“Apparently the purpose of the Gospel is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” – President Harold B. Lee
MARRIAGE!! Did everyone else hear that word ringing from the pulpit throughout General Conference? Let’s review some of the most specific counsel we have ever been given from the prophet and apostles!
From President Monson-
“Now, I have thought a lot lately about you young men who are of an age to marry but who have not yet felt to do so. I see lovely young ladies who desire to be married and to raise families, and yet their opportunities are limited because so many young men are postponing marriage.”
From President Lee- (as quoted)
We are not doing our duty as holders of the priesthood when we go beyond the marriageable age and we withhold ourselves from an honorable marriage from these lovely women.
President Gordon B. Hinckley- (as quoted)
My heart reaches out to our single sisters who long for marriage but cannot seem to find it. I have far less sympathy for the young men who under the customs of our society have the prerogative to take the initiative in these matters, but in so many cases fail to do so.
Elder Richard G. Scott-
Don’t waste time with idle pursuits! Get on with life and focus on getting married! Don’t just coast through this period of life… Make your highest priority finding a worthy companion!
Elder Dallin H. Oaks-
Your desires dictate your priorities.
Really what more can I add to that? Could things be more plain spoken and direct? But naturally, I have plenty left to say.
Our Poor Single Sisters (said tongue-in-cheek)
While the men did get the brunt of the counsel, and for the most part the single sisters got a little pat on the head and some “we’re so sorry, and love you anyway,” there is still more the women can do to encourage marriages. I believe the advice that was given to the men also applies to the women. There was never a point where anyone said, “Sisters, you should just sit there and eat bon bons and wait for your future general authority to propose.” One of my favorite quotes (source unknown) is, “When President Thomas Monson got married, he was just Tommy.” Women, you are supposed to be looking for a good man. Not a perfect man. (I’ve also heard this quote attributed to Pres. Hinckley and Pres. Kimball!) Have you ever noticed that when General Authorities do speak of their wives there are some consistent themes? Their wives serve and love to serve! And they are strong women, not pushovers. And can you imagine any of them whining that she doesn’t get enough attention or a bigger clothes shopping allowance? If you want a great man, you have to be a great woman! So go be one!
Get on with Life and Get Married!
Elder Richard G. Scott did not mince words when he said, “Don’t waste your time with idle pursuits! Get on with life and focus on getting married! Don’t just coast through this period of life… Then make your highest priority finding a worthy companion. When you find you are developing an interest in a young woman, show her, that you are an exceptional person that she would find interesting to know better. If you want to have a wonderful wife, you need to have her see you as a wonderful man and prospective husband.” Thank you Elder Scott for spelling it out that simply!! And again, women, I think this applies to everyone, not just to the men.
Honestly people, can it be spelled out any clearer?? Are you waiting on “your road to Damascus” for the big traumatic moment that says “THIS IS THE ONE! GET MARRIED NOW!?” (May I add, that maybe this weekend was that moment? What more do you need??)
More from the Prophet
“I realize there are many reasons why you may be hesitating to take that step of getting married. If you are concerned about providing financially for a wife and family, may I assure you that there is no shame in a couple having to scrimp and save. It is generally during these challenging times that you will grow closer together as you learn to sacrifice and to make difficult decisions. Perhaps you are afraid of making the wrong choice. To this I say that you need to exercise faith. Find someone with whom you can be compatible. Realize that you will not be able to anticipate every challenge which may arise, but be assured that almost anything can be worked out if you are resourceful and if you are committed to making your marriage work.”
Some may be having a little too much fun taking extravagant vacations, buying expensive cars and toys and enjoying a carefree life with friends, he suggested. “I’ve encountered groups of you running around together, and I admit that I’ve wondered why you aren’t out with fine young ladies.”
Sisters, be the kind of woman that can be that kind of wife- that can scrimp and save, and support her husband through the difficult decisions and sacrifices! Men- don’t be afraid to ask a woman if she can be that kind of woman. Maybe her current lifestyle doesn’t look like it, but her answer just might surprise you. A woman will give up a lot of things in her search for love!
How to Find Your Mate
President Monson said everything far more kindly than I have been saying it lately, but that’s why he’s the prophet and I’m just a girl with a column. Again, straight from the words of the prophet. “Find someone with whom you can be compatible. Realize that you will not be able to anticipate every challenge which may arise, but be assured that almost anything can be worked out if you are resourceful and if you are committed to making your marriage work.”
According to Erin
Now it is time for a little of the gospel according to Erin (after all, it is my column). We’ve all heard it said a few thousand times before that you marry your best friend. Look around you, is there a member of the opposite sex that you really enjoy talking to, but maybe there’s just no real spark there- yet? Is the person you are dating someone you can see yourself always committed to and willing to make things work out with? Or do you have a special friend that you go to for advice and counsel every time your significant other confuses or hurts you?
May I ever so boldly offer the advice that maybe you are dating the wrong person? If it all came down tomorrow that you had to pick just one person to spend the rest of your life with, who would you rather it be? The person who causes confusion and hurt? Or the one that “gets you,” and you can always talk freely to? Would you pick the person who is more attractive to look at? Or the one you know you can always talk to? The rest of mortality, let alone eternity is a very long time. How do you want to spend it? Alone? With your best friend? Or looking at a pretty face? They don’t write love songs about how glad they were they went with the pretty face and not their best friend.
There’s a reason for that!
And if you are currently dating someone because it is convenient and nice, but you have no future intentions with, do everyone a favor- break up now! You are holding both of you back from meeting the loves of your lives, plus stopping the progression of someone you don’t even know yet who is waiting to meet you. Take a good look at your significant other and ask yourself if this is worth it. And then make the right decision.
To Be and to Do
Elder Lynn Robbins counseled us to consider who we want to be, and not just what we want to do. Consider your what you want “to be” list, and ask yourself if you are there now. I fear many people will look at their list and say, “I can’t get married until I am all of these things.” Instead of running away from your list, stop and ask yourself if your best friend (future companion) will be there to help you be those things.
One Last Thought
It was said in other talks (not the ones focusing on marriage) that we as Latter-day Saints should focus on service. President Dieter Uchtdorf said, “Often the answer does not come while we are on our knees, but while we are on our feet serving others.” I won’t tell you how to apply this in your own lives, but I will strongly hint that I do firmly believe it applies to dating and relationships. And to all the singles wards, activities committees, and conferences out there, don’t forget what President Uchtdorf said either.
And for those of you who heard all of this counsel, but felt your heart breaking because you feel like you are chosen last for the team, and that nobody wants to date you let alone marry you, remember when Elder Paul V. Johnson said, “Growth cannot come by taking the easy way. Time after time we see great blessings on the heels of great trials.”
And one last promise from Elder Scott, “You will receive every promised blessing of which you were worthy.”
Go be worthy. Go pray. Go choose your priorities. Go make your “to be” list. Go find someone. Go get married!
Erin Ann McBride is a writer, dreamer, blogger, and social media addict. Equal parts Mary Poppins, Carrie Bradshaw, and Mother Theresa, she goes where the wind blows, writes about relationships and dating, and is devoted to serving others. You can get more of her at the Story of a Nice Mormon Girl and on Twitter as @erinannie. She says that if you aren’t friends with Meridian Magazine on Facebook, you are missing out.