. He still believes in our potential. He is willing to wait for as long as it takes.
Too often Iâve found myself praying âgoalpost prayers.â I want what I want when I want it. So childish, really. Iâve acted as if Iâm the only one with the goal and I just need God to assist me. Thatâs backwards! He wants exaltation for our loved ones even more than we do! Heâs on it. Our job is to find out how we can supplement His truly divine efforts. We are to exercise faith that He is absolutely aware of the situation and doing all that is needful and appropriate now. Iâm the one scrambling around like a chicken with, you know, no head (which also means no brain!).
Many of us need to take a deep breath, relax, and give it to God. Our prayers can be for more faith in Him. We still hope all the same goals will be met, but weâve given up the hurry, the mortal panic, and the comparisons.
What if the changes you want in your loved ones donât happen in this lifetime? Is all lost? Of course not. We all know that tremendous learning and growth can take place in the next life. Letâs live like we believe that. Letâs know that everything will happen according to Heavenly Fatherâs plan, and not behave as if mortal life is the be-all and end-all.
What if it takes hundreds of years? Okay. So what? Weâre talking about eternity. We must have faith that, at some point, things will work out and our loved ones will respond to the nurturing lessons in the hereafter (might even be easier there).
Meanwhile, we can do what a good gardener does. We can give sunshine and moisture. We can protect. We can make our garden the friendly place where any plant would be happy to live. We can talk to our plants, even sing to them (yes, I do this and believe it helps). We cannot take away anotherâs free agency. We have only our own. Letâs use it to be welcoming and loving, and letâs not let goalposts become obstacles.
Hiltonâs books, humor blog, and Youtube Mom videos can be found on her website. She currently serves as an Inter-Faith Specialist for Church Communications.
PattieJune 3, 2021
I was the worried gardener always wanting/wishing perfection from my children. It wasnât until I listened to General Conference talk after General Conference talk year after year and finally gave it all to the Lord. Love of children and plants are basically the same. Some grow in good soil and others donât grow as well. They are still nourished. Love this valuable lesson.