On the First Day of Christmas Relief Society

Assigned me a nut in a tree.

When I tried to pay a visit

She shot me in the knee

Service is not always easy.


On the Second Day of Christmas Relief Society

Gave me twenty toddlers

Including seven dawdlers

To babysit for mothers like me.


On the Third Day of Christmas Relief Society

Had me teach 3 workshops

Babysit an army

And visit teach a nut in a tree.


On the Fourth Day of Christmas they asked

Me to help clean

four messy houses

Some containing mouses

Others are the worst that you’ve seen.


On the Fifth Day of Christmas I had to

Bake and take


Women having babies,

Crises, husbands in the clink

It’s enough to drive a Mormon to drink!


On the sixth Day of Christmas

I somehow cooked the ham

For six funerals!

You think I am joking,

But here I am just soaking

In glaze you make with homemade peach jam.


On the seventh Day of Christmas I heard

From Ashley Mills

“Please drive Sister Shanna

Somewhere in Montana

I couldn’t get ahold of Kim Bills.”



On the eighth Day of Christmas

I called a hundred homes

Asking how they’re voting

All responses noting

Half of them are voting for gnomes.


On the ninth Day of Christmas I learned

How to crochet

Imagine my elation!

Helping out the nation

Finally my eyes crossed

Some of my vision’s lost,

But they say I’ll be okay any day


On the tenth day of Christmas

I worked the cannery

Stuffing cans with chicken

Till we all were sicken

But at least reduced my fannery


On the eleventh day of Christmas

I finally am there!

A year’s supply of chocolate—

Two year’s supply of chocolate—

An eternity of chocolate–

Well you have to start somewhere.


On the twelfth day of Christmas,

I’m trying to be brief,

I wondered where was all the relief?

A miracle existed

To rescue you and me—

I finally got Caller I.D.!

Joni Hilton is the author of several books.