Divorce can leave deep emotional scars, making the prospect of creating a successful and happy future marriage seem daunting. But there is always hope for building a strong and loving family in the future. By relying on faith and building hope, embracing gospel principles, and implementing practical strategies, you can overcome past disappointments and find joy and fulfillment in your future marriage and family life. Here are key insights to help you move forward with confidence and hope.

President David O. McKay famously said, “No other success can compensate for failure in the home” (Conference Report, April 1935, p. 116). This profound truth underscores the importance of the family unit in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. But for those who have experienced divorce, this teaching can sometimes lead to feelings of shame and inadequacy. Divorcees need to remember that, while divorce is a painful experience, it does not define your worth or your future potential for happiness.

You can find hope and healing and build a successful home and family once again. Remember, you have not failed in the home or in life if you are still trying to achieve a successful family with God’s help. Persistence is key in overcoming obstacles and achieving success. Give yourself grace for not knowing what you didn’t know. Remember that Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

  1. Rely on Your Faith

For members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, faith is a cornerstone in overcoming challenges. Trust in the Lord’s plan for you and remember His promises. Prayer, scripture study, and attending the temple can provide solace and guidance. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland has taught, “Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there.” Relying on your faith can help you move forward with hope and courage, preparing you for the possibility of a new and successful marriage.

  1. Learn from the Past, Don’t Dwell on It

Reflect on your previous relationship to understand what went wrong. But avoid getting stuck in a cycle of blame and regret. Use these insights as learning experiences that can inform your future efforts to build a successful marriage. Remember, every relationship is different, and just because your marriage ended in divorce doesn’t mean future relationships are doomed to follow the same path. Trust in the Lord’s ability to help you create a happy and healthy family.

  1. Rebuild Self-Confidence Through Service and Personal Growth

Divorce can take a huge toll on your self-esteem. Rebuilding self-confidence is crucial before stepping into the challenge of building a new family. Engage in activities that help you feel good about yourself and draw you closer to the Savior. Pursue hobbies, exercise, and spend time with friends and family who uplift you. Reach out to old friends—even friends you haven’t heard from in many years. Serving others in your community or church can also boost your self-esteem and help you focus on the positive things in your life. The more confident you feel, the more positive your outlook on the future will become.

  1. Set Realistic Expectations

It is easy to become disillusioned if you expect immediate perfection in new relationships. Understand that building a successful home is a process of exploration and growth. Not every date or new relationship will lead to a perfect family immediately, and that is okay. Approach each new relationship with an open mind and the intention of learning and enjoying the journey rather than seeking to know the end from the beginning. Remember the counsel from President Spencer W. Kimball, who said, “The right marriage is more important than any other association or career or occupation. It is the only relationship that is eternal” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, edited by Edward L. Kimball, p. 291).

  1. Practice Patience and Compassion

Be patient with yourself and others. Overcoming past hurts and building a successful home takes time. Being kind to yourself as you heal is essential during this process. Extend this compassion to potential partners and their families as well. Recognize that your dating partners likely also carry their own emotional baggage. Practicing empathy can create a more positive and understanding environment. The Savior’s example of love, forgiveness, and understanding can guide your interactions with others.

  1. Focus on the Present

Cynicism often stems from dwelling on past hurts or fearing future disappointments. Focus on the present moment and the relationships you are building. Engage in meaningful conversations, listen actively, and enjoy the process of getting to know someone new. Living in the present can help reduce anxiety and create a more enjoyable dating experience, paving the way for a successful future marriage and family.

  1. Seek Support from Trusted Friends and Church Leaders

Surround yourself with supportive friends and church leaders who understand your journey and encourage you to remain positive. Share your experiences and feelings with them, and let their encouragement help you maintain an optimistic outlook. Sometimes, a fresh perspective from someone who knows you well can make a significant difference. Participating in ward activities or groups within the Church can also provide a supportive community. Some of your most valuable friends will be those who went down this road ahead of you and have re-built their lives. Seek out their counsel and learn from them.

  1. Embrace Radical Acceptance and Forgiveness

Radical acceptance involves acknowledging reality as it is, without judgment or resistance. Radical acceptance means accepting your past—including your divorce—and understanding that these experiences do not define your future. Forgiveness is a crucial step in overcoming past failures and building a successful home. Holding onto grudges and resentment can poison your outlook on future relationships. Forgiving others frees you from chains of bitterness and allows you to move forward with a lighter heart. President Gordon B. Hinckley counseled, “If we can find forgiveness in our hearts for those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being” (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley, p. 233). Remember, forgiveness is more for your peace of mind and spiritual growth than for the other person’s benefit. Focus on changing your own heart and honor the agency of others.

  1. Embrace the Possibility of Love

One of the most challenging aspects of overcoming past failures is allowing yourself to be vulnerable again. Embrace the possibility of love, knowing that it involves risk but also the potential for immense joy. Remind yourself that opening your heart can lead to beautiful new beginnings and fulfilling relationships. Trust in the Lord’s timing and His desire for you to experience joy in your family life.

  1. Success is a Journey, Not a Moment

Understand that success in marriage and family life is a continuous journey, not a single moment of achievement. There will be ups and downs, but each step forward, no matter how small, is a victory. Celebrate the progress you make and recognize that building a successful family takes time, effort, and persistence. By maintaining a long-term perspective, you can find joy in the journey and remain hopeful for the future. Remember, a divorce does not mean you have failed in the home or in life, as long as you are still trying to succeed in these areas with God’s help. Persistence, coupled with faith, will guide you to the success you seek.

The journey of overcoming past failures and building a successful marriage and family after a divorce requires time, patience, and self-compassion. By acknowledging your emotions, learning from the past, rebuilding self-confidence, setting realistic expectations, focusing on the present, embracing radical acceptance, and understanding that success is a journey, you can gradually open yourself up to the possibility of building a happy and successful family life. Remember, every step you take towards overcoming cynicism brings you closer to creating a meaningful and joyful family. Trust in the Lord’s plan for you and allow yourself the opportunity to experience love and success anew.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

If you would like additional resources, go to loveinlateryears.com and sign up for a FREE Consult so we can direct you personally – we are here to support you!

About the Author

Jeff Teichert, and his wife Cathy Butler Teichert, are the founders of “Love in Later Years,” which ministers to Latter-day Saint single adults seeking peace, healing, and more joyful relationships. They are co-authors of the Amazon bestseller Intentional Courtship: A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jeff and Cathy each spent nearly a decade in the mid-singles community and they use that experience to provide counsel and hope to mid-singles and later married couples through written articles, podcasts, and videos. Jeff and Cathy are both Advanced Certified Life Coaches and have university degrees in Family & Human Development. They are the parents of a blended family that includes four handsome sons, one lovely daughter-in-law, and two sweet little granddaughters.

Purchase Jeff & Cathy’s book Intentional Courtship:

https://amzn.to/3GXW5h1

Connect with Jeff & Cathy:

Website: http://www.loveinlateryears.com/

Podcast: https://anchor.fm/loveinlateryears

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/loveinlateryears

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/LoveInLaterYears

Instagram: http://instagram.com/loveinlateryears/

Email: 

lo**************@gm***.com