I have similar problems in my marriage. Have you read "Pulling Your Own Strings" by Wayne Dyer? It has really helped me identify who I really am and to stand up for my rights as a human being. Other than the basic Gospel principles, this book has helped me the most, not only in my marriage but with my kids and other people who try to "guilt" me into doing things. I sincerely hope this helps.
anonymousFebruary 14, 2013
Thanks for all the input and I will get a copy of "Pulling your own strings." My husband is active, but when we were married, his mother was determined to break us up. She passed away 12-years ago but my hubby still has ALL her belongings. He put her first in our marriage. We are on the brink of bankruptcy because we could be renting her apartment (We live in a duplex) but he cannot let go of her things. I've been to a councilor to fix me and take antidepressants to cope. I stay because we are financially strapped and I guess I've gotten used to it. I've prayed, had blessings, called my Bishop, but the cycle still goes on. I did leave him several times, but he calls our children with his "Poor Me" story and they convince me to "Give him one more chance."
He is a master puppeteer . I need to shut off my heart and listen to my head. If he would go to get help I know he would see things as they really are.
AnonymousFebruary 13, 2013
I have similar problems in my marriage. Have you read "Pulling Your Own Strings" by Wayne Dyer? It has really helped me identify who I really am and to stand up for my rights as a human being. Other than the basic Gospel principles, this book has helped me the most, not only in my marriage but with my kids and other people who try to "guilt" me into doing things. I sincerely hope this helps.
Taryn FoxFebruary 13, 2013
Remember: Other people "wallow in victimhood," but if you're upset about something it's for a legitimate reason.
You worthless shit.
tlFebruary 12, 2013
PS. Unfortunately my hb is not active.
tlFebruary 12, 2013
I am in a somewhat similar situation, not quite as bad. When I was in the temple recently, I felt my mother-in-law there (she passed away several years ago; I had only met her twice). I felt very strongly from her that I wasn't to allow my hb to treat me disrespectly anymore. My hb is out of town for a couple months, so I have some time, but I don't know how I'm going to be able to change those dynamics, except to try to really internalize that I am a daughter of God with tremendous worth. Yes, I know that, but do I believe it? Not really.
I guess I feel like I have this huge ship to build (like Nephi), and I need to go to the Lord to find out how to build it because I have no clue.
I wish both of you the best.
jaFebruary 12, 2013
That is a challenge. What has kept you there this long? Were things better at earlier points? Is he active in church? Does he use the priesthood? I know it can be hard and I am also tempted to leave a husband that is blaming and unaware of his own accountability. What to do?
anonymousFebruary 12, 2013
I have been in a marriage for 30+ years with someone who blames me for everything. When I tell him that he has control over his reactions to situations, he replies, "Well, YOU push my buttons." I retort, "But you have the ON and OFF switch.
If he leaves his shoes in the middle of the room and I trip over them, I ..."should look where I'm going." If I leave my shoes in the middle of the room, I am barraged with insults as to how insensitive I am because I caused him to trip over them.
I don't know how to address those situations where I'm always at fault for everything.
I realize that he has scars from his parents who had terrible fights and hated each other.
I chose to sleep in my own bedroom where I can escape his wrath.
He will not go for help as he states, "You're the one with the problem, not me."
Socially he can be charming and is very quiet around our friends. He KNOWS how to behave, but I guess I bring out the worst in him.
Leaving is not an option right now but if I had the funds to do so, I would.
Any suggestions?
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AnonymousFebruary 15, 2013
I have similar problems in my marriage. Have you read "Pulling Your Own Strings" by Wayne Dyer? It has really helped me identify who I really am and to stand up for my rights as a human being. Other than the basic Gospel principles, this book has helped me the most, not only in my marriage but with my kids and other people who try to "guilt" me into doing things. I sincerely hope this helps.
anonymousFebruary 14, 2013
Thanks for all the input and I will get a copy of "Pulling your own strings." My husband is active, but when we were married, his mother was determined to break us up. She passed away 12-years ago but my hubby still has ALL her belongings. He put her first in our marriage. We are on the brink of bankruptcy because we could be renting her apartment (We live in a duplex) but he cannot let go of her things. I've been to a councilor to fix me and take antidepressants to cope. I stay because we are financially strapped and I guess I've gotten used to it. I've prayed, had blessings, called my Bishop, but the cycle still goes on. I did leave him several times, but he calls our children with his "Poor Me" story and they convince me to "Give him one more chance." He is a master puppeteer . I need to shut off my heart and listen to my head. If he would go to get help I know he would see things as they really are.
AnonymousFebruary 13, 2013
I have similar problems in my marriage. Have you read "Pulling Your Own Strings" by Wayne Dyer? It has really helped me identify who I really am and to stand up for my rights as a human being. Other than the basic Gospel principles, this book has helped me the most, not only in my marriage but with my kids and other people who try to "guilt" me into doing things. I sincerely hope this helps.
Taryn FoxFebruary 13, 2013
Remember: Other people "wallow in victimhood," but if you're upset about something it's for a legitimate reason. You worthless shit.
tlFebruary 12, 2013
PS. Unfortunately my hb is not active.
tlFebruary 12, 2013
I am in a somewhat similar situation, not quite as bad. When I was in the temple recently, I felt my mother-in-law there (she passed away several years ago; I had only met her twice). I felt very strongly from her that I wasn't to allow my hb to treat me disrespectly anymore. My hb is out of town for a couple months, so I have some time, but I don't know how I'm going to be able to change those dynamics, except to try to really internalize that I am a daughter of God with tremendous worth. Yes, I know that, but do I believe it? Not really. I guess I feel like I have this huge ship to build (like Nephi), and I need to go to the Lord to find out how to build it because I have no clue. I wish both of you the best.
jaFebruary 12, 2013
That is a challenge. What has kept you there this long? Were things better at earlier points? Is he active in church? Does he use the priesthood? I know it can be hard and I am also tempted to leave a husband that is blaming and unaware of his own accountability. What to do?
anonymousFebruary 12, 2013
I have been in a marriage for 30+ years with someone who blames me for everything. When I tell him that he has control over his reactions to situations, he replies, "Well, YOU push my buttons." I retort, "But you have the ON and OFF switch. If he leaves his shoes in the middle of the room and I trip over them, I ..."should look where I'm going." If I leave my shoes in the middle of the room, I am barraged with insults as to how insensitive I am because I caused him to trip over them. I don't know how to address those situations where I'm always at fault for everything. I realize that he has scars from his parents who had terrible fights and hated each other. I chose to sleep in my own bedroom where I can escape his wrath. He will not go for help as he states, "You're the one with the problem, not me." Socially he can be charming and is very quiet around our friends. He KNOWS how to behave, but I guess I bring out the worst in him. Leaving is not an option right now but if I had the funds to do so, I would. Any suggestions?
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