Draping Yourself in a Rainbow Flag Doesn’t Help Me Feel Loved
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Behold the Beast
Comments | Return to Story
Tom BaxterJune 10, 2022
As a retried professional having dealt with SSA issues in the past, I also have been disappointed with the imbalance with which this issue has been celebrated by the media, including Church-owned media outlets. Some have deliberately or unintentionally promoted the love and acceptance side without addressing the doctrinal and moral realities.. I also compliment Brother Bennion's courage, ,especially in light of his unique and valid personal perspective. He effectively articulated the disconnect between how reporting has been handled and the fundamental doctrines of the Church. As an emeritus general authority repeated to me, "God's truth, God's laws and God's justice will never be man's truth, laws and justice." I recall the then Elder Oaks being interviewed by a CBS reporter who was seeking to characterize the Church as discriminatory towards members dealing with homosexuality. When the reporter tried to challenge the church's position, Elder Oaks repeatedly said, "Sex outside of marriage is a sin". At that time there were no gay marriages. The position now includes defining marriage as only being between a man and a woman. It is imperative that parents make the home the primary source in promoting gospel principles. The evidence is clear that children coming from such homes are much more clear, less deceived and better grounded in God's ways as to what is moral and immoral as contrasted with the world's ways. Parents cannot rely on outside sources to instruct their children. God's laws and commandments regarding what chastity and identity really is must be taught and exemplified in the home. .
T. EarlJune 9, 2022
Thank you! THANK YOU!! I have to admit that moving from the San Francisco Bay Area to Utah I’ve been surprised that the rhetoric and the rainbow flag seems to be even stronger in the Salt Lake Valley. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I admit that I have been left confused at times on where my leaders, sunday instructors and fellow members stand as we often attempt to straddle the line so we don’t offend. But instead we are leaving so many confused and swimming in the grey! The church media hasn’t helped. What is happening at BYU in Provo is alarming. I do agree that posting the rainbow banner does seems to be a symbol of announcing that “I’m not a hater“ instead of standing up and saying” I am a believer” in loving all my brothers and sisters while doing our best to support The Proclamation to the world on the doctrine of The Family. We would do better to raise a banner the would unite all (instead of divide us) “in the name of our God, country and our families!” Thank you for this well written plea to seek out those who live with same sex attraction and strive to keep their covenants and also the reminder that we can love one another but also to keep our footing in the doctrines and expectations of God.
MaryKaren SolomonJune 9, 2022
Br. Bennion, thank you defending what is an unfortunately unpopular stand right now. We need to love our LGBT brothers and sisters, and accept them into fellowship. However, I know from my own experience the following the covenant path will help keep a couple together. I married a bisexual man when I was young; we had been counseled by church authorities to trust each other and get married if we loved each other. We both received testimonies that we should marry each other, and we did, in the temple. For the first few years , we remained very active in the LDS Church, and things went well. We had a daughter together, and three years later, a son. At that time, my husband started experiencing same-sex attraction and was in faithful to me. Our bishop counseled my spouse and worked with him regularly. It was a great help to him! Then we moved to South Carolina and I became pregnant again, and my husband had worries and concerns that caused him to act out on same-sex feelings again. This time our bishop was not supportive; he scheduled a church court, and my husband was disfellowshipped. I was at the court as a witness for my husband, and I do not feel it was a court of love. I feel it was a court of disgust, and I think he felt the same way, because he then became inactive and fell away from the church. He became interested in Christian science and we attended the LDS church one week and Christian science church the next. Our lives begin to fall apart and in three years he was out of the church, and we were divorced. I raised the children on my own, and they were not close to him, even though we made efforts to see him every year. He lived a gay life, and it was a lonely one. I can't help but feel it would've been a much more fulfilling life for him, had he stayed faithful to his covenants and resisted same-sex temptations. I greatly appreciate your taking the Church's stance seriously, because I feel it is the only pathway that can help marriages to work and keep families together.
CASJune 9, 2022
There are some strong opinions cited here. I share mine. I believe and adhere to the Proclamaition of the Family and all that it promotes. I believe that God created man and woman for the purpose of bringing children in the world and creating a family unit within the confines of matrimony and building that man and woman's healthy sexuality which binds them together. I believe in the covenants that we renew in the temple every time we attend. Today there are too many ideas out there today that want to destroy the family unit. That's Satan's plan. This is very disturbing to me. And, Susan, a possible response to your granddaughter could be: The only flag we fly is the Stars and Stripes for the United States of America to which we adhere!
John PetersenJune 9, 2022
Excellent, excellent thinking and reasoning and explaining. As you wrote, "There is more than one way to foster inclusion and compassion." I have struggled with my own experience in loving and accepting LGBTQ people, although I have family members who struggle with same sex attraction and I have no problem loving them. But I could never plant a rainbow flag in my yard or march in a Gay Pride parade. I loved the way you encouraged more acceptance of the Proclamation on the Family than the societal river currents of LGBTQ acceptance. Well thought out and so well explained.
CarolJune 9, 2022
I have written to personnel at the Deseret News regarding their allowing attacks on the Church and their support of policies that the Church opposes. I have gotten no response. If Church-owned media does not support the doctrines of the Church, why do they even exist? We need a supportive media voice, not another Expositor or Tribune. Everyone needs to listen to Elder Holland's talk to BYU faculty again. We cannot let "love" and "tolerance" be mistaken for approval of ideologies that oppose God's plan.
ShaunaJune 9, 2022
Thank you Br. Bennion, for your steadfast commitment to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. You are inspiring and so brave. Your voice is SO needed in this conversation and I am hopeful that the dominant, monolithic narrative surrounding either "choosing the Church, or choosing to be LGBTQ--or 'authentic'" can be expanded and challenged, as you demonstrate. Thanks for as Paul says, "fighting the good fight and for keeping the faith."
BennyJune 9, 2022
A really outstanding article and analysis of the tropic. As a church member who is experiencing same sex attraction myself I can affirm every sentence in this article. I have nothing in common with the LGBTQ movement. But I have a lot in common with people who are also struggling with same-sex attraction. And especially as a member of our church it is hard to have same sex attractions. I know the covenant path. I know the plan of happiness. As somebody who has been experiencing same sex attractions his whole life I know that certain things like a marriage are highly unlikely for me to ever experience in my mortal life. Of course I know what apostles and prophets have said. I know that ultimately no blessings will be kept from me. But as with so many others who are also experiencing same-sex attractions that does not help all the time. So showing me a rainbow flag will not help in any way. It does however show me that the person who is showing this flag to me should maybe invest a little bit more time in searching out what this flag and its movement is really all about. So yes it is well meant. But it is not good. What does indeed help is showing affection, showing love, and showing interest. This is best done in a personal way and not by showing off some symbols. Everybody has his own burdens. But knowing that the one thing that is so important in the plan of happiness cannot be reached in my mortal life is a very, very, very heavy burden. Every day in my life I am thinking about whether or not my Heavenly Father loves me. Because one of the most central parts of the plan of happiness is kept from me. So I would appreciate if other members of our church recognize the struggle and sympathize with it. If somebody is doing this most certainly love and understanding will come out of it.
J.T. McKayJune 9, 2022
Thank you for the reminder that the "covenant path" is the path of happiness -- for everyone, regardless of orientation. Love and kindness are essential, but any response that leads away from the covenant path will always dilute our happiness -- both in this life and in the next. Your efforts to point this out are deeply appreciated.
Harold RustJune 9, 2022
Thank you for such a heart-felt and well-expressed view on a subject that is so often pressed down to a simple "are you a good person or not" rather than "I will respect you but I also have fundamental teachings I believe are sacred and true". The waving of a pride flag or the displaying of a "I love..." sign may to some seem like an appropriate way to support others. I see it as more likely an indicator the individual is trying to "prove" how kind and wonderful they are and it smacks of self-centered marketing of "rightenous") . For example, what if all of a sudden a large percentage of the U.S. population saw a great advantage in showing they were great supporters of "Mormons" and started displaying signs our their lawn that read , "I love Mormons. If you don't, you have something wrong with you". Would we feel better about our membership in the Church and would this show of support lead us to believe they really did understand us and were genuinely interested in our spiritual welfare? Or would it highlight a sense of opportunism on their part because they sensed the wind was blowing in the direction of helping themselves look better if they showed "love" of Mormons? Something to think about for those who want to gush over the 'brave souls' now coming out of the closet. Be respectful and understanding, but be thoughtful about how to display that respect.
Trish NordstromJune 9, 2022
It's a very long article and at the end I still don't know what is expected of "straights" in relation to "gays." So many of us "feel damned if we do and damned if we don't" in our behavior. It's exhausting.
BrookeJune 9, 2022
Thank you for being brave enough to be this voice. I am deeply moved. God bless you and strengthen on your journey.
ScottJune 9, 2022
I found this article to be very refreshing as I have been confused by much of the LDS media, while still feeling that there was a conflict between true doctrine and permissiveness in the name love. The author has put into words what I have only had in unexpressed thoughts. Thank you. As an aside I would say that it is unfortunate that this was not published far enough ahead of the North Star Conference to bring attention to it before the day that it began.
LindaJune 9, 2022
4thanks for a great article!
BruceJune 9, 2022
Finally a voice of well thought-out reason in a wasteland of misinformation and distortion.
Michael ChandlerJune 9, 2022
A well reasoned article that explains the tyranny of so-called ‘progressive’ politics, that does not allow for different beliefs and perspectives. Jeff’s focuses on sexuality, but the same can be said for any of the social controversies in our culture; abortion, homelessness, critical race theory, etc. All of our current social maladies have been enhanced by ‘progressive’ solutions that fail to see problems truthfully and obstruct fair discussion of the problems. It is the great a spacious building occupants pointing their fingers and deriding the seekers of truth, and too often the lovers of truth get embarrassed and turn away from the truth. Better that we give them no heed.
Momof6June 9, 2022
I read your article and it really is how I feel about the whole situation. I have two daughters who have found an aspect of the church unrelated to denounce and therefore condone their lifestyle choice because the church “couldn’t possibly be true”. That’s a different story than yours completely but hearing your story gives me hope that things could turn out someday. The one thing that I would suggest editing out is the name of specific people and pointing out why their way of choosing to live the lifestyle doesn’t work. I think it would be fine to list specific examples of issues that may make it hard to stay a faithful church member, but naming people outright is inappropriate. Thank you for your article. I do like your perspective and admire how you are trying to be faithful in the church teachings.
Mardonne NeimanJune 9, 2022
Thank you dear brother for your clear and thoughtful message, and shared with us as one who stands for the doctrine of the church and strives to keep his covenants. Elder Bednar has shown us how to answer questions by quoting doctrine. His pattern has made a clear and simple pattern for faithful members to follow. When asked at the National Press Club, Can you envision a day when LGBTQ Church members can marry and be sealed within the Church? He quoted the proclamation. “We believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God, and that the family is central to the Father’s plan for the eternal destiny and happiness of his children.” Whether single, married, divorced, widowed, LGBQT+, we "further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife." We believe in the promises that we can overcome the world through the atonement of Jesus Christ and receive eternal life.
LindaJune 9, 2022
Wow! What an outstanding, well written article with a refreshing perspective. I haven't delved deeply enough into this subject to recognize the communication complexities involved. Thank you for your enlightening us to a better way of approaching and viewing this tender topic. I believe so many of us have family or friends that are same gender attracted that we have become so focused on accepting them that we inadvertently abandoned our own highly valued principles. What a delema! I shall continue to ponder your well expressed thoughts and suggestions. THANK YOU!!!
Susan RoylanceJune 9, 2022
I am grateful for this article, for Jeff's willingness to speak out in a very helpful way. When children ask (as did my 9 yr old granddaughter), what is "pride" -- and why don't we want a rainbow flag in our yard -- what do we say? Are we teaching the children that becoming gay or lesbian, or choosing to be transgender, is OK? That choosing to not have children, or promoting physical changes to a body, to change the appearance of a different sex, and taking dangerous medicines, will assure that that person will not have biological children. It's the ultimate effort by Satan to destroy the family unit.
Virginia GowerJune 9, 2022
Jeff is right on target about Deseret News, Deseret Book and KSL. Is there anyone who we could contact to complain about the rubbish these 3 come up with. And it's not just about LGBT - also their political views and commentary on other subjects. I'm over 70 years old and I'm not alone. I only get online to read the Church News because you can't believe what you read in the Deseret News and KSL.
BryanJune 9, 2022
Bravo, bravo, bravo! The DNews and other LDS owned media left the reservation long ago. Just as ‘white guilt’ affects people’s actions towards blacks and other peoples of color, so ‘heterosexual guilt’ makes people think they need to show acceptance of behavior directly in opposition to divinely revealed gospel principles. Too many in the church think they are being Christlike in advocating for or supporting homosexual behavior. Instead they are being deceived by Satan and dragging others down with them.
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