In 2021, there was a missionary in the Ghana MTC with red hair. It is estimated that about 1-2% of the world population has red hair. Many of the missionaries at the MTC had never seen red hair. And they were always making comments to this elder. And it hurt his feelings.

Another missionary serving in the Ivory Coast was receiving a lot of unwanted attention because his skin was brown. He came from the Pacific island of Tahiti. He became irritated and wanted to fight. That would not have been a good outcome for the others because he was a competitive boxer.

While working as a therapist in prison, my officemate (also a therapist), would often make fun of my bird’s nest, i.e. my high forehead and the bald spot on the crown of my head. It actually did look like a bird’s nest. It didn’t bother me at all for two reasons. One, he had so little hair that he shaved his head. So I thought he was probably just jealous. Secondly, when I was young, I played Little League Baseball.

In Little League, I regularly was the pitcher. While anybody was pitching, the opposing team would yell: “Pitcher, pitcher, we want a belly-itcher!” Or when someone was batting, the other team would yell: “Hey batter, batter, batter! Swing!” Everything they yelled was an attempt to distract us and make us lose our concentration. Sometimes pitchers or batters who were easily distracted were said to have “rabbit ears.” They heard everything and it affected their performance.

In today’s world, crowds yell and other players engage in “trash talk” trying to make us take our eye off the ball. This doesn’t just happen in sports or missionary work; it also happens in many forms of electronic media. How many of us have “rabbit ears” today? How easily are we letting outside influences distract us from what matters most? The good news is that we have the power to focus on our own performance no matter what others do or say.

The red-headed missionary realized that their comments were harmless and, in many cases, they were an attempt to connect with and get to know him. He served a faithful mission and I was one of the lucky ones to be on his blast email each week where he continually shared uplifting, strengthening insights from his gospel study and his missionary experiences.

Fortunately, the elder from Tahiti never hit anyone. He said that he learned to focus on the two names on his missionary badge, his own and the Savior’s. He had a deep desire to worthily represent the Savior wherever he went and to do those things that would always honor the family name.

Adjusting to Missionary Life offers the following suggestions:

  • Give your brain time to override your emotions. The part of your brain that can reason and use good judgment is slower than the part of your brain that gets angry. Turn away from the situation for a few minutes and take some deep breaths to give your rational brain time to engage.
  • Don’t feed anger. People are more likely to feel angry when they choose to see others as (1) threatening, (2) unfair, or (3) disrespectful. Instead, see if you can think of a more charitable explanation for their behavior. For example, perhaps they are tired, uninformed, insecure, or think they are being helpful. Make the choice not to fuel anger.
  • Be calm, curious, and compassionate. Be curious about what others are thinking and feeling. Ask questions, listen carefully, tell the other person what you think you heard, and ask if you understood correctly. If not, try again.
  • Smile and be willing to laugh at yourself. Look in the mirror to see what you look like when you are angry. [Maybe you’re lucky enough to have a bird’s nest, too!]

May the Lord continue to bless us to focus on what matters most as His disciples in the great work of gathering Israel.