I was raised by parents who spoke about finances often. my mother was a little bit of a spend thrift and my father wasn't. he taught us his children all about managing money esp money for the home. so when I married I thought everyone knew. shortly afterward I realized that wasn't the case. my husband loved to spend money even money he didn't have. we often didn't have food and were evicted from a rental home. I was so embarrassed. also he didn't like to work so as often as he could he took off. when I realized I was in this situation having one child so far...it caused me to fret and become fearful of his every move and mood. he would get happy when thinking he could spend money and then it also became associated with food..same thing...food and money. well, after awhile I realized something had to give..he was quiting job after job and we were not making it at all. it was at that time the military increased its pay and I convinced him to join. he agreed and joined the airforce and stayed for over 22 yrs. during which time he got his masters degree. we also had 5 kids. with all this he never changed but he did become aware of how tense was about money. I had three episodes of major depression and anxiety disorder. it was all over this the insecure feelings from it. you see he never changed. he would spend money on his hobbies and does even to this day. he decided to have an allowance for both of us and would give me 10bucks a week and 30bucks for himself. until one day someone said..wow you don't count yourself for much and then I insisted he give me as much as he got...well, as usual he wanted that allowance so I couldn't see what he was spending ..but he realized after awhile that I could see ..he spent it all on his hobby and began to owe money for his hobby unto which I decided to have him pay for that extra he purchased. well, it did cause a rift in our marriage as I nearly left him at the beginning but then went through depression so bad I couldn't go anywhere...I stayed but I realized I loved my husband and it would have killed me to leave him. I would have never been really happy. well, we are old people now and the problem still exists only now my husband is retired and still spending money on a different hobby..my allowance I received even from the meager 10bucks a week which to me was a lot and I had to be told by someone it wasn't...I saved and have quite a nest...I don't have hobbies and if I do something it doesn't cost anything...he isn't happy unless he is spending something on a hobby...he doesn't ever want to speak about money with me..he runs to his room. he is more emotional then most women. well our kids saw us fighting over money throughout our lives and when my husband suspected I was upset about something having to do with money he would shame me. he still does like I care more about money then him. its kind of strange as I buy nothing for myself..I think I care about security and with my children I really did. it affected my children differently. my daughter began to store and hoard food in her bedroom closet and the boys became aware of it by our arguing so when they married they didn't mind if their wives helped them manage it. it is very easy to speak about money to my kids ..I have one daughter and 4 sons. I couldn't let my sons grow up and not teach them about money and that they are the bread winner and to work and manage the money. the husband is the bread winner and if he cant do it then someone has to. I spent years on the couch of a shrink talking and my fears have never been resolved only because I live with it daily. my husband has a degree in business and he actually helped families manage their money but when it came to his own he cant see it. he blames me and thinks its all in my mind but my children can attest to the truth. we are financially sound and have no debt....why...because I never let up. I even told a shrink once I love my husband and therefore I will just let him handle the money even if we wound up in a bad place and my shrink said OH NO...someone has got to take charge of the money ...if he cant you have to...well, we aren't close because of it....its sad....and he wants me to have no credit for what we have...we live in a tiny apartment because he wants to...our cars are paid for...but he feels he needs to know its him who did it...so I have no say at all. I have given in to that ...so he can feel I guess one would say like a man the bread winner even though I have gone through hades with him. he did work after being in the military and then civilian life..and for that IM grateful. I have learned to be grateful for the moments when I think he might have caught on but its few and far between. his father died when he was 7yrs old and his mother remarried a man who wasn't very good father and he was never taught that is how I have compensated for what has gone down. I think that people going into a marriage should speak of all things and have classes on everything before getting married esp money because it can cause divorse ...
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vickieMay 29, 2015
I was raised by parents who spoke about finances often. my mother was a little bit of a spend thrift and my father wasn't. he taught us his children all about managing money esp money for the home. so when I married I thought everyone knew. shortly afterward I realized that wasn't the case. my husband loved to spend money even money he didn't have. we often didn't have food and were evicted from a rental home. I was so embarrassed. also he didn't like to work so as often as he could he took off. when I realized I was in this situation having one child so far...it caused me to fret and become fearful of his every move and mood. he would get happy when thinking he could spend money and then it also became associated with food..same thing...food and money. well, after awhile I realized something had to give..he was quiting job after job and we were not making it at all. it was at that time the military increased its pay and I convinced him to join. he agreed and joined the airforce and stayed for over 22 yrs. during which time he got his masters degree. we also had 5 kids. with all this he never changed but he did become aware of how tense was about money. I had three episodes of major depression and anxiety disorder. it was all over this the insecure feelings from it. you see he never changed. he would spend money on his hobbies and does even to this day. he decided to have an allowance for both of us and would give me 10bucks a week and 30bucks for himself. until one day someone said..wow you don't count yourself for much and then I insisted he give me as much as he got...well, as usual he wanted that allowance so I couldn't see what he was spending ..but he realized after awhile that I could see ..he spent it all on his hobby and began to owe money for his hobby unto which I decided to have him pay for that extra he purchased. well, it did cause a rift in our marriage as I nearly left him at the beginning but then went through depression so bad I couldn't go anywhere...I stayed but I realized I loved my husband and it would have killed me to leave him. I would have never been really happy. well, we are old people now and the problem still exists only now my husband is retired and still spending money on a different hobby..my allowance I received even from the meager 10bucks a week which to me was a lot and I had to be told by someone it wasn't...I saved and have quite a nest...I don't have hobbies and if I do something it doesn't cost anything...he isn't happy unless he is spending something on a hobby...he doesn't ever want to speak about money with me..he runs to his room. he is more emotional then most women. well our kids saw us fighting over money throughout our lives and when my husband suspected I was upset about something having to do with money he would shame me. he still does like I care more about money then him. its kind of strange as I buy nothing for myself..I think I care about security and with my children I really did. it affected my children differently. my daughter began to store and hoard food in her bedroom closet and the boys became aware of it by our arguing so when they married they didn't mind if their wives helped them manage it. it is very easy to speak about money to my kids ..I have one daughter and 4 sons. I couldn't let my sons grow up and not teach them about money and that they are the bread winner and to work and manage the money. the husband is the bread winner and if he cant do it then someone has to. I spent years on the couch of a shrink talking and my fears have never been resolved only because I live with it daily. my husband has a degree in business and he actually helped families manage their money but when it came to his own he cant see it. he blames me and thinks its all in my mind but my children can attest to the truth. we are financially sound and have no debt....why...because I never let up. I even told a shrink once I love my husband and therefore I will just let him handle the money even if we wound up in a bad place and my shrink said OH NO...someone has got to take charge of the money ...if he cant you have to...well, we aren't close because of it....its sad....and he wants me to have no credit for what we have...we live in a tiny apartment because he wants to...our cars are paid for...but he feels he needs to know its him who did it...so I have no say at all. I have given in to that ...so he can feel I guess one would say like a man the bread winner even though I have gone through hades with him. he did work after being in the military and then civilian life..and for that IM grateful. I have learned to be grateful for the moments when I think he might have caught on but its few and far between. his father died when he was 7yrs old and his mother remarried a man who wasn't very good father and he was never taught that is how I have compensated for what has gone down. I think that people going into a marriage should speak of all things and have classes on everything before getting married esp money because it can cause divorse ...
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