Behind the Smiling Faces
Behind the Smiling Faces is a new book, written by Renita and Alan Cassidy that yields a fascinating examination of marriage and divorce among Latter-day Saints. A large percentage of marriages, including Latter-day Saint marriages, end in divorce. The Cassidys are among these statistics. Their project, which became Behind the Smiling Faces , began after the painful aftermath of their own failed temple marriages. In a church that believes in eternal marriage, they asked, why is it that many couples don’t stay together? And how does a person know when to marry or divorce? These probing questions led to four years of research and over fifty interviews with credentialed professionals. Making no claim to be marriage experts, the Cassidys simply set out on a path of discovery to explore the reasons for their own divorces. They asked prominent LDS experts to share what they have learned through education, careers, research, and personal experience. These professionals provide a straightforward discussion of gender differences, giving and receiving love, accountability, expectations, personality differences (and disorders), communication, physical intimacy, and selfishness, as well as tackling the heavy subjects of spousal abuse, pornography, homosexuality, and infidelity. The Cassidys found that behind every smiling Latter-day Saint face are stories – some happy, some not. They also discovered “an alarming lack of preparation for marriage, as well as a lack of skills necessary for marital success.” The need for a truthful, in-depth look at LDS marriage and divorce fueled the authors’ desire to create this book. Paul Brandt, author of Alone But Not Lonely , described the Cassidys’ book as “long overdue.” Renita and Alan became better acquainted while writing their book and eventually fell in love and were married. Behind the Smiling Faces is a book that can offer help to several audiences – those considering marriage, struggling in marriage, and those contemplating divorce. A Cautionary Tale I must state upfront that this book is not for the faint of heart. It is a cautionary tale of the most realistic sort. It is challenging, disturbing, and makes you uncomfortable. But it does provide an honest and open window into the lives of many faithful LDS individuals who have struggled to make marriage successful. If you are looking for heart-warming stories, humor, and a slew of ideas on how to better your own spousal relationship, this is not the book. If you already have a satisfying and happy marriage, you may want to read it so you can help loved ones in difficult situations. I recommend it to bishops and other priesthood leaders who spend much time counseling and advising members. And if you are looking to marry, come to the book with faith and optimism, absorbing general guidance and advice, but maintaining a sense of encouragement and hope about marriage. It will help you manage your expectations. Without circumspection and vigilance, however, the numerous personal accounts in the book have potential to be discouraging. Even the Cassidys offer a word of caution. They felt that several men and women from failed marriages in devastating destinations had voices that deserved to be heard. They explain,
I must have fallen into the “particularly sensitive soul” category because by the end of the book I wasn’t sure I could handle one more anecdote about a failed marriage or family. But I did find the Q &A section with experts to be extremely helpful. These professionals offer informed perspectives that are eye-opening. Their counsel is pointed, and all of them seem to be living what they preach. They have happy marriages. But their success has not come without conscious effort and work. John L. Lund, PhD, who wrote the foreword states, “You either married your greatest challenge in life or gave birth to it.” He recommends the book for “every soul in search of hope and improved realistic expectations for happiness in this life.” Exceptional Advice Here are some bits of exceptional advice we don’t hear often enough. The language is conversational because it is taken directly from an interview setting. The excerpts are intended to give you an idea of the book’s content, as well as a sense of the realistic and candid way in which marriage issues are approached. In a discussion about personality “colors” or types, Taylor Hartman, PhD, responds to the question below.
Hartman then points out that “charactered” people notice the good in personality types that are different from their own and try to adopt those traits. This makes a more well-rounded person, a person more likely to succeed in marriage. In a chapter about learning marriage skills, Kenneth Matheson responds to this summary question.
In a discussion with Brent Barlow, PhD, about why marriages fail, Barlow explains the following.
It is estimated that half of all women in the United States have been assaulted or abused by their husbands or boyfriends, and that every fifteen seconds a woman is beaten in America (McCann & Wagner, 1994). That is halting information. In an interview with Betty McMaster called “Silent Screams,” the Cassidys ask some poignant questions.
The Cassidys go on to discuss why some LDS women stay with abusive men. McMaster sites three reasons: 1-For the children. 2- Because they were married in the temple, made covenants, and thus can forgive a great deal. 3 – Fear. McMaster also talks about warning signs that may indicate future abuse.
This final excerpt is from an interview with Matt Townsend, a divorce mediator.
In general, the book helps readers recognize the crucial elements to making marriage work, what red flags to look for before marriage, and, most importantly, how to seek the Spirit in making final decisions – whether to marry, stay in a marriage, or end a marriage. Each contributor points out that God knows best when it comes to relationships. Sometimes a marriage that appears unsalvageable, remains intact and improved when two partners pray, follow the inspiration received, and commit to change. In Retrospect In their concluding chapter, the Cassidys report what they learned during the course of writing Behind the Smiling Faces . Here are some of there observations.
Behind the Smiling Faces is a book that needed to be written. Although troubling and difficult in much of its subject matter, it is an honest and truthful perspective. It has potential to help many individuals get appropriate professional help or make changes on their own. It will act as guide to improving mediocre marriages and as aid to singles in their quest to find the right person to marry. I am glad I spent time in its pages discovering and reinforcing gospel truths, that if applied, can make marriage the most joyous journey now and for eternity. A special thanks to Renita and Alan Cassidy for taking on such a challenging project and for candidly sharing their path of personal discovery with us. No Comments | Post or read comments FEATURES |
May 25, 2026
May 25, 2026
