There are times in life when the mortality of the ones you love stands before you in all its dreadful reality. Although I know that no one lives forever, I spend most of my life ignoring this fact and blissfully believing that everything will always remain as it is. The ones I love will live on and on and I will have their companionship always.
This past month I experienced one of those mortality check moments when my dad was diagnosed with what can be a very deadly disease. Many people survive it, but that fear of death is part of any diagnosis. I wanted nothing more than to run to him as I had seen him run to my aid and the aid of so many others. I couldn’t do anything, but I wanted to be there for him like he’d been there for me. I made the trip to visit him and just minutes before I had to leave I sat snuggled up next to him, under his protective arm. I had been there many times in my life and I hoped that I would get to be there many more times to come.
This experience has reminded me of the importance of my father in my life, the importance of my husband in the lives of our children and the importance of fathers to our society. We need fathers. Several years ago Elder Jeffery R. Holland addressed this topic and quoted a recent author as saying, “Fatherlessness (is) the most harmful demographic trend of this generation, the leading cause of damage to children. It is . . . the engine driving our most urgent social problems, from poverty to crime to adolescent pregnancy to child abuse to domestic violence. Among the principal social issues of our time is the flight of fathers from their children’s lives (April 1999, General Conference).”
The flight of fathers from the lives of children is not something I want to address, but the steadfast resolve of fathers to never leave their children behind. I am reminded of a group of fathers who refused to flee from their families even when their king demanded it. Even when staying meant they might lose their lives.
We find their story in the Book of Mormon during the reign of King Noah.When the Lamanites came upon the people of Nephi, King Noah commanded that all the people should flee into the wilderness. The Lamanites soon overcame them and began to slay them. The cry became one of “Save yourself!” and “the king commanded them that all the men should leave their wives and their children and flee before the Lamanites. Now there were many that would not leave them, but had rather stay and perish with them. And the rest left their wives and their children and fled (Mosiah 19:11-12).”
I am familiar with many men who like those Nephite fathers have refused to leave their families, even when the world calls that things are better, easier and more exciting without a family to cramp your style. Much is said about fathers who do flee, those absent fathers, distant and deadbeat dads, but what of the many fathers every day who steadfastly provide, protect and preside over their families. They are not heralded by the world, but there are those who know their sacrifices and appreciate them. They know that the man they call dad is the best of men.
Only a dad with a tired face,
Coming home from the daily race,
Toiling and striving from day to day,
Facing whatever may come his way,
Glad in his heart that his own rejoice
To see him come home and to hear his voice.
Only a dad, but he gives his all,
Smoothing the way for his children small,
Doing with courage so stern and grim
The deeds that his father did for him.
These are the lines that for him I pen,
Only a dad – but the best of men.
(quoted by Jeffery R. Holland, April 1999, General Confernce)
On the day our first son was born one of the best of men became a father. I had spent the past nine months becoming a mother. I’d grown along with the baby inside me discovering a powerful love for someone I had yet to meet. But, I think it was a little different for my husband. He had been with me through it all, he’d felt the little bumping kicks the baby made, he’d worried about how he would take care of us, but there was something missing yet. After a long labor and delivery I was exhausted and quickly drifted off to sleep with Harold sitting nearby holding our new baby boy. When I awoke to sunlight coming in the window I was greeted with the same scene. Silhouetted in the daylight was my husband with a look of pure love and adoration for the infant he was holding. He had transformed somehow. In those hours of my sleep he had held, looked at and loved that tiny baby and in the process he had become a father. I always knew he was a man like those Nephite fathers, a man who would never flee from his family, but now I could see it shining in his eyes.
That day Harold joined the ranks of brave men, men like the father described in the 2003 version of Peter Pan. Mrs. Darling is putting the children to bed before she goes out for the evening with their father. She tells them, “Your father is a brave man.” When they give her incredulous looks she says, “There are many different kinds of bravery. There’s the bravery of thinking of others before oneself. Though your father has never brandished a sword or fired a pistol, he’s made many sacrifices for his family and put away many dreams. “Where has he put them?” Michael asks. “He put them in a drawer,” his mother replies,” and sometimes late at night he takes them out to admire them. But, it gets harder and harder to close the drawer, but he does and that is why he is brave.”
I don’t think the children understand what she is saying, but I do. Our fathers and husbands have put away dreams and ambitions to care for their families. Perhaps it is the dream of a wonderful toy be it a boat, car, or motorcycle that is never bought because the needs of the family come first. Maybe it is a career that doesn’t pay enough to provide or takes them away from home too much so they forgo it to work a job that gives them the time and money to take care of what matters most. They have shown that bravery of thinking of others first. I can only imagine what a burden it must be to provide for a family, but they do it without complaint. I can only imagine what a responsibility it is to protect a family, to know that, “there will be times when all that stands as a shield between (their) family and the adversary’s mischief will be (the power of the priesthood)” that they hold. To know that they must be ready at all times to “receive direction from the Lord by way of the gift of the Holy Ghost (President Boyd K.
Packer, April 2010, General Conference).” Yet, they are there, watchful and ready to protect.
Our father’s are there for us, never running away from the duty that is theirs. I get to keep my dad awhile longer. But, even when it is his time to go I know I have and will continue to be blessed by his bravery and steadfastness in my life. Like other fathers he has taught me that there is a living Father in Heaven. He has helped me to know His Son. Within that knowledge I know that family relationships go on forever. My dad will always be mine and I will always be his because he never left me behind.
Kimberli Pelo Robison is the daughter of Dale Pelo. She is the wife of Harold Robison who is the father of their six children. She has a degree in Family and Human Development from Utah State University.
