Singles

I woke up on September 11, 2001, in a lodge on the shore of Lake Erie and walked out to the beach in this spectacular place. After a year of intensive post-graduate study at The George Washington University Law School, it was wonderful to take a moment in a beautiful spot to let go of some of the stress and pressure of the preceding academic year. I was driving a moving van through the Great Lakes country to settle my family in the State of Washington, where I was planning to establish my own law practice.

When I returned to my room at the lodge, my friend Sean was sitting on his bed watching television. The World Trade Center was ablaze, and Sean told me, “A plane hit the World Trade Center.” I said, “Was it terrorism?” Sean answered, “They don’t know yet.” Within a few minutes, I watched in horror as a passenger jet hit the other tower, and I instantly said, “That answers my question!” Within an hour and a half, both of these giant towers had collapsed into heaps of rubble, killing thousands of people who were trapped inside. We saw video footage of people literally jumping to their deaths from the towers to escape the excruciating heat of the fire engulfing the buildings. This terrible act of inhumanity and violence is etched indelibly in my memory.

My family was already in Washington, so Sean joined me on my move to help pack the moving van and provide company for the long drive to my new home. We were both initially angry and expressed anger and frustration about the horrific attack on our country. We both instinctively understood that the September 11 attack was our generation’s version of Pearl Harbor. As the journey wore on, we were reflective as we listened to the radio, processed every new piece of information, and tried to take in what this moment was going to mean for us and our families.

Grateful as I was to have Sean along on that trip, what I really wanted was my family. My wife and I were in the middle of some difficulties at that time. But I still felt her presence would be comforting, and I believed I could comfort her as well. When we talked on the phone during the trip, we both expressed that we wished we were together at that time. And I wanted to comfort my young children and help them feel safe. In moments of national crisis, it is common for families to pull together and consider their families a refuge from the storms of life. During the years of the Great Depression and World War II, the number of divorces in the United States actually dropped. My experience of the September 11 attacks very much felt that way for me. It was a time when my (former) wife and I reconnected.

In the last 18 days, all of America, and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in particular, have been impacted by the horrifying assassination of Charlie Kirk in my hometown of Orem, Utah, followed by the most terrible incident of targeted killing since the assassinations of Joseph and Hyrum Smith at Carthage Jail and the infamous Haun’s Mill massacre in Missouri. In Michigan, just one day after the death of our prophet, a middle-aged man plowed his truck into a church foyer in Michigan, jumped out of the vehicle, and opened fire. He also set fire to the stake center and burned it to the ground. Before he was killed in a gunfight with police, this man managed to kill at least four people and wound at least eight more, leaving a ward and community traumatized and grasping for peace and comfort

During this most trying time for our people, the love and support of my wife, children, and grandchildren are comforting to me, and I hope I am comforting to them. In our faith community, family is important, and it is instinctive for us to look to family in stressful times when we need comfort and reassurance. In our most famous anthem, Come Come Ye Saints, which is a forward-looking and optimistic song about the hardships faced by our early pioneers, the last line of every one of the four verses is “All is well! All is well!” When we are going through trials as a people, we want to be assured that “All is well!” Reverend Dr. Amos Brown of the NAACP called President Russell M. Nelson his “brother from another mother,” and compared Come Come Ye Saints to the beloved Baptist hymn Lift Every Voice and Sing, saying “These two songs are about a people who, in spite of being oppressed, excel, achieve, and remain loyal to their God.”

So, what can people do to cope with the grief, fear, and stress that result when our community or even our entire nation is afflicted with a collective tragedy such as September 11, the assassination of Charlie Kirk, or the attack on the Stake Center in Michigan, but do not have spouses as a source of peace and comfort?

1. Create a Support Group. This is a good idea for coping with single life in general, but especially during a time when the world is in turmoil. Not being with my (now former) wife on September 11 and the days immediately following was very difficult. But having my friend Sean there helped a lot. We were able to process our grief together and discuss what the event would mean to us. If you are single, you need at least a few good adult friendships for mutual support and connection—especially when the world is in turmoil. During the COVID-19 pandemic, many single people suffered from severe loneliness because of social distancing policies. But those who reached out through video calls and other methods of connecting with other human beings did better than those who did not. When I was going through my divorce, I reached out to several old friends from my high school years, mission companions, college friends, and even cousins with whom I did not previously have much contact. Those people were more helpful than I can say in making me feel cared about and supported in troubled times.
2. Intentionally trust God. I love the promises revealed through William Clayton in Come Come Ye Saints that “Grace shall be as your day,” “Our God will never us forsake,” and “We’ll find the place which God for us prepared, Far away in the West, Where none shall come to hurt or make afraid, There the Saints will be blessed.” Remember the promise Paul gave to the Romans that “we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28.) Focusing on the Lord’s promises can help us to see the higher meaning of events, even trials, and even in tragic times. 
3. Look to other singles. Keep in mind that other singles are probably struggling as much or even more than you with the feeling that they have no one with whom to share their grief. Even in relatively better times, it is common for singles to occasionally feel lonely, and many have formed social groups to have places to meet and connect with other singles to commiserate and have witnesses to their lives. A few years ago, Cathy and I invited a friend from my single years to Sunday dinner at our home. She is an intelligent, charismatic, driven, and beautiful woman. She had a great time playing with my step-kids and talking to me and Cathy over pot roast and potatoes. A day or two later, my friend told me she cried on the way home. I asked her why she cried. My friend told me she saw the beautiful life I had created, and she ached for the same thing for herself. Having been in the same situation, I felt a lot of empathy for her. So would many other singles. If there is not a group you are attracted to, try starting your own. There is a need. If you fill it, people will join you. Who knows, your future king or queen may be among those who come looking for your group. It can be based on books, movies, hiking and outdoors, cooking and food, or nothing specific. The key is that you make friends and create a way to meaningfully connect with other people.

In times of collective sorrow and upheaval, the ache of solitude can feel especially sharp for those who walk the path of singleness. Yet even without a spouse to lean on, single individuals are not without refuge. By forging intentional connections, trusting in divine promises, and seeking solidarity with others who share their journey, they can find strength, meaning, and healing. Tragedy may isolate, but it also invites us to reach outward—to build community, deepen faith, and become a source of comfort to others. Whether through friendship, fellowship, or faith, we can each echo the anthem of our pioneers and proclaim, even through tears, “All is well! All is well!”

Resource:

Intentional Courtship can help in this journey.

About the Author

Jeff Teichert, and his wife, Cathy Butler Teichert, are the founders of “Love in Later Years,” which ministers to Latter-day Saint single adults seeking peace, healing, and more joyful relationships. They are co-authors of the Amazon bestseller Intentional Courtship: A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jeff and Cathy each spent nearly a decade in the mid-singles community and they use that experience to provide counsel and hope to mid-singles and later married couples through written articles, podcasts, and videos. Jeff and Cathy are both Advanced Certified Life Coaches and have university degrees in Family & Human Development. They are the parents of a blended family that includes four handsome sons, one lovely daughter-in-law, and two sweet little granddaughters.

Purchase Jeff & Cathy’s book Intentional Courtship:
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