This is years later, but nobody is talking about what to do when bishops bully members. Given their authority, when they bully those who come to them for guidance or assistance, their abuse is especially egregious, but nobody is talking about it. What to do in this scenario?
linda s.March 29, 2014
I find it completely unbelievable and inexcusable adult members of the church to allow their children to be bullies! What are they thinking? Don't they know that as members of the church, we will be more severely judged by the Lord than those who have not taken the covenants? Wise up, LDS adults!!!
NancyMarch 22, 2014
My granddaughter is being bullied by the same girls at church and at school. This is a huge problem in the church and am glad it is being addressed. As a primary worker, I have seen many children leave the church at a young age because of bullying. So sad. Church should be a safe place. The Gospel is true, some people make it hard to live, but we continue to pray for them.
MariahMarch 19, 2014
How fortunate these children were to have parents who supported them. In my case, the Bishop and his counselors decided that we weren't suitable to be involved in Young Men/Young Women's. I could have dealt with it if they hadn't made sure their daughters and sons got the special rewards for perfect attendance and opportunities to express their talents. In this instance being stubborn and defiant helped. Why? Because I decided after being walkabout for a while to come back to the found of living water and truth. I also had a greater understanding when the same sort of bullying happened to my oldest daughter and was able to help her stay strong and committed and be successful anyway.
Cristie GardnerMarch 19, 2014
To Jon, Wendelyn, and Harold, I really appreciate your comments! I'm sad to know this problem IS a challenge for many folks in many wards, but I'm optimistic that with the right Source--the Divine Source--of answers to our questions, we can find peace and so can our children. That has been our experience.
Chris JMarch 18, 2014
This is a difficult situation to be in with children who so desperately want to be accepted at church and school. Like Jon, who spoke of his children leaving the church, the same happened to my sons. The only problem it was the Bishop and Scout leaders who bullied my children. One son has left the church and wants nothing to do with it and thinks we are fools for believing. He does not hesitate to tell us how wrong we are. The other is only somewhat active, though will not attend church here if he visits us. Some have said it is the problem of the boys to be forgiving and its their problem. That is very difficult when the Bishop tells them they are going to H*ll. Bullies come in all shapes and sizes and unfortunately, many are in the church.
JonMarch 18, 2014
I lost a son and the Church lost him and my daughter, in part due to Bullies at Church. If only teachers and leaders had followed correct principles, perhaps the bullies could have been stopped in their tracks.
JonMarch 18, 2014
I have an uncle who is inactive, and I remember my grandfather once talking about how cruel to him some his his peers at church had been. It is a tough problem, and ironically, I think often the driven nature of those families who most help move the church forward also easily translates into exclusivity, especially among the immature, younger members of such families.
WendelynMarch 18, 2014
Thank you - so inspirational!
BulliedgirlMarch 18, 2014
I was bullied by some young girls when I was 6 years old, about in 1961. My parents had just recently joined the church and we were new members. I had a ride to primary every Wednesday afternoon with a family who lived down the street from us. Our family only had one vehicle, as my father needed it for his work. This family had a very large station wagon with extra seats in the back. They don't make station wagons like those any more. I rode in the back with Angela (name has been changed) and her older sister. Angela was also in my 2nd grade class at school. These two girls tormented me, verbally taunted me, and pinched me, (all very quietly of course, so that their mother who was driving the car would not know). This also occurred at school, but to a lesser degree. I enjoyed attending Primary, but the ride to and from was horrible. I did not share with my mother what was going on. I'm not sure why I didn't, but that was the case. I do recall on occasion pleading with my mother not to make me go to primary, but to no avail, she sent me anyway. Then one afternoon after school I saw flashing lights from police cars down the street near the home of this family. The next day at school I learned that Angela, my tormenter, had drowned in the creek behind their home, the afternoon previous when I had seen the police cars on the street. At my young age of 6, I did not feel any sorrow for the demise of my classmate. When I arrived home that afternoon I ran into the house joyfully announcing that Angela had died. My mother burst into tears. I could not understand why she would cry about Angela. I was delighted that my tormentor was gone. I felt a great sense of relief. Even now 50+ years later I have very little sorrow over her demise. The gospel teaches us that children who die before the age of 8 are automatically saved in the celestial kingdom. I suppose that this doctrine may have given her family some comfort at the time of her death. I hope that maybe, someday, I too can be saved in the Celestial Kingdom.
KristaMarch 18, 2014
Thanks you so much for this article. It came just at the right time. My daughter & I attend a small branch and she is being bullied by none other than our cousins. Our leaders have always put a stop to it the instant they see it, but unfortunately, she also goes to school with them too, where they recruit a wider circle of willing participants. Their mother has been told of this, but she does nothing, as she is the one teaching her children to be this way. She has always been a bully to family and pretty nearly every member of our little branch. Her parents are no better either, but because we all want harmony, we try to be like Christ and be nice to them.
As my daughter has some mental health issues, she is behind in maturity and does not really know how to react, except to have her feelings hurt. Just this past Sunday, she was being made fun of for being TOO NICE!!! On the way home, I gave her a pep talk, telling her to be proud of herself for being exactly the way Heavenly Father wants her to be, among other things, and told her the same solution you did. She has to pray for her own answer to handle this problem. We are already on the outs with their mom over another bullying incident (she can dish it out but certainly can't take it back) and she is out to ruin our reputation at any chance she can get. She also hates our branch president, so there's no use in getting him to talk to her either. We just have to keep praying for an answer and not let these kids win.
JonMarch 18, 2014
I lost a son and the Church lost him and my daughter, in part due to Bullies at Church. If only teachers and leaders had followed correct principles, perhaps the bullies could have been stopped in their tracks.
CindyMarch 18, 2014
My oldest child experienced bullying at church. I was so angry because one of the bullies was the child of one of my dear friends. I felt like my friend should have "made" her child behave better, though I never said anything to her. The solution to the problem finally came through prayer--it was a much smarter answer than I could have come up with on my own.
Several years later I got to experience the other side when one of my children was mean for a long time to a child of our best friends. I was frustrated because there literally was nothing I could do to make my child behave better. I could see that confronting my other friend about her child's behavior in the previous situation would have accomplished nothing. I was so grateful for the graciousness of our friends at that time; they acknowledged how difficult it was for their child but at the same time were so loving to us. They have been my model for how to handle these situations in the future...
Harold RustMarch 18, 2014
I can really identify with this article, but for my brothers and I it was a reversed situation. Our widow mother had new neighbors who shook all the apples down from one of her trees and the mother of the boys didn't seem willing to do anything about it. My brother and I were in different states, but jointly decided on what we would do to those boys when we came to our home town for a reunion in a few weeks.
However, finding her own methods, my mother went back to the boys with an offer to pay them 10 cents for each apple they picked up. They were best friends and neighbors from that time forward.
Comments | Return to Story
Miya ClarkJanuary 3, 2020
This is years later, but nobody is talking about what to do when bishops bully members. Given their authority, when they bully those who come to them for guidance or assistance, their abuse is especially egregious, but nobody is talking about it. What to do in this scenario?
linda s.March 29, 2014
I find it completely unbelievable and inexcusable adult members of the church to allow their children to be bullies! What are they thinking? Don't they know that as members of the church, we will be more severely judged by the Lord than those who have not taken the covenants? Wise up, LDS adults!!!
NancyMarch 22, 2014
My granddaughter is being bullied by the same girls at church and at school. This is a huge problem in the church and am glad it is being addressed. As a primary worker, I have seen many children leave the church at a young age because of bullying. So sad. Church should be a safe place. The Gospel is true, some people make it hard to live, but we continue to pray for them.
MariahMarch 19, 2014
How fortunate these children were to have parents who supported them. In my case, the Bishop and his counselors decided that we weren't suitable to be involved in Young Men/Young Women's. I could have dealt with it if they hadn't made sure their daughters and sons got the special rewards for perfect attendance and opportunities to express their talents. In this instance being stubborn and defiant helped. Why? Because I decided after being walkabout for a while to come back to the found of living water and truth. I also had a greater understanding when the same sort of bullying happened to my oldest daughter and was able to help her stay strong and committed and be successful anyway.
Cristie GardnerMarch 19, 2014
To Jon, Wendelyn, and Harold, I really appreciate your comments! I'm sad to know this problem IS a challenge for many folks in many wards, but I'm optimistic that with the right Source--the Divine Source--of answers to our questions, we can find peace and so can our children. That has been our experience.
Chris JMarch 18, 2014
This is a difficult situation to be in with children who so desperately want to be accepted at church and school. Like Jon, who spoke of his children leaving the church, the same happened to my sons. The only problem it was the Bishop and Scout leaders who bullied my children. One son has left the church and wants nothing to do with it and thinks we are fools for believing. He does not hesitate to tell us how wrong we are. The other is only somewhat active, though will not attend church here if he visits us. Some have said it is the problem of the boys to be forgiving and its their problem. That is very difficult when the Bishop tells them they are going to H*ll. Bullies come in all shapes and sizes and unfortunately, many are in the church.
JonMarch 18, 2014
I lost a son and the Church lost him and my daughter, in part due to Bullies at Church. If only teachers and leaders had followed correct principles, perhaps the bullies could have been stopped in their tracks.
JonMarch 18, 2014
I have an uncle who is inactive, and I remember my grandfather once talking about how cruel to him some his his peers at church had been. It is a tough problem, and ironically, I think often the driven nature of those families who most help move the church forward also easily translates into exclusivity, especially among the immature, younger members of such families.
WendelynMarch 18, 2014
Thank you - so inspirational!
BulliedgirlMarch 18, 2014
I was bullied by some young girls when I was 6 years old, about in 1961. My parents had just recently joined the church and we were new members. I had a ride to primary every Wednesday afternoon with a family who lived down the street from us. Our family only had one vehicle, as my father needed it for his work. This family had a very large station wagon with extra seats in the back. They don't make station wagons like those any more. I rode in the back with Angela (name has been changed) and her older sister. Angela was also in my 2nd grade class at school. These two girls tormented me, verbally taunted me, and pinched me, (all very quietly of course, so that their mother who was driving the car would not know). This also occurred at school, but to a lesser degree. I enjoyed attending Primary, but the ride to and from was horrible. I did not share with my mother what was going on. I'm not sure why I didn't, but that was the case. I do recall on occasion pleading with my mother not to make me go to primary, but to no avail, she sent me anyway. Then one afternoon after school I saw flashing lights from police cars down the street near the home of this family. The next day at school I learned that Angela, my tormenter, had drowned in the creek behind their home, the afternoon previous when I had seen the police cars on the street. At my young age of 6, I did not feel any sorrow for the demise of my classmate. When I arrived home that afternoon I ran into the house joyfully announcing that Angela had died. My mother burst into tears. I could not understand why she would cry about Angela. I was delighted that my tormentor was gone. I felt a great sense of relief. Even now 50+ years later I have very little sorrow over her demise. The gospel teaches us that children who die before the age of 8 are automatically saved in the celestial kingdom. I suppose that this doctrine may have given her family some comfort at the time of her death. I hope that maybe, someday, I too can be saved in the Celestial Kingdom.
KristaMarch 18, 2014
Thanks you so much for this article. It came just at the right time. My daughter & I attend a small branch and she is being bullied by none other than our cousins. Our leaders have always put a stop to it the instant they see it, but unfortunately, she also goes to school with them too, where they recruit a wider circle of willing participants. Their mother has been told of this, but she does nothing, as she is the one teaching her children to be this way. She has always been a bully to family and pretty nearly every member of our little branch. Her parents are no better either, but because we all want harmony, we try to be like Christ and be nice to them. As my daughter has some mental health issues, she is behind in maturity and does not really know how to react, except to have her feelings hurt. Just this past Sunday, she was being made fun of for being TOO NICE!!! On the way home, I gave her a pep talk, telling her to be proud of herself for being exactly the way Heavenly Father wants her to be, among other things, and told her the same solution you did. She has to pray for her own answer to handle this problem. We are already on the outs with their mom over another bullying incident (she can dish it out but certainly can't take it back) and she is out to ruin our reputation at any chance she can get. She also hates our branch president, so there's no use in getting him to talk to her either. We just have to keep praying for an answer and not let these kids win.
JonMarch 18, 2014
I lost a son and the Church lost him and my daughter, in part due to Bullies at Church. If only teachers and leaders had followed correct principles, perhaps the bullies could have been stopped in their tracks.
CindyMarch 18, 2014
My oldest child experienced bullying at church. I was so angry because one of the bullies was the child of one of my dear friends. I felt like my friend should have "made" her child behave better, though I never said anything to her. The solution to the problem finally came through prayer--it was a much smarter answer than I could have come up with on my own. Several years later I got to experience the other side when one of my children was mean for a long time to a child of our best friends. I was frustrated because there literally was nothing I could do to make my child behave better. I could see that confronting my other friend about her child's behavior in the previous situation would have accomplished nothing. I was so grateful for the graciousness of our friends at that time; they acknowledged how difficult it was for their child but at the same time were so loving to us. They have been my model for how to handle these situations in the future...
Harold RustMarch 18, 2014
I can really identify with this article, but for my brothers and I it was a reversed situation. Our widow mother had new neighbors who shook all the apples down from one of her trees and the mother of the boys didn't seem willing to do anything about it. My brother and I were in different states, but jointly decided on what we would do to those boys when we came to our home town for a reunion in a few weeks. However, finding her own methods, my mother went back to the boys with an offer to pay them 10 cents for each apple they picked up. They were best friends and neighbors from that time forward.
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