Because of two marriages and children that cover a 16-year age span, I have been actively raising children for more than 30 years. On this journey, when one of the children has given us reasons to worry or be sad, I have reminded myself that “We’re playing a long game here.” I am sure God wants to remind us of the same truth when His wisdom dictates that divine parental promises need to wait a little longer than we might like.
For many decades, Abraham and Sarah prayed and wished for a child. By the time the Lord came to Abraham and told him that Sarah would bear a child, she had long since given up. The book of Genesis records that “Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?” (Genesis 18:12). Heavenly Father replied, “Is any thing too hard for the Lord? At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son” (Genesis 18:14). Sarah was literally promised that her monthly cycle would return, she would begin ovulating again, and that she would have a baby even though she had already gone through menopause. Such miracles are not “too hard for the Lord.” The Lord has even said, “I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten” (Joel 2:25). In a miraculous way, the Lord has promised to restore the years we thought were lost in a troubled marriage that ultimately ended.
In October 1999, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said that “Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.” C.S. Lewis echoed this idea, saying, “The door on which we have been knocking all our lives will open at last.”
Many reading this column are disillusioned because they have done all the things they believed they were told would yield an abundant Latter-day Saint life and yet are middle-aged and have never realized the promise of marriage. Some have celebrated a marriage and had their hearts broken years later as they have been abused or rejected by a spouse and find themselves alone and without a companion in their middle years. Still others know the deep loss of a beloved spouse to a seemingly untimely death.
In truth, no one ever actually promised us that going on a mission, staying morally clean, marrying in the temple, being active in the church, and paying tithing would yield a life free of hardship and trouble. In fact, scripture tells us that “whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth” (Hebrews 12:6). This month’s Liahona includes an article by Chakell Wardleigh Herbert, saying:
“There may be circumstances that you long for or blessings that you wish you could have right now. And it’s OK to grieve those things that haven’t come your way yet. However, don’t let that stop you from seeing the goodness in front of you.”
In October General Conference 1998, Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, “When we are unduly impatient with an omniscient God’s timing, we really are suggesting that we know what is best.” He hastened to add that “The truly hopeful… work amid surrounding decay at having strong and happy families.” Truly hopeful people without spouses and children of their own work at creating families of their own.
I know God can bless us in the most unlikely circumstances. Though I have been divorced twice, I married my eternal companion when I was 50 years old, after dating her for most of one year, breaking up, and remaining friends the entire next year. Our Father in Heaven may not answer our prayers in our desired time frame or in the way we may hope. But he will answer them in His own way. As the Prophet Joseph Smith revealed, God’s “words are sure and shall not fail . . . But all things must come to pass in their time” (Doctrine & Covenants 64:31-32). The Church’s statement entitled About Temple Sealings makes clear that the Lord “has promised that all who accept the gospel and strive to keep their covenants will have the opportunity to be married and have children either in this life or the next.” I believe that most of us will have the opportunity to marry a qualified companion in this life because the Lord is “is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him” (Hebrews 11:6). But many of us who earnestly seek the blessing of eternal marriage will have to wait years and even decades longer than we might have expected to receive the blessing.
Our Father in Heaven is playing a longer game than we are, and his perspective is eternal while ours is time-bound. The fact that a particular blessing may be “late” according to my wisdom does not mean God has forgotten about me or finds me less worthy than others. I simply have a different path that includes different challenges, leading me to divinely appointed blessings. Joseph spent many years as a slave and prisoner before his spiritual gifts were made known to the Pharoah and he became the ruler of all Egypt (Genesis 41:39-45). Joseph was only 17 years old when he was sold into slavery (Genesis 37:2), but 30 years old when he rose to power (Genesis 41:46). How did Joseph wait those thirteen years with no sign that things would ever get better? He simply did his best when he had no external evidence of things improving (Genesis 39:4-6, 21-23). When Joseph finally saw the bigger picture, he could say to his brothers: “You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:20). And playing the long game means, more than anything else, trusting in the Lord’s promises even when we can see no way for their fulfillment. As the Lord revealed to the Prophet Habakkuk, “For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry” (Habakkuk 2:3).
Resource:
Intentional Courtship can help in this journey.
About the Author
Jeff Teichert and his wife, Cathy Butler Teichert, are the founders of “Love in Later Years,” which ministers to Latter-day Saint single adults seeking peace, healing, and more joyful relationships. They are co-authors of the Amazon bestseller Intentional Courtship: A Mid-Singles Guide to Peace, Progress and Pairing Up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Jeff and Cathy each spent nearly a decade in the mid-singles community, and they use that experience to provide counsel and hope to mid-singles and later married couples through written articles, podcasts, and videos. Jeff and Cathy are both Advanced Certified Life Coaches and have university degrees in Family & Human Development. They are the parents of a blended family that includes four handsome sons, one lovely daughter-in-law, and two sweet little granddaughters.
Purchase Jeff & Cathy’s book Intentional Courtship:
https://amzn.to/3GXW5h1
Connect with Jeff & Cathy:
Website: http://www.loveinlateryears.com/
Podcast: https://anchor.fm/loveinlateryears
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/loveinlateryears
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/LoveInLaterYears
Instagram: http://instagram.com/loveinlateryears/
Email: [email protected]
