I originally wrote this article as a Facebook post, over a year before Cathy and I were married, based on my experience as a divorced member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and associating with divorce survivors over many years. Divorce survivors who wish to remarry should think carefully and deeply about these ideas and how they might be intentional in the years ahead.
If you want to ruin your marriage here are a few ideas:
(1) Repeatedly cut your spouse off when he or she is expressing something important.
(2) Use sarcasm and insults during a disagreement and raise your voice to talk over your spouse.
(3) Never do anything you don’t feel like doing, whether it is talking about something your spouse wants you to do, having sex when you are tired, or taking out the garbage when you don’t feel like it. (And when would you ever feel like it?)
(4) Have a joint checking account with both people spending out of it without limit, and just pray hard that the money won’t run out before the next paycheck. If the money does run out month after month, just claim an “emergency” and fall back on a credit card.
(5) Make insulting wisecracks about your spouse in front of other people or constantly censor and correct your spouse to show how embarrassed you are to be with someone that is so awkward and socially clueless.
(6) Don’t talk about the things you want. They are embarrassing right? Just expect your spouse to read your mind and “just see” what you want.
(7) When your spouse comes to you for comfort at the end of a hard day, make sure you are full of advice and criticism and admonish him or her to “stop whining” or words to that effect; and make sure to shift the conversation to make it all about you. After all, it is important to love yourself and make sure your needs are met first—and push your spouse to meet those needs.
(8) Be sure to keep a scorecard and constantly reiterate how unappreciated you feel for everything you do for your spouse.
(9) When your spouse does not live up to expectations, withhold sex, walk around with an icy glare on your face, and otherwise be passive-aggressive. Punish your partner in subtle ways and deny you are doing it. Asking nicely for what you want is too emotionally risky. Instead, complain about what your partner is not doing, and how disappointed you are that your relationship is not more connected.
(10) Stick to your guns even after an argument is resolved. Be sure to be distant and unavailable long enough to teach your spouse a lesson. Demand apologies and admissions of guilt before you will stop being hostile.
(11) Be sure to disparage your spouse and the opposite sex in general to your same sex friends. Don’t talk to your spouse. Just puzzle things out with your friends and get lots of affirmation that you are right, and he or she is wrong and unreasonable.
(12) Constantly nit-pick about your spouse putting things away in the wrong places, doing household chores incorrectly, or picking up the wrong thing at the store. If your spouse really loved you, he or she would make it a point to know what you want and do everything the way you want it done.
(13) Remind your spouse as often as possible how he or she is not living up to your expectations.
(14) Don’t say “I love you” unless you feel butterflies in your stomach. Be as withholding as you can. If you aren’t “feeling it,” tell your spouse, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Maybe even tell your partner that you think you married the wrong person.
(15) Complain about every penny your spouse spends and second guess every purchase no matter how small. Hide your own purchases and don’t let your spouse find out. Lie if you need to.
(16) Make jokes or disparaging comments about your spouse’s appearance and then cackle about it. Try to notice every physical flaw and dwell on them mentally.
(17) Don’t go on dates. Tell your spouse you don’t have time or can’t afford it—or better still that you just don’t feel like it. Remember, don’t do anything unless you feel like it.
(18) If you are unhappy or feeling low, evaluate your spouse’s conduct to find the reason—blame the spouse for everything.
(19) Constantly notice how much better other couples seem to be doing financially and blame your spouse for not being better at earning or saving money.
(20) Be peevish and easily irritated. Notice every nervous tick or strange habit your spouse has. Dwell on them until you become obsessed. That will pay off by causing you to notice other annoying things—more and more. Pretty soon, your spouse won’t even be able to enter a room without annoying you. You will not be able to stand the sight of him or her. You will not be able to speak to him or her without contempt in your voice. Let that contempt flow freely.
If you don’t think you can do all 20 of these things, don’t worry. Constantly repeating just a few of them will be sufficient to doom your marriage, whether you get divorced or not.
Related Content:
How to Guarantee Another Divorce
(be prepared to laugh your head off! )
https://youtu.be/gt9W6gSodcw?si=m9pvGg6h-HXkycVM
If you prefer to create a lasting marriage, stay tuned for next week’s article with the secrets!
20 Ways to Thrive in Marriage
About the Author
Jeff Teichert, and his wife Cathy Butler Teichert, are the founders of “Love in Later Years,” which ministers to Latter-day Saint single adults seeking peace, healing, and more joyful relationships. They are co-authors of the Amazon bestseller Intentional Courtship: A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jeff and Cathy each spent nearly a decade in the mid-singles community and they use that experience to provide counsel and hope to mid-singles and later married couples through written articles, podcasts, and videos. Jeff and Cathy are both Advanced Certified Life Coaches and have university degrees in Family & Human Development. They are the parents of a blended family that includes four handsome sons, one lovely daughter-in-law, and a sweet baby granddaughter.
Purchase Jeff & Cathy’s book Intentional Courtship:
Connect with Jeff & Cathy:
Website: http://www.loveinlateryears.com/
Podcast: https://anchor.fm/loveinlateryears
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/LoveInLaterYears
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Email:
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