This is one of the most helpful articles I've read about marriage. Very practical and helpful advice. Hal's comment was a powerful reinforcement of the principles you taught. Thanks.
HalJuly 3, 2019
Thank your for this article. I found this out the hard way. My first marriage was to a divorcee' who condescended to marry me because she saw me as "a diamond in the rough." (i.e. "project"). I was determined to be the best husband possible and sacrificed to accommodate her every desire. However, I never quite measured up to her expectations. Her disappointment in me gradually turned to frustration and finally to the point where she despised me and I couldn't do anything right. As mentioned in the article, over the years, I HAD changed to meet her expectations. Unfortunately, it was like getting a puppy that is, at first, adored for what it is. But then it digs up the yard, so you have it declawed; it barks all the time, so you have it debarked; it sheds on the carpet, so you have it shaved; you get tired of cleaning up after it, so you banish it to a 4 x 8 foot dog run. You still have a dog, but it is a sad, lonely, neurotic animal that is no fun for anyone (especially the dog). That's the way I felt - I had changed to meet my wife's expectations but, in doing so, was "no longer the man I used to be." The man my wife fell in love with had become someone else and she didn't like it. Looking back, it was inevitable that we divorced. I later met a wonderful woman who took me for who I was and our love has grown and flourished for many years now. Perhaps I needed my first marriage to appreciate just how well I am treated by my current wife.
Comments | Return to Story
SueJuly 7, 2019
This is one of the most helpful articles I've read about marriage. Very practical and helpful advice. Hal's comment was a powerful reinforcement of the principles you taught. Thanks.
HalJuly 3, 2019
Thank your for this article. I found this out the hard way. My first marriage was to a divorcee' who condescended to marry me because she saw me as "a diamond in the rough." (i.e. "project"). I was determined to be the best husband possible and sacrificed to accommodate her every desire. However, I never quite measured up to her expectations. Her disappointment in me gradually turned to frustration and finally to the point where she despised me and I couldn't do anything right. As mentioned in the article, over the years, I HAD changed to meet her expectations. Unfortunately, it was like getting a puppy that is, at first, adored for what it is. But then it digs up the yard, so you have it declawed; it barks all the time, so you have it debarked; it sheds on the carpet, so you have it shaved; you get tired of cleaning up after it, so you banish it to a 4 x 8 foot dog run. You still have a dog, but it is a sad, lonely, neurotic animal that is no fun for anyone (especially the dog). That's the way I felt - I had changed to meet my wife's expectations but, in doing so, was "no longer the man I used to be." The man my wife fell in love with had become someone else and she didn't like it. Looking back, it was inevitable that we divorced. I later met a wonderful woman who took me for who I was and our love has grown and flourished for many years now. Perhaps I needed my first marriage to appreciate just how well I am treated by my current wife.
ADD A COMMENT