There are all kinds of reasons for addiction but at the heart is "pain". Pain felt from depression, pain felt from child sexual abuse, pain felt from abandonment, pain felt from feeling left out by peers, pain of loneliness, pain felt from physical ailments, to name but a few. And there is only one way to get out of the pain felt from all kinds of circumstances or situations whether self generated or imposed by others and that is embracing "God" (the higher power) because that is where the power/grace is! All other resources are help meets and they are important, very important, but in the end its embracing God's will over the will of being subject to the power of addiction by and through "agency". The problem is, of course, that the addicts "thinking, reasoning, and logic" don't operate in a healthy way and don't and can't work for the betterment of the addict under the influence....so, how does a community help those afflicted? Is it more meetings, more councillors, more treatment programs/facilities, more incarcerations, more sponsors, more money to fund clean needle injection sites, more education, or any number of other options? Hasn't the community been doing this and its not working? In my opinion, having been born into addiction, having an addictive personality, and then birthing addiction it is my experience and belief that there is only one way out and that is through the power and grace of God. Until any addict submits to accepting that the power of addiction is not greater than the power and grace of God's love and will for the addict the community affected and afflicted by the addict will continue to chase after all kinds of hopeful solutions that aren't producing the lasting results the drug/porn/gambling/food/alcohol recovery programs are trying to produce. God bless them for trying! Is there a "one fits all" solution or plan? I believe there is - the problem is how to deliver that message clearly, simply, effectively to those who struggle in the hell of addiction. My message to myself and to the addict I birthed is "for people like us" the only way out is through committing myself to Gods love, grace, and will no matter what. I get an education about addiction, I get counselling from educated and trained councillors, I go to 12 step/recovery meetings, I accept having a sponsor, I accept that I will do service, I accept that I will have to change using friends to non-using friends in and out of program, I accept that I need the heart and message of the program of recovery and that is committing myself to accepting what my higher power "God" has in store for me to get me dry and clean and to stay that way at all costs no matter what!! If not, then I or any addict will continue to keep the fires of hell burning!
Nikki TrionfoJanuary 18, 2017
It's hard to know when to help and when to step back, even on simple things like answering repeated calls or accepting an invitation to dinner. I sometimes say no to a specific family member, not because I'm being firm, but because I'm sick to death of drama! That doesn't make me proud. When I take a moment to pray and find humility, I am better able to give of myself emotionally, even when reason mandates giving nothing else. Loving a drug addict is a different experience than loving pretty much everyone else. The rules are different. The boundaries are different, where I don't monitor me being pushy, but me being pushed. The level of concern for their welfare is different, where their pain is sometimes a thing to rejoice it, as maybe it will knock some sense into them. Maybe. Protecting myself and my family feels selfish, but also feels right. It's all such an unusual mix. I try to remember God is very big. I do love this person (when I'm not filled with contempt for them) and I believe God does, too. I have no solution to offer. This will be a struggle until the end of this earth. I guess I try to submit to that as God's will and just mourn with those that mourn.
Pete Pasquali IVJanuary 18, 2017
It is easy to become bitter. I have tried to help many. Almost all of them greatly disappointed me. I can only think of one person who I tried to help that utterly and completely quit meth - meth is a drug that few come back from. I am continually amazed by that person - such astonishing willpower! - who restores my faith that choice is an amazing power to wield and that all change is self change: no one can truly take credit for getting anyone to quit self harm except the addict who gets them-self out.
I hate illegal drugs and prescription drug abuse with every fiber of my being - I know if I was the Devil and I wanted to concoct something that destroyed God's children and their freedom of choice that things like Marijuana abuse, crack, alcohol abuse, tobacco abuse, and meth would be among my ultimate tools. The only thing that would come second in giving me unchecked power over them is the propaganda popular in those circles that revel in it and claims it is okay and that they are entitled to it.
but I am fortunate enough to realize that when I see someone caught in its net that there, but for the grace of God, for the warning from my parents, and for the uncompromising choices I have made in life, go I.
For I comprehend that those folks are medicating issues for which they never found a solution - and they do it because they think there is no real reason to live. But most importantly, they haven't made the choice to love themselves and those around them enough.
John H WaitingJanuary 18, 2017
Thank you for experience in helping in this dark world of drugs and alcohol.
I was an executive director of a Drug and Alcohol rehab unit here in England for some 7 or so years. Whilst we saw many out of this way of life, sadly, we saw many return several times and the distress it caused family and friends.
It is true that the road to sobriety is a long and slow road, with great Councelors many do recover to take on important roles in the community.
Once again thank you for your experience in helping.
Saundra GuestJanuary 18, 2017
My sister tried to help a cousin who was addicted since age 20, now in his fifties. She finally realized it was useless because he didn't have the will to change and she was putting herself and family in danger. We pray for him.
anonymousJanuary 18, 2017
Good article. Happy ( contended with meaning and purpose in their lives) people don't do drugs, don't drink themselves blacked out, gamble, beat their kids, have eating disorders.... and so on. Our 40 year old son is a homeless alcoholic, having lost everything... we cannot help him as he is unwilling to do " what it takes" to help himself. All we can do now is love him and pray for him. I don't agree with everything you have posted here but that is true of most addiction conversations - room for philosophical differences ... there is no "one size fits all" approach. But there are some truths about recovery that underlay success.
1. you gotta want to be done with your "lifestyle"
2. re-introducing spirituality into your life makes all the difference in motivation and empowerment.
3. You have to be willing to do whatever it takes to be healthy in all aspects.
I had to laugh to myself one night when a kind young couple dropped our 40 year old son off at our house ( he was plastered) they had found him at the grocery store, fallen down ( duh). He told them he lived at our house... so they brought him there - concerned of course that he would hurt himself or die - they "rescued" him. Little could they know he had been "kicked out" for punching holes in our wall and threatening to kill us. And as the young woman expressed her motivation as being connected to " light the world" ... she was "doing unto others" - I had to choke back my cynicism and be grateful for her goodness. After they left... our son fell into the bushes, passed out and that's where he slept.
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anonymousJanuary 19, 2017
There are all kinds of reasons for addiction but at the heart is "pain". Pain felt from depression, pain felt from child sexual abuse, pain felt from abandonment, pain felt from feeling left out by peers, pain of loneliness, pain felt from physical ailments, to name but a few. And there is only one way to get out of the pain felt from all kinds of circumstances or situations whether self generated or imposed by others and that is embracing "God" (the higher power) because that is where the power/grace is! All other resources are help meets and they are important, very important, but in the end its embracing God's will over the will of being subject to the power of addiction by and through "agency". The problem is, of course, that the addicts "thinking, reasoning, and logic" don't operate in a healthy way and don't and can't work for the betterment of the addict under the influence....so, how does a community help those afflicted? Is it more meetings, more councillors, more treatment programs/facilities, more incarcerations, more sponsors, more money to fund clean needle injection sites, more education, or any number of other options? Hasn't the community been doing this and its not working? In my opinion, having been born into addiction, having an addictive personality, and then birthing addiction it is my experience and belief that there is only one way out and that is through the power and grace of God. Until any addict submits to accepting that the power of addiction is not greater than the power and grace of God's love and will for the addict the community affected and afflicted by the addict will continue to chase after all kinds of hopeful solutions that aren't producing the lasting results the drug/porn/gambling/food/alcohol recovery programs are trying to produce. God bless them for trying! Is there a "one fits all" solution or plan? I believe there is - the problem is how to deliver that message clearly, simply, effectively to those who struggle in the hell of addiction. My message to myself and to the addict I birthed is "for people like us" the only way out is through committing myself to Gods love, grace, and will no matter what. I get an education about addiction, I get counselling from educated and trained councillors, I go to 12 step/recovery meetings, I accept having a sponsor, I accept that I will do service, I accept that I will have to change using friends to non-using friends in and out of program, I accept that I need the heart and message of the program of recovery and that is committing myself to accepting what my higher power "God" has in store for me to get me dry and clean and to stay that way at all costs no matter what!! If not, then I or any addict will continue to keep the fires of hell burning!
Nikki TrionfoJanuary 18, 2017
It's hard to know when to help and when to step back, even on simple things like answering repeated calls or accepting an invitation to dinner. I sometimes say no to a specific family member, not because I'm being firm, but because I'm sick to death of drama! That doesn't make me proud. When I take a moment to pray and find humility, I am better able to give of myself emotionally, even when reason mandates giving nothing else. Loving a drug addict is a different experience than loving pretty much everyone else. The rules are different. The boundaries are different, where I don't monitor me being pushy, but me being pushed. The level of concern for their welfare is different, where their pain is sometimes a thing to rejoice it, as maybe it will knock some sense into them. Maybe. Protecting myself and my family feels selfish, but also feels right. It's all such an unusual mix. I try to remember God is very big. I do love this person (when I'm not filled with contempt for them) and I believe God does, too. I have no solution to offer. This will be a struggle until the end of this earth. I guess I try to submit to that as God's will and just mourn with those that mourn.
Pete Pasquali IVJanuary 18, 2017
It is easy to become bitter. I have tried to help many. Almost all of them greatly disappointed me. I can only think of one person who I tried to help that utterly and completely quit meth - meth is a drug that few come back from. I am continually amazed by that person - such astonishing willpower! - who restores my faith that choice is an amazing power to wield and that all change is self change: no one can truly take credit for getting anyone to quit self harm except the addict who gets them-self out. I hate illegal drugs and prescription drug abuse with every fiber of my being - I know if I was the Devil and I wanted to concoct something that destroyed God's children and their freedom of choice that things like Marijuana abuse, crack, alcohol abuse, tobacco abuse, and meth would be among my ultimate tools. The only thing that would come second in giving me unchecked power over them is the propaganda popular in those circles that revel in it and claims it is okay and that they are entitled to it. but I am fortunate enough to realize that when I see someone caught in its net that there, but for the grace of God, for the warning from my parents, and for the uncompromising choices I have made in life, go I. For I comprehend that those folks are medicating issues for which they never found a solution - and they do it because they think there is no real reason to live. But most importantly, they haven't made the choice to love themselves and those around them enough.
John H WaitingJanuary 18, 2017
Thank you for experience in helping in this dark world of drugs and alcohol. I was an executive director of a Drug and Alcohol rehab unit here in England for some 7 or so years. Whilst we saw many out of this way of life, sadly, we saw many return several times and the distress it caused family and friends. It is true that the road to sobriety is a long and slow road, with great Councelors many do recover to take on important roles in the community. Once again thank you for your experience in helping.
Saundra GuestJanuary 18, 2017
My sister tried to help a cousin who was addicted since age 20, now in his fifties. She finally realized it was useless because he didn't have the will to change and she was putting herself and family in danger. We pray for him.
anonymousJanuary 18, 2017
Good article. Happy ( contended with meaning and purpose in their lives) people don't do drugs, don't drink themselves blacked out, gamble, beat their kids, have eating disorders.... and so on. Our 40 year old son is a homeless alcoholic, having lost everything... we cannot help him as he is unwilling to do " what it takes" to help himself. All we can do now is love him and pray for him. I don't agree with everything you have posted here but that is true of most addiction conversations - room for philosophical differences ... there is no "one size fits all" approach. But there are some truths about recovery that underlay success. 1. you gotta want to be done with your "lifestyle" 2. re-introducing spirituality into your life makes all the difference in motivation and empowerment. 3. You have to be willing to do whatever it takes to be healthy in all aspects. I had to laugh to myself one night when a kind young couple dropped our 40 year old son off at our house ( he was plastered) they had found him at the grocery store, fallen down ( duh). He told them he lived at our house... so they brought him there - concerned of course that he would hurt himself or die - they "rescued" him. Little could they know he had been "kicked out" for punching holes in our wall and threatening to kill us. And as the young woman expressed her motivation as being connected to " light the world" ... she was "doing unto others" - I had to choke back my cynicism and be grateful for her goodness. After they left... our son fell into the bushes, passed out and that's where he slept.
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