Singles

Colonel Wesley L. Fox said, “You are never too old to start over.” Many middle-aged and older singles struggle to believe that. My first marriage effectively ended at Christmas 2008. I spend four hours on Christmas Eve in serious conversation with my sister-in-law about my 15-year marriage. That was the moment when I finally gave up and accepted the reality that it was over and there was nothing I could do to save it.

Three years later, I was living in Utah and still feeling deeply depressed about my divorce and the dissolution of my little family. As I was driving my children to their mother in Washington on New Year’s Eve, I was stranded with car trouble at the Flying J in Snowville, Utah. At that point, my total assets were down to an old, broken-down car that had been in two accidents with deer, and about $300 in my checking account.  I knew the money in my account would only cover about half the car repair — leaving nothing for gas to get me and my boys to Washington. There was no money to rent a car. I lay awake on the floor of the truckers’ lounge most of the night on that frigid New Year’s Eve, feeling the deepest shame of my life and racking my brain for a way out of this predicament.

During that season of my life, the problems seemed insurmountable. I felt like any time I got something solved, three more problems had arisen in the meantime. I felt destined to just keep struggling and failing. I was 44 years old. I don’t know that I could have believed that I was not “too old to start over” as Colonel Fox assures us. Many who have experienced loss of a relationship lasting a decade or more feel those years were wasted.

Is Colonel Fox’s assurance the philosophies of men, or is it eternal truth we can rely on? Speaking for the Lord, the prophet Joel promised “I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you” (Joel 2:25.) How does God “restore . . . years” that feel lost to us? The prophet Joel continued “ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed. And ye shall know that I am in the midst of Israel, and that I am the Lord your God, and none else: and my people shall never be ashamed” (Joel 2:26-27). “[T]he floors shall be full of wheat, and the vats shall overflow with wine and oil” (Joel 2:24). The Lord also promised, “I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions” (Joel 2:28).

In these verses, we are promised that (1) plenty will replace poverty; (2) the shame we feel will be taken away; and (3) we will receive revelation and spiritual insight. In October General Conference 2008, Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin taught something he called “the principle of compensation” meaning that “The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way.” When plenty replaced poverty in my life, my gratitude for everything I received was multiplied — having known the pain and anxiety of poverty and lack. Being able to provide for my family helped to take away the shame I felt, and I learned greater empathy and less judgment for others who struggle.

I learned to trust more in the Lord to provide my “daily bread” (Matthew 6:11). In his 2011 talk entitled “Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread,” Elder D. Todd Christofferson described struggling on the brink of financial ruin for several years:

“There were times when I had exhausted all my resources, when I had nowhere or no one to turn to at that moment, when there was simply no other human being I could call on to help meet the exigency before me. With no other recourse, more than once I fell down before my Heavenly Father begging in tears for His help. And He did help. Sometimes it was nothing more than a sense of peace, a feeling of assurance that things would work out. I might not see how or what the path would be, but He gave me to know that, directly or indirectly, He would open a way. Circumstances might change, a new and helpful idea might come to mind, some unanticipated income or other resource might appear at just the right time. Somehow there was a resolution.”

“Though I suffered then, as I look back now, I am grateful that there was not a quick solution to my problem. The fact that I was forced to turn to God for help almost daily over an extended period of years taught me truly how to pray and get answers to prayer and taught me in a very practical way to have faith in God. I came to know my Savior and my Heavenly Father in a way and to a degree that might not have happened otherwise or that might have taken me much longer to achieve.”

Spiritual insight and personal growth has helped me understand that the years spent in my first marriage were not wasted. During those years, I learned that happiness is a decision, and it mostly comes from inside us and not from our circumstances. There is nothing like a divorce to teach us how to forgive “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22). With the perspective of time, I realize the years I was married to my first wife were part of my journey and contained moments of both joy and sadness and everything in between—like the years before and since. Happiness is an art, and I have learned more about it by seeking it in trying circumstances and learning to let go of fear and trust the Lord.

You might be asking when your moment of deliverance will come. You might be asking when you will receive relief from a financial predicament, when the collection letters and calls will stop, when your former spouse will stop acting bitter toward you, or when you will find the kind of love you have always dreamed of. I cannot tell you when such miracles will come, nor can I promise you that other trials will not arise in the future. But I can promise you that the law of compensation is real, and you will be delivered. As Elder Wirthlin taught, “While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.”

As I approach another new year, thirteen years removed from that anxiety-ridden New Year’s Eve on the floor of the trucker’s lounge at the Flying J in the middle of nowhere, I marvel at how the Lord has restored and continues to restore the years of my life the locust had eaten.

The story of Job is in the Bible because he kept his trust in God through severe financial, health, and family losses. You will be delivered as “the Lord turned the captivity of Job” and “the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before” (Job 42:10). Your Heavenly Father is real, the law of compensation is real, and He will do miracles in your life. Remember that God is mindful of you. He allows you to suffer disappointments and setbacks so He can show forth his power in your life (John 9:3).

As the new year dawns, let us begin anew. You are not too old to start over because God will restore the years you have lost. I hope you will take the opportunity to renew your trust in a loving Father in Heaven who is mindful of you and arranging everything for your good (Romans 8:28).

About the Author

Jeff Teichert, and his wife Cathy Butler Teichert, are the founders of “Love in Later Years,” which ministers to Latter-day Saint single adults seeking peace, healing, and more joyful relationships. They are co-authors of the Amazon bestseller Intentional Courtship: A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jeff and Cathy each spent nearly a decade in the mid-singles community and they use that experience to provide counsel and hope to mid-singles and later married couples through written articles, podcasts, and videos. Jeff and Cathy are both Advanced Certified Life Coaches and have university degrees in Family & Human Development. They are the parents of a blended family that includes four handsome sons, one lovely daughter-in-law, and two sweet little granddaughters.

Purchase Jeff & Cathy’s book Intentional Courtship:

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Connect with Jeff & Cathy:

Website: http://www.loveinlateryears.com/
Podcast: https://anchor.fm/loveinlateryears
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/loveinlateryears
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/LoveInLaterYears
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Email: [email protected]