Singles

Happy Valentine’s Day! Or maybe it is Singles Awareness Day, depending on your attitude this year. I admit, that in my world, sometimes Valentine’s Day is nothing but a huge headache. You either get your hopes up, your hopes dashed, or you know better than to have had any hopes at all! And all of this to commemorate the death of a martyred, imprisoned Roman saint that nobody is confident was a really good guy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a holiday that’s sole purpose is to encourage chocolate and flower sales.

Today I offer a little something for everyone. Depending on your Valentine’s tolerance level, I offer you the following –

If you are looking for something sweet and romantic to read, I suggest “Love Stories from Meridian Readers.”

If you need to commiserate over Singles Awareness Day, click here.

If you want a little humor, and a little bit of love, try Fairy Tales, Princesses, Marriage, and Me.

But if you are looking to improve your dating prospects, meet someone interesting, and maybe just get a date and eventually a spouse, here are some tips and suggestions, (and a strong warning),from Bishop Lewis Larsen, of the Potomac Singles Adult Ward in Arlington, Virginia.

1. Don’t sit with your best friend at church every Sunday; sit with someone new- hopefully someone of the opposite sex.

2. Be proactive. Don’t limit yourself to your singles ward members.

3. Reach back to past relationships and see if something can be rekindled.

4. Go online at put yourself out there a bit- of course, watch out for the nut jobs.

5. Go to Institute. We have had several marriages that got their start at the Potomac Ward Institute. Don’t run out after the lesson. Stay around and talk with people. We have a social gather following each Institute class -use the gathering to your benefit.

6. Attend singles conferences. The Potomac Ward has one coming up this Fall, and we have people attend from all over the United States.

7. Go ahead and go to Duck Beach, but with a purpose in mind. Again, consider my warning about meeting totally new strangers–trust but verify. (see the warning below)

8. Who is single from your mission? Contact them.

9. Who is single from your home ward? Contact them.

10. Who is single from your BYU or other college ward? Contact them.

11. Who does your best friend know, have them make an introduction for you.

12. Attend ward potlucks and dinners. Now this may surprise some people, but we are not holding a potluck just to feed you. You can do that at Wendy’s. Use the potlucks to sit with someone new. Hang around and talk. Use the potlucks to your advantage.

13. What non-member friends do you know that you could bring to church? We have all kinds of examples of people inviting their non-member friend to come to church which turns to dating, which turns to marriage, which turns to a wonderful life.

14. If you’re spending endless hours at your job while your social life is suffering, then consider your job to be your spouse. Keep everything in its proper perspective.

15. Women of the Potomac Ward (and other wards too) – you are authorized to ask any man out on a date. That may not be the normal way we do this in the LDS culture, but we have to think differently if we are going to find success. I am not talking about chasing men, I’m saying if you find someone interesting, just be proactive and let him know you are interested.

16. You may need to change where you are living if you can, particularly if you have become too comfortable in your apartment and with your roommates to the point that there is no need for dating. Maybe it is time to break away from cheap rent and get your own place where you can host your own friends and finally acknowledge that that Washington, D.C. is where your career is and it is time to put down some roots. Once you get your own place, you will be ready to invite someone to move in permanently -if you know what I mean.

17. Think out of the box and be creative!

I (Erin) love this list. I can personally vouch for several of his suggestions. In the past year I have done about nine of these suggestions, and to very positive results. Dating is not a reactive or passive sport. It is a very pro-active, strategy driven experience, (especially after the age of thirty). If you are not making an effort, don’t be surprised when you don’t get results.

A Warning from a Singles Ward Bishop

Use good common sense when meeting someone completely new to you.  One would wish that simply being an LDS member would be enough to speak about one’s character, but unfortunately, some people are real characters.  So consider the following because these are some issues we have faced within our ward:

            a) If you meet someone completely new and say outside of our ward boundaries and maybe outside of our state, and that person seems absolutely perfect, they have a great job, they are good looking, they seem active, they are a returned missionary–that sounds exciting, except you need to do some due diligence. You need to ask them questions, meet their family, meet their best friends, and meet people from their current ward.  If they check out-terrific and move forward.  (I love that old statement of President Reagan, “Trust, but verify.”)

            b) If your new friend who you have only recently met, and you have no previous interactions with, happens to be divorced, that’s fine–everyone needs a new chance. But remember, it takes two to tangle.  Rarely listening to one side of the story gives you the full picture.  When something sounds too good to be true, or it sounds a little off, follow your judgment and check the situation out before you get too committed to a relationship.  Be kind and never discriminate against those who are divorced, but let’s also use good common sense. When something doesn’t add up, it doesn’t add up.

            c) If you go on a date, and someone pushes the law of chastity envelope, you need to ask yourself, how will doing this get me to the temple?  Just because it seems like everyone in the outside world is doing it, it doesn’t mean we should.  Let me assure you that swapping one’s virtue for a “guaranteed relationship” doesn’t work.  I am certainly not blinded by the sexual desires each of you have, and I realize that maybe sometimes when you are on a date, things can get a little “frisky.”  But that is not what I am talking about.  I am talking about stuff like removing one’s garments because you know you are seeking sexual gratification, or touching another person body with the purpose of sexual stimulation.

(Bishop Larsen continued) Can I take one minute to address dating non-members at this point?  We all know that most non-members have lived by a different standard.  In most cases, they have been sexually active in past relationships.  Can I suggest that when you first start dating a non-member, lay out the rules on the first date.  I think you will find they will respect you for that, and if they don’t-well, you just saved yourself some time and grief.  If you wait until you are into the relationship several weeks, your friend is going to feel that you are rejecting them, or that they might have done something wrong, etc.  Just be up front with them on day one and I think you will find things will go better.

Bishop Larsen’s advice holds true no matter what age you are and how long you have been dating. You might think that after 20 or 30 years of dating, it would get easier, more obvious, and less complicated. This is far from the truth. Keeping to what we know and believe in- particularly our covenants- does make it easier.

Good luck to everyone hoping to be hit with Cupid’s arrow today. Except why anyone would find a diapered toddler with a weapon a good thing, is beyond me. Much chocolate and happy dating to you all!

Erin Ann McBride is the author of “,” and “,” both available on and Barnes and Noble. She has recently launched a new website to help self-published and commercially published LDS authors reach their audiences directly. Check out www.mormonbooksandauthors.com to find the latest books from your favorite writers!