The Singles Program of the Church is not meant to be a dating service, nor should it be one. While there are days when a few singles may sincerely appreciate the talents of a qualified matchmaker, or a professional dating service, most individuals are drawn to the official LDS Singles program for companionship of a more personal and spiritual nature, than pursuits of romance.
This past weekend I found myself driving four hours from my small southern Virginia town up to the Washington, DC area for a mid-singles conference. I was very excited for this opportunity. I had been planning on making this trip for several months. I drive up to DC about once a month, and lived in the area for 30 years. It wasn’t the trip to the big city that had me excited. It was the chance to spend time with other singles that had me excited. A trip like this is not cheap or easy for me to make. There’s the cost of the conference, the cost of gas, food for the trip, etc., not to mention needing to arrange for a dog sitter, and someone to take my responsibilities at church for a day. It requires a great deal of effort and desire to make a trip like this, and yet it is all worth it just for the chance to enjoy the company of like-minded individuals for a short while.
If a woman attended the conference this weekend with the intent of finding a husband, chances are she went home disappointed. I’m not saying there weren’t good men there. In fact, I met several great men. However, the odds were about 5 women for every man. I looked around the room at one point, filled with about thirty round tables and noticed each table had about 5-7 women and 1-2 men gathered around. Not exactly a guy for every girl!
But the conference was still a success in my book! Gathered around those tables I heard many subjects discussed- career transitions, the difficulties of planning a move alone, traveling, friends, different wards and activities, the ups and downs of roommates, the ups and downs of living alone, the emotions of going through an illness alone and when family lives far away, the demands of being a contributing member of a family from far away, balancing the demands of children and a dating life, and many other subjects (often which included “Hey, do you know that guy/girl over there? What’s he/she like?”) For the first time in months I wasn’t the odd man out. I belonged. I fit in.
These are not subjects normally discussed in the hallways of a “family ward,” but they do better reflect the needs and concerns of single saints. I enjoy the family ward that I attend, but as the only single woman (who is not a widow or divorcee older than my parents), I do not expect my ward to fulfill my spiritual needs for companionship and like-mindedness. If it takes driving to Washington, DC to feel normal and like I fit in for a few hours, I will do it. I enjoy my family ward, and I am blessed to be in a ward that uses me and allows me to contribute. But often I do not fit in when conversations revolve around home schooling, freezer meals, school curricula, parenting techniques, etc.
The singles program does not exist as a way to provide a weekly meat market for singles to meet each other. They exist for the same reason as all other wards- to meet the spiritual nature of the Saints. In her book, “No One Can Take Your Place,” Sheri Dew speaks of how the atonement is not just for sinners. It is for everyone who has ever felt pain. Saints gather together to share the blessings and gifts of the atonement each Sunday. And when single saints gather they share the blessings of the atonement as it applies to a life lived alone.
Being unmarried does not equal a sad sort of loneliness. I hesitate to say that when singles gather together they share the pain or burden of being single, when in fact, it is quite the opposite! When single saints gather together they are for those few hours not sharing “pain.” It is not a commiseration and gathering of the loneliness of coming from the island of misfit toys. Instead, they are surrounded and included, sharing many common threads of life, and not just one or two. Everyone wants to belong and feel accepted, and at a singles conference, activity, or ward services, singles have that opportunity.
The singles program of the Church does not need to be a dating service in order to be useful, appropriate or needed. Meeting the spiritual needs of all Saints is the most important goal of all Church services, the singles program included!
Erin Ann McBride is a writer, dreamer, blogger, and service volunteer. Equal parts Mary Poppins, Carrie Bradshaw, and Mother Theresa, she goes where the wind blows, writes about single life, and is devoted to helping others. You can read more about what defines her at the Story of a Nice Mormon Girl.
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