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Merry Christmas, dear readers! May your stocking be full and your Amazon.com wish lists be empty by tomorrow morning! Since this column is coming out at year’s end and I’m sure you’ve got a million things going on in your life right now besides reading, I’m going to change focus a bit this month. There will be three brief book recommendations at the end, but primarily we’re going to explore the idea of setting up your own book club- or maybe making the one you’re in even better.

Starting a Group

I started the book club at my old ward in the spring of 2006. We moved into a new ward and stake in May 2005, and in a way, I was following my best friend who had relocated to the same community (all of two miles away) the year before.

For the first eight months in my new ward, I made few friends. Some circumstances in my life make it harder to meet new people after a move.

Nevertheless, I was fairly contented because my “BFF” was there; I had little motivation to branch out. That was until the ladder got knocked out from under me while I was painting at a client’s house one day. I got a call; my friend was moving from Texas to California in approximately 30 days. I was devastated, and after that, I was lonely. Very, very lonely.

Fortunately, I had an A+ team of visiting teachers- the RS president and the RS secretary, a much younger, taller, spunky red head I came to regard as the fun, goofy younger sister I never had. They were just awesome. After a few months of moping and crying, I pitched the idea of a book club to them. I had done some research on different groups and a book club seemed like a great opportunity to branch out, get to know some people and share a love of reading with other women.

The RS president ran my idea past the bishop, who gave his approval with one caveat: it was not to be formally attached to Relief Society. Sanctioned, but separate. It worked though, and the “Unofficial-Not-In-Any-Way- Affiliated-With-the-Church” Book Club of the Keller Ist Ward, Colleyville stake was born.

I have found that some wards, like my current one in the Nashville area, have their book clubs as official Enrichment groups. Some sisters form neighborhood groups, groups in their ward, groups in their kids’ pre-schools or schools, groups on the internet, too. Form your group with whomever you can. Whatever works for you. All you need is a pool of warm bodies with similar interests, right?

Getting Organized

As with all groups, somebody has to be in charge. Is it you? Is it two? You need to decide who is going to be responsible for communicating (one word: email) with group members. Who is going to arrange for hostesses? Food? Facilitate discussions? Select the books? Delegate?

In my old group, I started by sending around a sheet in RS and the other auxiliaries, collecting the names and emails of interested sisters, picking a day and time for the first meeting, then emailing out the information. The rest, as they say, is history. For the better part of two-and-a-half years, I did most of the organizing, others executed. There was never a problem with getting hosts or having no shows. We had a great, dedicated core of sisters and newbies were welcomed in easily… absolutely no “cliquing,” at least not on purpose. Our group ranged from five attendees some days, up to fifteen or twenty at other times. In my absence, two remarkable ladies stepped in to split up the organizational responsibilities. Organize your group simply, so that as people come and go it can continue easily year after year.

Who’s Gonna Host?

You? Sue? Caribou? “Where are we meeting this month?” We always rotated book club meeting places. At the beginning of the year, sisters signed up to host for specific months. However, if there was a month later in the year for which no one dibbed, I would either ask 30 days ahead for some one to pitch in or I hosted myself, same thing goes if a hostess had to cancel at the last minute. No big deal, just adjust. Besides meeting at homes, meeting at a QUIET local restaurant is a nice change some months. IHOP is almost perfect, if you have one near by.

Who’s Gonna Referee, I mean Moderate?

Like being in charge of organizing and communicating, somebody’s got to run the show at the meetings. It can always be the organizer or you may want to ask the hostess or another sister, perhaps the one that selected that month’s book, to act as Moderator. So many books now have Reading Group Guides included in them that moderating need not cause a lot of stress. Alas, there are still many books without such helpers and in that case, moderators need to be able to create their own questions and keep the discussions going.

The refereeing noted above is, on some days, no joke. Groups can get rowdy. Sisters get keyed up around the holidays. Conversations get started that seem not to end. Some books cause a fervor that others do not. Moderators need to be able to work the group, too. It’s not just about asking questions; its also about crowd control. The more your group grows, the more this is an issue. It helps if you have a sparkling personality and large voice! Group dynamics vary. We got to the point where we would start our book discussion about an hour after the meeting began (more or less), giving sisters a chance to visit and snack ahead of time. Sometimes that works to your benefit, sometimes it doesn’t. There are those days!

Note to attendees : Help out your moderator! Stay with the discussion. Starting your own side conversations is really, really frustrating (and rude)- especially if your group leader doesn’t have a “take charge” persona. Don’t make her struggle to be heard. As I tell my kids, “Help, don’t hinder.”

For help with discussions try: Book Club Resources

Picking Your Books

So what are you going to read in this club of yours? Mysteries? LDS authors? Self-help? Sci-fi? Classics? Modern literature? Fiction? Non-fiction? Thrillers? All of the above? I certainly hope so! What parameters are you going to suggest? How are you going to select?

In Texas, we had a once a year planning party. Everyone came with recommendations that the group voted on, and in turn, we hammered out the schedule for the year. Last year, we chose a theme for each month, then placed our choices accordingly. I loved that format. Everyone knows well ahead of time what’s going to be read and can get the books early, reading at their leisure throughout the year.

My current group selects books monthly, with the hostess choosing that month’s read. You may wish to pick books quarterly or bi-annually. To cut out time in meetings, book choices may be emailed to the organizer, who can then compile a voting ballot to email back to the members, this is just what my friends back home are doing for 2009.

It’s All About Timing

When are you going to meet? The first Tuesday of the month? Fourth Wednesday? Second Friday? Vote on it and the majority wins…I think that it still a valid method of selection in some places! People’s schedules frequently change. Some sisters who may be unable to attend during soccer season, can come during baseball season, et cetera. You are never going to be able to accommodate everyone’s needs. Do your best.

Oh! What time are you going to meet? 10 a.m. or 8 p.m.? My current group meets at 7 p.m.; my old one met at 8 p.m. The idea was that post-dinner, practice and home work, but just pre-bed-time was best for the husbands left to wrangle the kids down for the night. Are you going to have an open ended finish time or a set time to shoo every one from the house? It was not unusual for some portion of my Unofficial buddies to chat until midnight. In fact, I think our latest group was 2 a.m. one night. After all, it’s not just about the books, right? But if you’re hosting and have to get kids up for Seminary in the morning, just make it clear you need everyone to say their ‘good nights” before 10 p.m…then, stick to it .

Did Someone Say “Food?”

“Snack n’ Chat.” “Read n’ Feed.” What LDS meet up is complete without food of some sort? Chips and dip, crudites, fruit, desserts? My current group tries to have the refreshments echo the book some how, which was kind of scary when we read The Glass Castle (think: dumpster diving). But I had a blast with The Host, using gummy worms in a Dirt Cake (crushed Oreos and chocolate pudding) and a 12 inch long gummy rattlesnake on a Sand Cake (crushed animal crackers and vanilla pudding). Ick!

Refreshments can be left to the hostess or done in pot luck form, as simple or as elaborate as you want. The decision on these needs to be a part of your first organizational meeting- just to set the expectations, but in the end, refreshments fall into the “nice, not necessary” category…don’t you think? Group size and the economy of your members needs to be considered, too.

Don’t Forget to Have Fun!

Above all else, book club should be about fun and enjoying one another- growing in sisterhood. The first year I did book club, we alternated a book month with a game, movie, dinner or social night month. Some group members were avid readers, others had never touched a book that wasn’t required for some class in high school or college and needed to be eased into the idea of leisure reading. Some sisters really wanted to talk about books, some just wanted to talk. Eventually, we evolved. We did get to where we talked about the books almost as much as we talked to each other. A nice balance was being achieved in my last year. Also, I think we were selecting better books- some just lend themselves to better discussions. Others are just fluff; not a lot to talk about or dissect. I think it’s okay to have one or two of those a year- enjoy the full menu of book genres available to us, there are so many from which to chose. Not every book has to have the gravity of Reading Lolita in Tehran or War and Peace !

Observations on a Book Club and Its Constituents by a Former Group Facilitator or “What I Learned at Book Club”

Remember, I started a book club because I was terribly, pathetically lonely, as well as a little literary minded. I had low expectations of actually making real friends that would be in my life beyond the first Tuesday of every month and every other Sunday. I just hoped the contact with other sisters would ease my sadness a bit. However, by the time I left Texas this past June, I had more true, dear friends than I have ever had in my life. They know this and I tear up every time I think about who and what I left behind in that book club. But I rejoice that I got to the point in my life that I had the opportunity and the openness of heart to have so many wonderful and varied friends, not just casual acquaintances.

Book club provided a link to other women that allowed me to see so many more shades of my LDS sisters than Enrichment ever did (no knock on Enrichment. I loved it, when I could go). Our conversations, both about and apart from the books we discussed, gave me both quality and quantity time to get to know sisters and for them to know me. It enabled us to see that our families are not so different. There are very few, if any perfect LDS families, and many suffer under the mistaken belief that every family but theirs is ideal. We learned that our childhoods were sometime less messed up, but some times much more so than others; that our relationships, both good and bad are not alone in their struggles; that our children are just as goofy and our reactions to them just as text-book stupid sometimes.

Through our interactions and discussions that went on for hours that one Tuesday a month, we really came to appreciate and understand one another. We became friends for life and I hope each of you may find as much fulfillment in your own book groups as I did in mine.

P.S. My BFF is still out in California. Some how our friendship grew stronger with the distance. I cherish her more now than I did when we were only a mile apart, but in addition to her, I have about 10 or 15 IACFs (Incredibly Awesome Close Friends). And it’s all because of the “Unofficial-Not-In-Any-Way- Affiliated-With-the-Church” Book Club of the Keller Ist Ward. Thank you, Cindy!

Some Books for the Season

Darn that Glenn! I was going to indulge my rather twisted sense of humor this month and do the whole column about books centering on crummy families, like The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood for example; just a little Christmas jo ke from those of us who had less than happy childhoods. But alas, I read The Christmas Sweater in mid-November, and quickly decided my joke wasn’t that funny anymore. I’ll just have to save that theme for February.

The Christmas Sweater is the story of Eddie, a twelve-year old who had a pretty good life until his father passed away, leaving his mom to act as the family bread winner and caregiver. The subsequent decline in their income left little money for extravagant Christmas gifts the year following his dad’s passing, but all Eddie cared about was his changed life, and a really cool bike with a banana seat. Instead, Eddie got all his mom could afford: a lovingly crafted, hand-made sweater. Like an average kid, he showed his immaturity by balling it up and throwing it on the floor of his bedroom, an act that hurt his mother to deeply.

After their personal Christmas celebration, he and his mother travel to see his grandparents, where Eddie’s attitude continues to put a damper on the day’s festivities. Tragically, on the way home, they are in an auto accident which leaves Eddie in his grandparent’s care. Eddie’s anger surges as he retreats into his own world, turning away all efforts to help him deal with his pain.

Introducing a character reminiscent of the hobo ghost from The Polar Express , Beck gives Eddie, Russell, a sage and sympathetic farmer with whom to vent his frustrations. Additionally, a friend with struggles of his own and a few kindly family members assist him in his journey through healing and forgiveness.

While The Christmas Sweater is never going to be lauded as great literature and the writing does have some real weaknesses, Brother Beck creates a sweet story that brings to mind the warmth of Franks Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life . Overall, it is a quick, satisfying read that reminds us of the redemptive power and love of the Savior in this season of hope and joy.

Utilizing the writing style of a seasoned author, Brother Evans weaves a tale of love and heartbreak, which culminates at Chri stmas time. Taking such sensitive topics as child abuse, rape and family secrets, then infusing them with a heady dose of friendship, understanding and service, Evans tells of an unlikely trio of souls: a fourteen year old high school freshman, his ten year old bother and a fifteen year old run away seeking peace from the turbulence and destruction of her home.

I enjoyed how he captured the relationship between the two brothers, as well as the essence of being a teenager. His hero extends himself beyond the expectations of his culture and community to reach out to a girl in need. He is open and caring in a way that many adults would not have been, both then and now. Grace is a tender story appropriate for both parents and teens.

This book is based on a song by the same name, a song with which I was unfamiliar. With that information alone, I wasn’t expecting much. However, the storytelling craft of Ms. Van Liere is very good and we are treated to three intertwined stories revolving around the hope of Christmas salvation.

The first story is told in first person by Robert, a self-centered attorney with a soaring career, but a declining marriage. The second story, told in third person, is about Doris, an elementary school teacher nearing retirement who makes a decision to go the extra mile in assisting one her students cope with a difficult time in his family. The final story is about Jack and Maggie. Just after giving birth to their daughter, Maggie is diagnosed with terminal ovarian cancer. In their story, we get to know both husband and wife, as well as grandmother and grandchildren.

Wrapping all of these stories together and ending them on Christmas Day, the author creates a story worth reading year after year, as we remember to focus on the true meaning of the Christmas season.

I’d love to know what books you’re reading and whether or not you’ve enjoyed my recommendations. Please, add me to your friends’ list at GoodReads.com.