Family Reunion Fun!

Family Reunion Fun!
by Claudia Goodman

I’ll never forget the first Dayton Family Reunion we held a few years after I was married. Since most of my seven brothers and sisters loved boating and water skiing, we all gathered at Lake Powell for a week of family fun. We had fond memories of many enjoyable vacations in that beautiful place. However, we soon discovered that there were some unanticipated hitches. For one thing, several of us were now married. A few of our spouses had never water skied before, while some of my brothers and sisters were so advanced that they were building pyramids on slalom skis.

One of the biggest challenges was the large number of small children we now had. There was only room for a few people at a time on the boat. It was a nightmare trying to keep crawling babies out of the water and off the hot sand, as we shook scorpions from the shoes and tried in vain to keep our babies out of the blistering sun. The days dragged on, and by the fourth day I didn’t know how I was going to get through the week. By the time the reunion was over, I was totally exhausted. It was not fun.

That experience could have left most of our family convinced that they would never attend another family reunion. But thanks to the humility, insight, and pure love of my parents, our reunions blossomed from that rocky beginning. They called each of us individually and listened carefully to our input. Then they modified a few things to help our reunions succeed. Now some thirty years later, we have had ongoing family reunions that we all have loved and still look forward to eagerly.

Following is a list of general guidelines that have helped our family have successful reunions. This list is not exhaustive by any means. Undoubtedly you will want to modify some of these suggestions in order to fit your family’s needs. Simply use these ideas as a springboard to create your own exciting family reunions.

#1: Respect Times and Seasons
The biggest problem with our first Lake Powell reunion was that we hadn’t realized that we were in a different season of our lives. We had loved spending a week water skiing when all of us were teenagers, but such a trip just isn’t practical for tiny children. It doesn’t accommodate their needs. It is important to take into consideration who will be attending the reunion. Do you have many small children and babies? Are any of the mothers pregnant? Will there be many older people? Handicapped? Teenagers? Etc. Activities need to be planned accordingly.

One thing we learned is that everyone needs a certain amount of personal space–and some people need more than others (including me). I find that I can go along with someone else’s schedule just fine for about three days, but after that I need some time to myself to regroup. Some people who are very easy-going can go with the flow a little longer, but you are sure to end up with a few people in every family who really can’t enjoy being with a large crowd for more than three days without getting up-tight. In-laws are especially susceptible, because after all, they didn’t grow up in this family. We found that in a family reunion consisting of parents, children, and grandchildren where more than two families are present, three days is the absolute maximum for the reunion. After that, certain individuals–especially those with small children–are going to start getting antsy. It’s better to quit while people are still eager for more than after they have had too much. For extended family reunions where many people don’t know each other, one day is plenty long.

We also found that it was much more reasonable to hold family reunions every other year. After all, each married child not only has his own family reunion to attend, but hopefully also his spouse’s. In addition, it is important for each family to have their own family vacation time as well. As our married children spread out, cost and distance also became factors. We have held our reunions every other year for decades now, and it works great.

#2: Remember Pacing
“Variety is the spice of life.” Above all, a reunion should be fun! If no one has a good time, they won’t be returning. Through trial and error we discovered the importance of including structured time balanced with free time. We found that if we merely had lots of fun things to do, such as swimming, hiking, games, etc., that after a few hours people got tired of them. It was more of the same every day. On the other hand, if there were structured activities planned every minute, there was no time to relax and talk or finish a project. Having a group activity scheduled for morning, afternoon, and evening, with plenty of free time left over to pursue other options is usually a good combination. It also helps if there are things available to do. A swimming pool, river, or lake with water activities is especially attractive to most people.

For example, we held one family reunion at a lake resort. One morning we played water baseball. In the afternoon we visited a nearby historical site. That evening we held family Olympics. In between, people went boating on the lake, swimming, played volleyball on the lawn, and board games inside the lodge. Everyone was happy because they didn’t have to spend the entire time trying to figure out what to do; yet they had the freedom to make some choices on their own.

#3: Include Activities that Build
A family reunion should be more than just a fun vacation. If one family gets together with another, they can casually plan out one day at a time and do whatever they feel like, but at a reunion you are dealing with several different families, each with its own distinct personality. The purpose is to help people who may not get to see each other very often develop meaningful relationships. Activities should be planned accordingly. Watching a show or going shopping may not deepen friendships nearly as effectively as playing interactive games or participating in family programs.

We also try to include at least one activity that centers on our ancestors, so that the younger generation can get to know them. Sometimes those in charge dress up like the great-great-great grandparents and tell their story in first person. On one reunion we took a driving tour of Magna and Salt Lake City, Utah where my parents grew up and met each other. They recorded experiences that happened to them at different locations. We all loaded in cars and drove around to see where the different events took place as we listened to them on tape. Another time all the adults went to the temple together and did the work for some relatives that one of our sisters had researched. It was really a bonding experience. The sky is the limit on creative presentations. The important thing is to “remember our fathers,” as the Book of Mormon so often reminds us, and make them live in the hearts of our children.

Family reunions are also an ideal time to strengthen testimonies. It’s so important to remember the pacing and not try to make the whole reunion spiritual. It gets too heavy that way–like ten desserts one on top of the other. Most of the reunion needs to be fun. Then a spiritual activity one afternoon or evening can be powerful. I’ll never forget one evening when my husband’s parents who had just returned as mission presidents bore their testimonies. As Steve’s mom looked the young girls in the eye and testified to them the power of sister missionaries, she had an impact on our daughters that cannot be measured.

At another reunion we related experiences too sacred to be shared outside a family setting involving experiences with loved ones beyond the veil. I hadn’t realized there were so many just within our own family. The meeting was supposed to be about forty-five minutes but stretched to over two hours. No one wanted to leave. I was worried that the teenagers and younger children would be restless, but they sat spellbound. After the meeting I assumed that the teenagers would want to do something fun and active. But when I tried to locate them later, I found them all in one room, huddled around the TV watching the video of our three young children’s funeral. They were hungry for more.

While we need to make most of the reunion fun, we are throwing away a golden opportunity if we do not capitalize on this chance to share with our closest friends our roots and our testimonies.

#4: Rejoice in the Differences
It is so easy at a family reunion to start focusing on the differences. Children in the same family go such unique directions after they are married. We must make sure that these differences do not divide us but unite us. One thing my parents did was assign a different family to be in charge of each reunion. We have held reunions in the mountains of Utah, a beach in California, the beautiful forests of Washington, and a lake in upstate New York, to mention just a few. Each reunion reflects the wonderful ideas of the family who plans it and makes us feel closer to them. Of course many activities are delegated out, which makes everyone feel a part of things. But each family has so many unique ideas. I feel that we have truly feasted on the best from each family. If the same person does it every time, we can really get in a rut, because no one has all the great ideas.

We have found at reunions that it is important to keep emphasizing how much our differences round out our family as each of us brings different talents to add to the strength of our entire family. We must teach our children to rejoice in those differences so that we are not threatened by them.

#5: Make the Sacrifice
I think Satan knows we are doing something very important when we attempt to hold a family reunion, and he pulls out all the stops. I don’t ever remember a family reunion that was easy to get to. Even if it was nearby, it seemed that things always came up to make it very hard to attend.

About eighteen years ago my husband Steve and I were in Washington D.C. visiting with my sister’s family. They were in charge of the family reunion that year and asked us if we were planning to come. We explained to them how much we would love to come, but that we had some very important things scheduled during that time (I haven’t the slightest idea what they were now) that would make it impossible for us to be there.

Two weeks later a big package came in the mail. It was a carry-on suitcase from my sister with a note that said, “See you at the Reunion!” We were smitten in our hearts, and as we thought and prayed about it, we knew we had to go. We didn’t know how we could rearrange our schedule, but we were determined, and somehow we made it. At that time we learned that family reunions–or any other family event, for that matter–almost always require great personal sacrifice. Is it worth all the effort? Let me answer with an experience.

#6: Reap the Rewards
Two family reunions ago my youngest sister Mary’s family were living back East and had a brand new baby. They planned a trip to Utah to attend both of their family reunions–they had missed them when they lived in Germany for four years. They told everyone when it would be most convenient for them, but unfortunately, the Dayton family reunion couldn’t be held until the week after they were to return home. At first Steve and Mary didn’t think they could stay an extra week. It seemed impossible, but after much deliberation and prayer, they determined to make the sacrifice and come to the reunion.

We sent our two youngest girls, LeAnne and Aimee, out to the reunion early with Grandma and Grandpa, so they could spend time with their cousins Erin and Amber in California. Steve and Mary’s family drove out with us from Utah in a motor home. In both cases, cousins spent hours and hours together, one on one. Little did they know that they were playing with David, Peter, and LeAnne for the last time in this life. Four months later they died in a car crash. In the eternal scheme of things, some experiences are timeless–and priceless.

Amber got baptized about a year later. She was petrified of water, but as she left the font, she told her mother that LeAnne had been there with her. If they hadn’t spent that time together at the reunion, would that experience have happened?

At crucial times–when my younger brother and sister died, when children leave on missions, when someone is critically ill, when we had our accident–the very first place you turn is to the family members you are close to. There’s no time then to develop relationships. You have what you have taken the time to nurture. There are some things that make attendance at a family reunion impossible, but we have learned over the years that genuine sacrifice always plays an integral part. And maybe there’s purpose in it. We come to love most those things we pay the highest price for.

Our last family reunion was held again at Lake Powell. Thirty years later our reunions had come full circle. This time the reunion went much more smoothly. There were not so many little children, for one thing. But more importantly, we had learned a few things. Probably the most important is that family reunions are seldom perfect. But part of the challenge is overlooking the weaknesses and focusing on the strengths. By so doing and by using the steps outlined above, we can build deep bonds of love that will take us through all the storms of life hand in hand with our family.