Finding a copy of Don Aslett's "Clutter's Last Stand" may be worthwhile: Adams Media, 57 Littlefield Street, Avon,
MA 02322, available at Amazon for around $10.
MaryannDecember 12, 2021
I am confused as to how he is hoarding if he won't "spend a dime."??
However, I agree with Bro. Steurer that hoarding is difficult to treat. We have acquaintances who ended their marriage because of this issue. I hope this woman will think long and hard before committing herself.
MaureenDecember 11, 2021
Good answers and advice Jeff. I live with and next door to hoarders, both of whom have, because of those they live with, learned to curb, or at least partition their "stuff" to their own space. If he's really got lots of money, too, a separate storage or even apartment, just for his accumulations ought to be easy enough to arrange. But it's probably the bigger issues of OCD, etc. that aren't as easily tucked away and may cause friction in closer, longer interaction. Good chance, at this age, the emotional/mental issues underlying the hoarding aren't going away, even if the clutter gets managed. I'd check out the veracity of the vast wealth, too. Somehow, I doubt it.
tfDecember 10, 2021
Reading the title chapter of "Andy Warhol was a Hoarder" by Claudia Kalb (subtitled "Inside the Minds of History's Great Personalities") may be an interesting exercise. I'm sure there are many other things out there on the subject. She probably doesn't want to marry this guy.
BrynnDecember 10, 2021
I would add an additional thought… You said this man has millions but “won’t spend a dime”. A friend of mine married a man who also fit that description. While she knew about this tendency when they were dating, she had not fully thought through what it would mean during their marriage. It has become highly challenging for her as he has refused to spend any money, not only on things she might hope for, but also for things she needs. Even though she works and has an income of her own, he is always arguing with her about issues like why she can’t get less expensive lenses for her glasses than what her eye doctor recommended or why they need to replace household fixtures that are broken (even though they can afford it). It has caused her to feel she isn’t important to him and he doesn’t perceive her to be a full partner in the marriage. And constantly dealing with different perspectives of how to use their financial resources has been emotionally draining and harmful to their relationship. Be aware that while this might seem to be merely a tendency towards thriftiness or a personal quirk while dating, if he has a drive to “hoard money”, that has the potential for becoming a much deeper issue if you marry and view the use of financial resources very differently. And as Geoff describes if he has a mental drive to "hoard" money, that will likely not be easy to change.
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Richard EastwoodDecember 13, 2021
Finding a copy of Don Aslett's "Clutter's Last Stand" may be worthwhile: Adams Media, 57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322, available at Amazon for around $10.
MaryannDecember 12, 2021
I am confused as to how he is hoarding if he won't "spend a dime."?? However, I agree with Bro. Steurer that hoarding is difficult to treat. We have acquaintances who ended their marriage because of this issue. I hope this woman will think long and hard before committing herself.
MaureenDecember 11, 2021
Good answers and advice Jeff. I live with and next door to hoarders, both of whom have, because of those they live with, learned to curb, or at least partition their "stuff" to their own space. If he's really got lots of money, too, a separate storage or even apartment, just for his accumulations ought to be easy enough to arrange. But it's probably the bigger issues of OCD, etc. that aren't as easily tucked away and may cause friction in closer, longer interaction. Good chance, at this age, the emotional/mental issues underlying the hoarding aren't going away, even if the clutter gets managed. I'd check out the veracity of the vast wealth, too. Somehow, I doubt it.
tfDecember 10, 2021
Reading the title chapter of "Andy Warhol was a Hoarder" by Claudia Kalb (subtitled "Inside the Minds of History's Great Personalities") may be an interesting exercise. I'm sure there are many other things out there on the subject. She probably doesn't want to marry this guy.
BrynnDecember 10, 2021
I would add an additional thought… You said this man has millions but “won’t spend a dime”. A friend of mine married a man who also fit that description. While she knew about this tendency when they were dating, she had not fully thought through what it would mean during their marriage. It has become highly challenging for her as he has refused to spend any money, not only on things she might hope for, but also for things she needs. Even though she works and has an income of her own, he is always arguing with her about issues like why she can’t get less expensive lenses for her glasses than what her eye doctor recommended or why they need to replace household fixtures that are broken (even though they can afford it). It has caused her to feel she isn’t important to him and he doesn’t perceive her to be a full partner in the marriage. And constantly dealing with different perspectives of how to use their financial resources has been emotionally draining and harmful to their relationship. Be aware that while this might seem to be merely a tendency towards thriftiness or a personal quirk while dating, if he has a drive to “hoard money”, that has the potential for becoming a much deeper issue if you marry and view the use of financial resources very differently. And as Geoff describes if he has a mental drive to "hoard" money, that will likely not be easy to change.
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