Forgiveness is a process. Initially the offense is like a physical blow....like a slap int he face...while it stings it is going to hurt for sure. One needs to let the pain run it's course. When the bleeding has stopped... the Balm needs to be applied. The difference between the sinner and the sin. It help me to visualse the individual when he or she was a baby....innocent....now in life struggling like me to make it back with honour. So while it is bleeding ...it is not the time to apply the balm...the bleeding needs to run it's course. There is a time in every process for the next step...it is also common for more then one person being hurt...as we care what happens to the ones we love...I hope I have express myself clearly as french is my mother tongue and my first reply ever. Hope it was helpful.
Angela BarrattJanuary 15, 2015
I'm not sure that asking forgiveness from someone who has deeply wounded you is necessarily going to be a positive step forward in being able to forgive the offence. I understand what is being said here, but I think it is more likely to aggravate an already inflammatory situation. If the offence has been inadvertent, yes, maybe, but when someone has hurled every kind of insult at you and/or a family member in the interests of "being honest", which my daughter's ex-best friend did to her just before Christmas, I think that an apology for being hurt by the attack is just going to make matters worse. My challenge is to help my daughter, who is already in therapy for anxiety and depression, recover from an abrupt end to a 25yr long friendship. I need to help her forgive and let go of the grudge without making her feel even worse about herself than she does, and implying that her feelings of hurt and distress are something to apologise for is not going to help at all. .
JerrilynJanuary 14, 2015
Thank you for such a beautiful, timely and well-written article. And thank you for quoting two of my all-time favourite general authorities. I have felt a great need to learn about the principle of forgiveness and appreciate the insights you have given me. I would like to share an additional profound truth I learned last week which helps me to understand why forgiveness is so important. "We cannot move forward in our lives when we are hanging on to negative events from the past. That is like having a ball and chain attached to us. One way of unleashing a negative past is to forgive. Forgiveness does NOT mean condoning what happened to us. It means releasing the resentment that we feel around what happened." I really admire Elizabeth Smart and her family and I am certain that the only way that they could have moved forward and be experiencing the incredible life that they are is because of experiencing the miracle of forgiveness. What was done to Elizabeth was definitely wrong but that is for us to leave to the Lord. When we fail to forgive, we are the only ones we are hurting.
MaryEliza SturrockJanuary 14, 2015
Where in LDS doctrine is the teaching that the offended owes an apology for negative feelings to the offender? Nowhere. If it comes as personal revelation, then it needs to be heeded. When I hear of advice give to apologize to an offender, I can't help but wonder what Elizabeth or Ed Smart's letter would look like.
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Monica ChamberlandJanuary 17, 2015
Forgiveness is a process. Initially the offense is like a physical blow....like a slap int he face...while it stings it is going to hurt for sure. One needs to let the pain run it's course. When the bleeding has stopped... the Balm needs to be applied. The difference between the sinner and the sin. It help me to visualse the individual when he or she was a baby....innocent....now in life struggling like me to make it back with honour. So while it is bleeding ...it is not the time to apply the balm...the bleeding needs to run it's course. There is a time in every process for the next step...it is also common for more then one person being hurt...as we care what happens to the ones we love...I hope I have express myself clearly as french is my mother tongue and my first reply ever. Hope it was helpful.
Angela BarrattJanuary 15, 2015
I'm not sure that asking forgiveness from someone who has deeply wounded you is necessarily going to be a positive step forward in being able to forgive the offence. I understand what is being said here, but I think it is more likely to aggravate an already inflammatory situation. If the offence has been inadvertent, yes, maybe, but when someone has hurled every kind of insult at you and/or a family member in the interests of "being honest", which my daughter's ex-best friend did to her just before Christmas, I think that an apology for being hurt by the attack is just going to make matters worse. My challenge is to help my daughter, who is already in therapy for anxiety and depression, recover from an abrupt end to a 25yr long friendship. I need to help her forgive and let go of the grudge without making her feel even worse about herself than she does, and implying that her feelings of hurt and distress are something to apologise for is not going to help at all. .
JerrilynJanuary 14, 2015
Thank you for such a beautiful, timely and well-written article. And thank you for quoting two of my all-time favourite general authorities. I have felt a great need to learn about the principle of forgiveness and appreciate the insights you have given me. I would like to share an additional profound truth I learned last week which helps me to understand why forgiveness is so important. "We cannot move forward in our lives when we are hanging on to negative events from the past. That is like having a ball and chain attached to us. One way of unleashing a negative past is to forgive. Forgiveness does NOT mean condoning what happened to us. It means releasing the resentment that we feel around what happened." I really admire Elizabeth Smart and her family and I am certain that the only way that they could have moved forward and be experiencing the incredible life that they are is because of experiencing the miracle of forgiveness. What was done to Elizabeth was definitely wrong but that is for us to leave to the Lord. When we fail to forgive, we are the only ones we are hurting.
MaryEliza SturrockJanuary 14, 2015
Where in LDS doctrine is the teaching that the offended owes an apology for negative feelings to the offender? Nowhere. If it comes as personal revelation, then it needs to be heeded. When I hear of advice give to apologize to an offender, I can't help but wonder what Elizabeth or Ed Smart's letter would look like.
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