Our now going on 46 years of marriage with 9 children and 34 grandchildren with a few more to come started out with merely friendship. Neither of us had even a hint of romantic feelings. And that continued not weeks, but months. She was not at all my type from the standpoint of who I would be attracted to enough to date, and I was to her in the same category. But, in our case, because of our assignments in church, and her need for occasional rides, and finally with the two of us trying a summer business together during our college years as friends, I gradually began to have the very feelings the man spoke about in this article. All those qualities we should also become familiar with besides attraction turned me around, and caused me to see her in a different light. She became more and more attractive to me as time passed, while I was still merely a friend to her. Prayerfully, I was able to retain our friendship as if I had no deeper feelings until after a few weeks passed, and our church put on a summer outing in the pines. I asked her to come with me to fellowship a girl who was overweight and had few friends, and she finally consented. That day, for the first time I changed my hair from the old fashioned comb back style to a new over the side style. I bought a pair of more in the fashion pants and shirt. I then made it a point without being obvious to spend time with her by enticing her to do what I knew she would want. She consented to go on a hike. We still never held hands at that point, nor was she inclined (she still did not know that I was inclined). I managed the hike skilfully and at one point told her I would like to rest for a while and enjoy the weather, scenery, clouds and blue sky, birds, etc. While she and I were resting about six feet apart, she started staring at me unbeknown to me. I finally looked over and saw tears in her eyes. It was then that she had an amazing change of heart. Suddenly I was the best of all the young men she wished would take her out. The rest of the day went well. On the way home, she made it a point to sit next to me rather than at the passenger door the way we came. And she put her head on my shoulder. Though there is more to the story, we have been in love ever since, and have a wonderful life together. We have had struggles, but have always worked them out as most good marriages require. So the advice on this article is right on. Spend time with a good friend, and expand your time with those you think you would rather be with. That's what we did. And over time we found that no one else compared to the relationship we had together.
When I met my wife, 47 years ago, it was like we've known each other all our lives. Which was not possible, considering that I grew up in Georgia and she was from New Jersey. We met while I was stationed at Ft Monmouth, NJ in 1971. When we met all we did was talk about the Church and what we wanted out of life. We talked all night long, until she had to go home. She was not a member of the Church and so we spent a lot of time talking about it. She was in a holding pattern in her church while looking for the one that taught what she believed. We met in March and got married in December, then 8 months later she was baptized. Shortly after we were married, I was sent to Vietnam in 1972 and then to Korea, 6 months later, where she was able to join me. Our first child was born in a Korean hospital. I was attracted by her spirit and that we felt like we had known each other all out lives. I believe that in the pre-existence, we knew each other and promised that we would, somehow find each other. And with the help of the Lord, we did.
Romantic attraction (love), is a relatively new concept. There are still many societies that practice arranged marriages. I believe that any two people who wish to make a marriage work can. Now how easy it is will depend on a number of factors and that is what the dating period is for, to reduce some of those major factors that would derail a marriage. (for example, Its hard enough to raise kids as it is, but knowing that both parents are of the same religious beliefs may reduce some of those difficulties.)
That is, Love, is a choice. You should look for someone that you are comfortable with. As long as you are not repulsed by the person's looks, then you can (and likely will) learn to love the way they look. In any case, looks change. I would think that the old saying of "they have a great personality" might be a better gauge of long term marriage potential than "love at first sight".
For what it is worth, I know of several people who, on first meeting were unattractive, but with further appreciation of their personalities became very attractive...and vice versa. Beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
You are downplaying the importance of physical attraction, but it's important enough that it needs to be there. If there is not physical attraction, he is not going to really want her sexually. She deserves to be with someone really wants her and not just someone who loves the person she is. Yes, physical attraction is important. It help us to weed out who might be a good match and who is not going to be a good match. It's great to give it a little time and see if it develops, but if there is no physical attraction, don't do that to her or to yourself.
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