The following is excerpted from the Deseret News. To read the full article, CLICK HERE.
While the Christmas season comes with joy, traditions and togetherness, some face challenges in the form of grief.
Someone may have lost a loved one, or might be going through a hard time, or has been diagnosed with depression or another illness.
The Caring social media accounts from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints recently posted five things not to tell someone who is grieving, and five helpful phrases to use instead.
Five things NOT to say to someone who is grieving
1. “I know exactly how you feel.”
Even if a person has been through something very similar, it is always better to ask questions and listen to how the person feels.
2. “Just have faith; everything will work out.”
Of course people should have faith, said the post, but that doesn’t change whether something is painful or not. It’s important to be present with the person.
3. “At least you…”
Starting sentences with “at least” minimizes what the person has been through.
4. God has a plan.
This can sound like trying to find a quick solution to the problem instead of really listening and loving.
5. They are in a better place.
Saying this doesn’t make the person miss his or her loved one any less.
Five helpful phrases to say to someone who is grieving
To read the full article, CLICK HERE.
MaryannDecember 20, 2023
In the midst of painful grieving, none of us want to hear trite phrases, no matter how well meant they are. We need to be aware that we cannot "fix," or try to change what someone is feeling at the death of a loved one. We can keep our loving comments brief and to the point. No one wants a lecture at this time. Sometimes a hug and just being present, sitting with the person, will help them to express their feelings without us asking a lot of questions. When we lost our daughter five hours after birth, a member of the church responded by saying enthusiastically, "Isn't that just WONDERFUL! You will have her in the next life, and be able to raise her." His tone of voice was ridiculously congratulatory, as if we should have a big party. It was very insensitive and offensive.
Carol NorthcottDecember 20, 2023
One of my favorite quotes about grief describes the experience the way I feel it: “GRIEF IS A POWERFUL RIVER in flood. It cannot be argued or reasoned or wrestled down to an insignificant trickle. You must let it take you where it is going. When it pulls you under, all you can do is keep your eyes open for rocks and fallen trees, try not to panic, and stay face up so you will know where the sky is. You will need that information later. Eventually, its waters calm and you will be on a shore far from where you began, raw and sore, but clean and as close to whole as you will ever be again.” From: The Enchanted Life of Adam Hope: A Novel by Rhonda Riley