On the First Day of Christmas Relief Society
Assigned me a nut in a tree.
When I tried to pay a visit
She shot me in the knee
Service is not always easy.
On the Second Day of Christmas Relief Society
Gave me twenty toddlers
Including seven dawdlers
To babysit for mothers like me.
On the Third Day of Christmas Relief Society
Had me teach 3 workshops
Babysit an army
And visit teach a nut in a tree.
On the Fourth Day of Christmas they asked
Me to help clean
four messy houses
Some containing mouses
Others are the worst that you’ve seen.
On the Fifth Day of Christmas I had to
Bake and take
FIVE CASSEROLES!
Women having babies,
Crises, husbands in the clink
It’s enough to drive a Mormon to drink!
On the sixth Day of Christmas
I somehow cooked the ham
For six funerals!
You think I am joking,
But here I am just soaking
In glaze you make with homemade peach jam.
On the seventh Day of Christmas I heard
From Ashley Mills
“Please drive Sister Shanna
Somewhere in Montana
I couldn’t get ahold of Kim Bills.”
On the eighth Day of Christmas
I called a hundred homes
Asking how they’re voting
All responses noting
Half of them are voting for gnomes.
On the ninth Day of Christmas I learned
How to crochet
Imagine my elation!
Helping out the nation
Finally my eyes crossed
Some of my vision’s lost,
But they say I’ll be okay any day
On the tenth day of Christmas
I worked the cannery
Stuffing cans with chicken
Till we all were sicken
But at least reduced my fannery
On the eleventh day of Christmas
I finally am there!
A year’s supply of chocolate—
Two year’s supply of chocolate—
An eternity of chocolate–
Well you have to start somewhere.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
I’m trying to be brief,
I wondered where was all the relief?
A miracle existed
To rescue you and me—
I finally got Caller I.D.!
Joni Hilton is the author of several books.
