50 years ago, when I was serving a mission in the France Switzerland mission, our mission president Sydney F. Sager taught us that people really don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. When I begin working as a therapist with men who were in prison, our clinical director emphasized the same thing: people really don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

When we choose to focus on others and care for others that is when we feel best about ourselves. When people are only looking for love instead of giving love, they can become very disappointed. The two great commandments do not say “I need love.” We are commanded to give love: “Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. And love thy neighbor as thyself.” Interestingly, when we give love, we find love.

When we follow the words of the Lord to love others, then we learn to pay attention to their thoughts and feelings, hopes and fears, dreams and goals of others. We treat people as individuals and not as objects. There is a saying: Don’t love objects and use people. Love people and use objects.

Loving others is a crucial life lesson. When we show that we care, that sense of care is charity, the pure love of Christ. Love is how marriages become eternal marriages. Love is how families become eternal families. Love makes it easier to understand and follow the words of our prophet to minister in a higher and holier way. Love makes us more effective as missionaries. Love makes it easier to focus on becoming peacemakers. Love makes it easier to think celestial because we want to return to loving heavenly parents along with our families. And love helps us expand that desire to include not only our families, but also our friends and neighbors and all of the sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father.

In the October 2023 General Conference Elder Ulisses Soares of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles encourages us as disciples of Christ to increase our faith in, and love for, our spiritual brothers and sisters by “genuinely knitting our hearts together in unity and love regardless of our differences, thereby increasing our ability to promote respect for the dignity of all the sons and daughters of God.”

When we love as our Savior loves, we become more kind, more gracious, more patient, and we move forward together united in purpose and love.

One experience about kindness stands out in my mind when we were serving at BYU Hawaii. During the Tuesday morning devotional, our visitors formed a panel that included Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, Elder David A. Bednar, Sister Jean B. Bingham, and others. They responded to questions from the student audience. At one point, in response to a question, a panel member said “That is just stupid!.” From where I was sitting, I could see Elder Holland, Elder Bednar, and Sister Bingham simultaneously sit up and lean forward in their chairs realizing that maybe the response could have been more kind. Our words matter.

Whenever the Savior teaches and calls us to repentance, he uses “persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness and meekness, by love unfeigned, by kindness … “ (see Doctrine and Covenants 121:41-42). Unfortunately, when we “reprove with sharpness,” too many of us interpret the phrase to be “cutting” when it really means to be “clear” or to reprove with “clarity.” And we tend to miss or ignore the entire phrase that says “reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved…” There is never a time or place or excuse to be verbally abusive or physically abusive just to make a point.

There is so much good counsel in Elder Soares’ talk. Here is a summary of his counsel to us:

  • Recognize that we were all created in the image and likeness of God
  • We all have divine nature, heritage, and potential
  • Preserve the dignity and respect every son and daughter of God deserves
  • Build bridges of understanding
  • Act with lowliness, meekness, and long-suffering toward one another
  • Be attentive to everyone’s needs
  • Avoid making use of preconceived, mistaken, and often sarcastic ideas
  • Rid yourself of attitudes of contempt, indifference, disrespect, and prejudice
  • Let go of pride, arrogance, envy, and jealousy, and characteristics of a carnal nature
  • Abandon attitudes and actions of prejudice
  • Walk together, peaceably, with our hearts filled with love toward all men

May the Lord bless us to care for and love our spirit brothers and sisters as our Savior cares for and love each one of us.