Honestly had to laugh. This is your worst family problem? You are lucky indeed.
Having been prescribed some medicine in the past that caused nightmares (which were unusual for me), when I talked to the Dr. about it he said it could cause "vivid dreams". I said it's nightmares. didn't take that medicine any more. something to check!
The last paragraph of your excellent response was the most important. Get her into some counseling or other professional help. She is dealing with things from the past and putting her husband's face on it. There is NO WAY he can "prove" her dreams wrong, and the possibility exists that she will use these dreams to control and manipulate her husband -- the harder he tries to prove he is innocent the louder she will proclaim his guilt and make him "pay" for what she believes he has or will do. I've been there. Counseling was the only thing that worked.
My husband used to get upset with me when he had similar dreams. I pointed out to him that he plays every part or person in his dreams, that it's not actually me. Once he realized this, he was able to let it go.
I can only respond to that in one way. I've been there and done that, bought the T shirt and wore it out.
I would wake up in the morning and greet her with a "good morning". The answer would be a growl followed with a few "expletives deleted" and accusations that I was "cheating, or planning to, etc.
My usual response was to say, "Its still early, wanna fool around". This would be followed by another growl and silence. I would then add that I still loved her anyway. About half the time the silence would end with an OK.
I can't remember where I read this (not exact wording) thought, but I do think it's true. "Those who complain are really just looking for reassurance".
If we can remember this when in situations similar to this gentleman's problem with his wife's insecurities, then hopefully we can diffuse some problems from getting bigger by comforting the person who is complaining.
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