While serving a mission at BYU-Hawaii, one of our favorite things to do was visit the village of Tonga at the Polynesian Cultural Center. Their drum show is amazing! Loud, entertaining, great rapport with the audience. Those drums were a great example of the speed of sound!
Another example: picture a group of moms at the playground or parents walking past the church nursery when, among the noise and crying of all those children, they recognize and respond to their child’s individual voice. The speed of sound and the speed of listening!
How often do we hear or listen at the speed of sound? Can we hear at the speed of the younger generation? Can we feel and understand as well as hear? Are we patient with the speed of communication with our spouse? Our parents? Our children? Do we expect everyone to communicate at the speed of television reporters or commentators? From a spiritual perspective, how well do we hear and hearken to prophets and apostles and local leaders of the church? As missionaries, do we teach at a speed of conversion? Do we listen to understand the concerns of those around us??
Some basic listening skills include the following:
- Face the speaker. Sit up straight or lean forward slightly to show your attentiveness through body language.
- Maintain eye contact to the degree that you all remain comfortable.
- Minimize external distractions. Turn off the TV. Put down your phone, your book or magazine, and ask the speaker and other listeners to do the same.
- Respond appropriately to show that you understand. Murmur (“uh-huh” and “um-hmm”) and nod. Raise your eyebrows. Say words such as “Really,” “Interesting,” as well as more direct prompts: “What did you do then?” and “What did she say?”
- Focus solely on what the speaker is saying. Try not to think about what you are going to say next. The conversation will follow a logical flow after the speaker makes her point.
- Minimize internal distractions. If your own thoughts keep interrupting, simply let them go and continuously re-focus your attention on the speaker, much as you would during meditation.
- Keep an open mind. Wait until the speaker is finished before deciding that you disagree. Try not to make assumptions about what the speaker is thinking. Seek to completely understand.
- Avoid letting the speaker know how you handled a similar situation. Unless they specifically ask for advice, assume they just need to talk it out.
- Even if the speaker is criticizing you, wait until they finish before you try to defend yourself. The speaker will feel as though their point has been made. They won’t feel the need to repeat it, and you’ll know the whole argument before you respond. Research shows that, on average, we can hear four times faster than we can talk, so we have the ability to sort ideas as they come in…and be ready for more.
- Engage yourself. Ask questions for clarification, but, once again, wait until the speaker has finished. That way, you won’t interrupt their train of thought. After you ask questions, paraphrase their point to make sure you didn’t misunderstand. Start with: “So you’re saying…”
In conclusion, if our speed of sound and their speed of listening differ, how can we better follow the Savior’s example? How can we “be still and know?”
May the Lord continue to bless us in our communications as we strive to be one as His disciples.
- Whitford, M., Kittelson, S., Foundations Manual, SOETP, unpublished, 2017, Florence, AZ.