Many people say time heals all wounds, but that isn’t necessarily true. Passively waiting for an arbitrary period of time without any focus on growth will not produce healing. I have a good friend who was divorced two years prior to my divorce. He has been single for approximately 12 years and is still telling his divorce victim story to anyone and everyone who will listen and remains emotionally stuck in the mud. The mere passage of time has not healed his wounds. In fact, it appears that his pain has deepened with time and focus.
Much like setting a bone after it is broken will determine how it grows back together, the way we begin the healing process from divorce or the death of a loved one can make all the difference in the outcome. Setting the bone properly ultimately depends on our thought choices and beliefs.
If you have been stuck for a long time you can still reset the bone so your leg heals properly. It may require rebreaking it (by unwinding and letting go of the thoughts and beliefs that are not serving you), but it will make you happier and healthier in the long run.
Essential healing also requires that we look at love in a different way. It means replacing a heart at war toward a former spouse with a heart at peace. This transformation will begin when we see our former spouses as human beings rather than as vehicles or obstacles to getting what we want or need. Part of this transformation is reaching out to others in authentic honesty and making the happy discovery that many people will accept us, even when they know our embarrassing or painful secrets.
Until we open our hearts and people freely love us, instead of loving the masks we are wearing, we can never really know the love is real and sincere. The genuine love of others and of our God is the healing balm of Gilead that will prepare our hearts for deeper and greater love than we have experienced before. Look for wise people who can offer you real love and thereby reflect the love of God, and you will find the essential healing required to live your life more fully and date successfully and with more purpose.
We help those who have experienced divorce, especially within our faith, to actively recover and reclaim their lives. Enjoy our Life Design After Divorce FREE WEBINAR (more than an hour of FREE valuable information). For further support recovering from divorce, creating a joy-filled life, and preparing for new healthy relationships, join us for our in depth “Life Design After Divorce” 12-week course. REGISTER HERE: lilywebinars.com
FEATURED THIS WEEK
LILY Pod Episode 102: Emotion & Energetic State – What Creates It? (46min)
LILY Tube: Essential Healing for Dating Success (102min)
LILY Tube Short: Emotional Regulation Builds Trust in Relationships (1min)
About the Author
Jeff Teichert, and his wife Cathy Butler Teichert, are the founders of “Love in Later Years,” which ministers to Latter-day Saint single adults seeking peace, healing, and more joyful relationships. They are co-authors of the Amazon bestseller Intentional Courtship: A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jeff and Cathy each spent nearly a decade in the mid-singles community and they use that experience to provide counsel and hope to mid-singles and later married couples through written articles, podcasts, and videos. Jeff and Cathy are both Advanced Certified Life Coaches and have university degrees in Family & Human Development. They are the parents of a blended family that includes four handsome sons, one lovely daughter-in-law, and a sweet baby granddaughter.
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