At what age do we become hypocrites? When is someone finally so old and single that we start justifying dating outside of the Church? Or getting married outside of the temple is suddenly okay (because you figure you are so old and desperate that it is just better to get married to anyone rather than stay single forever)?
I work with the young women in my ward where I am presented with the interesting situation of not only teaching about values and dating, but applying them in my own life. We encourage the girls not to date outside of the church, and find ourselves cheering them on when they make good choices. I was recently encouraged to consider dating non-members, and the first thing that went through my mind was, “how will I justify it to the young women?” Why is it okay for me to do it but not okay for them? Or am I just a hypocrite?
How single and old (and therefore supposedly desperate) does someone have to be before we start encouraging them to abandon one of the first things they are ever taught? I believe it was even mentioned in the blessing I was first given as an infant that I would grow up to marry a priesthood-bearing man in the temple. In nursery class we colored in pictures of happy families at the temple. In every young women’s class on dating it is taught that a celestial marriage is the right marriage. We encourage the young women in the student and singles wards that only a priesthood holder will do.
But apparently once you have reached a single status in your thirties, and everyone else has given up hope for you, it is okay to look in other directions. Because, well, you know, you may never get married otherwise. Heaven forbid you keep holding out for that one thing you’ve been looking for your whole life, or staying true to that which you believe in!
Which is more important? Getting married? Or keeping your covenants? It is up to you!
I will be the first to admit that the pickings get slimmer and slimmer the higher over thirty years old that you get- especially if you want to find someone without a great deal of emotional baggage and is active in the Church. The temptation to date outside of the Church is pretty big. And who doesn’t just want to enjoy the company of a nice person for a night or two? But that doesn’t justify doing the wrong thing just because it means you get what you want!
Yes, I know that someone is reading this and coming up with a great “flirt to convert” story. And sure, they happen. But the truth is, they are the exception to the rule, and not the standard. It isn’t the recommended path, but every deviation has its pros and cons.
Good things come to those who wait. Great things come to those who stay true to what they have been taught and keep the commandments. You have your choice- you can be the story you have to justify later on, “Well, it was different for me because…” Or you can be the story you always wanted to be. The choice is up to you!
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