It seems that there are a lot of confused people regarding this issue.
First, we were NEVER commanded to forget! Look up some talks from the general authorities on the topic of forgiveness. They NEVER say that forgetting what someone did to us is required. Forgiveness is required. Forgetting is not.
Second, forgiveness and trust are two TOTALLY different issues! I can forgive someone their trespasses against me (as I'm required). But that doesn't mean that I have to give that person my trust again! That's just stupid and puts me in a position to be hurt again, maybe even worse. God does not require that of us. If that person is sincere in their efforts to regain my trust, then THEY need to do the work to earn it.
Glen DanielsenApril 18, 2017
I think Geoff Steurer hits nails right on the head in this article. So incisive.
Wiser than beforeApril 15, 2017
Forgetting and forgiving go together only in the Lord. Most of the time we must forgive without forgetting the incident. What we forget, or rather what we no longer feel, is the pain thanks to the healing power of Christ through His atonement. Remembering helps us be wise and helps us progress. It also helps us really forgive. Forgetting makes forgiveness unnecessary!
The Lord commands us to forgive each other as we hope and expect He will forgive us. This means allowing others to move beyond their mistakes and weaknesses and progress. Thank goodness God does this for us or we'd never have a chance. I don't know anyone who is anywhere close to perfect, least of all me. Forgiving others gives me hope for myself. I need plenty.
Remember nomoreApril 14, 2017
I don't entirely agree with this article. If a friend were to ask me the same question I would honestly say it's completely normal, but please remember it no more. Instead always remember how your Savior has helped you heal. I know our Savior has felt that pain you have felt and can offer you peace. If that healing is not yet complete, seek it out. If you need reminders of how He helped you forgive once, ask for it. God bless you for your strength, your character, your example and your devotion to your family. You are saving many souls as you strive to overcome this adversity, days can get dark, but hold onto the light and hope you have felt. Always hold on to hope. Also remember if you struggle to trust your spouse you can completely trust your Father in Heaven, He will let you know if you should be worried about trusting your spouse. Unfortunately we will always be reminded of our spouses mistakes it's the world we live in, but hopefully you are surrounded by just as many reminders of how your Savior helped you forgive and heal. If you don't see enough reminders of the later, make some changes, ask God what you can do. I suspect your spouse remembers too but is trying really hard to prove to you they are worthy of your trust again. Having said this I wonder if I am advocating withholding true feelings from your spouse just to avoid hurting them? In which case is this deceit? May be they wonder why you don't ask more questions. Okay obviously I am confused, or maybe I've been studying too much psychology and not enough scriptures, because that is the only reason I critically evaluated myself in the last comments. I stick to my original thoughts. I just hope when we die, something miraculous happens and it no longer haunts us. I keep reminding myself I have forgiven him, but every business trip he goes on, I still find myself wondering can I completely trust him.
Edith WhertonApril 14, 2017
either this guy is a better person than me or hes a first class chump. there is no way on this good green earth i could ever forgive cheating especially if i had had a temple marriage. ok im not perfect. but why is it that people who hurt their partners and their kids and who are essentially liars and cheats think we should forgive and forget. maybe Heavenly Father can do that. but i seriously have a problem. and if you cant forget you really havent forgiven.
Reg RetsApril 14, 2017
I am one that violated that trust. A moment rarely passes that I am not filled with remorse. Nearly five years later I still cry inside, sometimes outwardly too. Fortunately, I am blessed with a spouse that stayed with me. However, I am still striving for the peace Elder Bednar mentioned, "the results of sincere repentance are peace of conscience, comfort, and spiritual healing and renewal.”[ii] This renewal comes not only to the one who violated their covenants, but can also come to the injured partner and the marriage." I hope and pray that my beloved spouse will one day feel peace again and know that I shudder at the thought of ever violating that trust again.
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BrookeMay 25, 2017
It seems that there are a lot of confused people regarding this issue. First, we were NEVER commanded to forget! Look up some talks from the general authorities on the topic of forgiveness. They NEVER say that forgetting what someone did to us is required. Forgiveness is required. Forgetting is not. Second, forgiveness and trust are two TOTALLY different issues! I can forgive someone their trespasses against me (as I'm required). But that doesn't mean that I have to give that person my trust again! That's just stupid and puts me in a position to be hurt again, maybe even worse. God does not require that of us. If that person is sincere in their efforts to regain my trust, then THEY need to do the work to earn it.
Glen DanielsenApril 18, 2017
I think Geoff Steurer hits nails right on the head in this article. So incisive.
Wiser than beforeApril 15, 2017
Forgetting and forgiving go together only in the Lord. Most of the time we must forgive without forgetting the incident. What we forget, or rather what we no longer feel, is the pain thanks to the healing power of Christ through His atonement. Remembering helps us be wise and helps us progress. It also helps us really forgive. Forgetting makes forgiveness unnecessary! The Lord commands us to forgive each other as we hope and expect He will forgive us. This means allowing others to move beyond their mistakes and weaknesses and progress. Thank goodness God does this for us or we'd never have a chance. I don't know anyone who is anywhere close to perfect, least of all me. Forgiving others gives me hope for myself. I need plenty.
Remember nomoreApril 14, 2017
I don't entirely agree with this article. If a friend were to ask me the same question I would honestly say it's completely normal, but please remember it no more. Instead always remember how your Savior has helped you heal. I know our Savior has felt that pain you have felt and can offer you peace. If that healing is not yet complete, seek it out. If you need reminders of how He helped you forgive once, ask for it. God bless you for your strength, your character, your example and your devotion to your family. You are saving many souls as you strive to overcome this adversity, days can get dark, but hold onto the light and hope you have felt. Always hold on to hope. Also remember if you struggle to trust your spouse you can completely trust your Father in Heaven, He will let you know if you should be worried about trusting your spouse. Unfortunately we will always be reminded of our spouses mistakes it's the world we live in, but hopefully you are surrounded by just as many reminders of how your Savior helped you forgive and heal. If you don't see enough reminders of the later, make some changes, ask God what you can do. I suspect your spouse remembers too but is trying really hard to prove to you they are worthy of your trust again. Having said this I wonder if I am advocating withholding true feelings from your spouse just to avoid hurting them? In which case is this deceit? May be they wonder why you don't ask more questions. Okay obviously I am confused, or maybe I've been studying too much psychology and not enough scriptures, because that is the only reason I critically evaluated myself in the last comments. I stick to my original thoughts. I just hope when we die, something miraculous happens and it no longer haunts us. I keep reminding myself I have forgiven him, but every business trip he goes on, I still find myself wondering can I completely trust him.
Edith WhertonApril 14, 2017
either this guy is a better person than me or hes a first class chump. there is no way on this good green earth i could ever forgive cheating especially if i had had a temple marriage. ok im not perfect. but why is it that people who hurt their partners and their kids and who are essentially liars and cheats think we should forgive and forget. maybe Heavenly Father can do that. but i seriously have a problem. and if you cant forget you really havent forgiven.
Reg RetsApril 14, 2017
I am one that violated that trust. A moment rarely passes that I am not filled with remorse. Nearly five years later I still cry inside, sometimes outwardly too. Fortunately, I am blessed with a spouse that stayed with me. However, I am still striving for the peace Elder Bednar mentioned, "the results of sincere repentance are peace of conscience, comfort, and spiritual healing and renewal.”[ii] This renewal comes not only to the one who violated their covenants, but can also come to the injured partner and the marriage." I hope and pray that my beloved spouse will one day feel peace again and know that I shudder at the thought of ever violating that trust again.
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