Most of us spend our single lives searching for a companion. The entertainment industry and modern “rom-com” culture tell us to look for the “spark”—that light, airy, almost effortless feeling of attraction that captivates us as we feel the excitement of a new relationship and the endless possibilities it seems to present. The architects of the modern dating market teach us to avoid anything that feels “heavy” or “laborious.” But as I have sat with the scriptures and reflected on my own journey that brought me together with Cathy, I have come to understand at a much deeper level that our understanding of love may be upside down. In the kingdom of God, anything of true value has substance. Anything eternal has weight.
To find a King, you must first develop the strength to stand beside a throne. To find a Queen, you must be prepared for the gravity of her glory.
Searching for the Queen, Not the Court Jester
When I entered the dating world for the last time as a mid-single, I spent a great deal of time in prayer, asking myself what was truly the most important thing to look for and what I was missing before. For a long time, I had been searching for a “companion”—someone to fill the silence, share a meal with, and to make the life’s journey feel a little less lonely.
But one day, my perspective shifted. I realized my anointing was to prepare me to become a king, I was not simply searching for a companion. I was searching for my Queen. And seeing my search that way changed everything.
Understanding that I was looking for my queen changed the way I looked at the women I met and fundamentally altered the quality of the search itself. When you are looking for a Queen, you stop being distracted by the “Court Jester”—the person who offers fleeting amusement, shallow entertainment, or temporary distraction, but lacks the spiritual substance and strength of character to build a kingdom.
Choosing to meet and marry my Queen meant I had to stop settling for “good enough” and start looking for Kavod—the weight of eternal character. Searching for my queen meant I had to become a king myself, capable of recognizing and honoring her sovereignty.
The Etymology of Glory
In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for “glory” is Kavod. While we often associate glory with brightness or light, the literal root of Kavod is “weight,” “heaviness,” or “substance.” When the ancients spoke of God’s glory, they weren’t just talking about a shining light. They were talking about a “weight of presence” so substantial that it commanded the very atmosphere.
An eternal marriage is not a “light” thing. It is a substantial weight of responsibility, love, and power. If we are searching for royalty, we must understand that the anointing to wear a crown does not happen at the coronation. The anointing to wear a crown operates in the years of preparation leading up to it.
The Weight Borne by the King of Kings
We see the ultimate example of this principle in the life of Jesus Christ. As we read in Moses 1:39: “For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” We often focus on the “Glory” as the end result, but the “Work” was the bearing of an unthinkable weight.
Jesus Christ did not bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man through a simple decree or a magic wand. He did it by literally bearing the weight of the sins and suffering of the human family. In Gethsemane and on the cross, He stood under the crushing gravity of every sin, every sorrow, and every “mote” that has ever blurred a human eye.
His glory is inextricably linked to His capacity to bear the weight of His atonement. He is the King of Kings because He could carry more weight than any other being in existence. If we are to join Him in the work and glory of an eternal marriage, we must grow strong enough to hold the weight of another person’s soul without staggering or crumbling beneath it. The Lord spoke of the glory of eternal marriage as exceeding the glory of the angels, and describes it as a “far more, and an exceeding, and an eternal weight of glory” (Doctrine & Covenants 132:16).
The Mirage of the Spark
Social media influencers and the creators of “swipe-culture” dating apps condition us to prioritize attraction and mystery. While I do not believe attraction is unimportant, it is not enough. A surface-level discharge of energy can be exciting. But it is incapable of powering a home or sustaining a kingdom.
The spark tells us to look for novelty. The Spirit tells us to look for nobility. If we follow the voices of popular psychology telling us to flee from anything that feels “heavy,” we may reflexively pull away from the Kavod we have been praying to find.
The Sanctifying Weight of the Wilderness
Many of us find ourselves in what feels like a spiritual wilderness—a space filled with the often-mundane, repetitive, and grueling work of personal growth. It is the longsuffering of loneliness and the repetitive prayers that seem to go unanswered.
Our own unhealed traumas and past heartbreaks often tell us that this season is a barrier—the thing keeping us from the glory we crave and wondering if a better season will ever come. In reality, this weight is the coronation training. Just as the Savior spent decades in the quiet “grind” of a carpenter’s shop before His ministry, your time in the wilderness is where your spiritual “neck” and “shoulders” are being strengthened to bear the crown.
In the time since Cathy and I were married, I have seen her through severe back problems, serious digestive issues, and the death of her long-time best friend from cancer. She has seen me through five changes in employment, and the death of my 24-year-old son and my mother within a few months of each other. I could go on. But for us, marriage isn’t just frolicking in the meadow. Marriage has involved helping each other through the dark and heavy moments when life seems almost too hard to bear alone. And because we have walked this path together, we love each other more. That is the weight of glory.
You are not merely waiting. You are being “added upon” (Abraham 3:26). Every time you choose to sincerely forgive a former spouse, or take your trauma to the Savior and ask Him to help you bear it instead of passing it on to others, you are expanding your soul’s capacity to bear the weight of glory. This internal work is the quiet anointing that precedes the public crowning.
Crown Training: Lessons from a Smartphone
Before we met, Cathy practiced a ritual I now recognize as a profound act of spiritual weight-bearing. In a previous article, I wrote about the necessity of clearing our visions of bitterness so we can see others clearly. Cathy took this a step further.
After her dates, she would take a “selfie” with the man she had just spent time with. But the photo wasn’t for social media. She would sit down and literally record in her phone a list of the divine qualities she had observed in him. As she described it:
“I made it a point to see the divine in every man I dated. This practice changed my vision. I was no longer looking for a reason to say ‘no.’ I was looking for the reasons God loved him.”
This wasn’t just a dating tip. It was a ministry. By identifying the divine gifts in others, she was becoming a witness to their divine nature. She was training her soul to see the Kavod—the weight of eternal value—in everyone. She was learning how to honor the “king” in every man she met, which prepared her to bear the weight of her true king when our paths finally crossed.
To Hold Infinity in the Palm of Your Hand
William Blake famously wrote:
To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour.
To hold “Infinity” in the palm of your hand is a heavy task. If your hand is weak and lacks support, infinity will crush it. If your soul is shallow, the “weight” of a partner’s eternal destiny will be overwhelming. The mundane work of self-refinement is the process of making your hand strong enough to hold the infinite value of another human soul.
The Covenant Current
When we move past the search for butterflies in your stomach and embrace the sanctifying weight of our preparation, we build the spiritual circuitry necessary to handle a much more powerful energy, which we might call the Covenant Current. If temporary sparks are brief flashes of lightning, the shared quickening is the steady, stalwart power of the Holy Spirit of Promise.
This current doesn’t just happen to you. Rather, it flows through you because you have developed the capacity to conduct it. It is the witness that you are not just looking at a “match,” but a fellow heir to the throne. This quickening doesn’t feel like butterflies in the stomach as much as authority in the heart. Deepening love is the realization that your crown training has been internalized, and you are finally strong enough to bear the weight of a partner who is just as substantial, and just as deeply “anointed,” as you are.
Conclusion: The Anointing for the Crown
If you are currently in the thick of the wilderness, do not mistake the weight you are carrying for a burden to escape. It is the anointing to embrace.
The Savior did not achieve His glory by avoiding the weight, but by descending below it all so He could rise above all things. As you do the “internal thought work” to see clearly, and as you practice the divine observation of seeing others as God sees them, you are being prepared for an exceeding and eternal weight of glory.
The glory is coming. But more importantly, the capacity to hold that glory is being built within you right now. When you finally stand before your king or your queen, you won’t just be happy—you will be ready. You will have the strength to hold his or her heart and crown, with a hand that has been made strong by the grace of the One who bore the combined weight of a fallen world for you.
Resource:
Intentional Courtship can help in this journey.
About the Author
Jeff Teichert, and his wife Cathy Butler Teichert, are the founders of “Love in Later Years,” which ministers to Latter-day Saint single adults seeking peace, healing, and more joyful relationships. They are co-authors of the Amazon bestseller Intentional Courtship: A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jeff and Cathy each spent nearly a decade in the mid-singles community and they use that experience to provide counsel and hope to mid-singles and later married couples through written articles, podcasts, and videos. Jeff and Cathy are both Advanced Certified Life Coaches and have university degrees in Family & Human Development. They are the parents of a blended family that includes four handsome sons, one lovely daughter-in-law, and two sweet little granddaughters.
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Website: http://www.loveinlateryears.com/
Podcast: https://anchor.fm/loveinlateryears
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ShaunaFebruary 5, 2026
this was super helpful--thank you. we are indeed often looking for the wrong things in relationships. I may share this with my YA children