Spring is a time of fresh new beginnings. What better time than now to make our marriage, our spouse and that intimate relationship a little higher priority in our lives.
The Power of Sexual Connection in Marriage
Women have an untapped power that can be awakened when they embrace and cultivate their sexuality for its full expression within marriage.
A man once linked to something on my website about wives learning to embrace their God-given sexuality and titled it, “How Women Could Rule the World.” It makes me wonder if there are forces at play to keep women from awakening to the godly power they possess.
That power flows into a marriage when the sexual relationship is strong and good. There’s a power that comes to both the husband and the wife in their individual pursuits as a result of having a mutually fulfilling intimate relationship.
Why We Don’t Make Sex a Higher Priority
For many women their sexuality is a low priority. It’s not like it’s something women are socialized to embrace. There still exists much of the “good girls don’t” mentality—even after marriage. The following are some of the reasons we don’t make sexual passion a higher priority in our lives:
We don’t think it’s that important. Some women see their husbands as over-sexed instead of realizing that lovemaking is one of the most effective ways for a husband to feel loved. Men regularly rate sex as a high priority in their marriage, but often feel that it is much less important to their wives.
The following illustrates some of the paradox between what women do to express their love and what their husbands really want and need:
“My wife has basically given up on having a healthy intimate relationship with me. But to fill that void she goes out of her way to perform all of her other wifely duties. She keeps a meticulously clean house, is a fantastic cook, and in every other way is amazing. What frustrates me is that although those things are important I would ten-times rather have an affectionate, loving relationship with my wife than any of those other things.”
Sex is a team sport. It’s not a solitary activity. If sex is a priority for one spouse, then sex must be a priority for the other. It requires not only our physical body, but also a willing heart and mind.
Relationship Issues. Since physical attraction tends to flow from emotional connection for many women, the state of the marital relationship has a lot to do with the priority given to sexual intimacies.
Tending to the relationship in non-sexual ways, such as date night, sharing positive thoughts and feelings, and engaging in affectionate touch can do much to heal and/or reconnect the relationship.
We’re so busy. We live in a busy world. We often get so busy with our homes, and kids, and work, etc. that it’s hard to find the time to make intimacy and passion a priority. Yet, we all find time for the things that are important to us.
Sometimes we just need to declutter our lives, and find a few “unnecessaries” that can be removed from our daily schedule. What are a few things you could take off your plate in order to make a little more room for you and your spouse?
In order to make passion a higher priority we need to learn to say “No” to some things, so that we can redirect that time and energy to spending intimate time with our spouse. Maybe even cutting back on one TV show, or turning off the computer by a certain time at night could help.
Stress. Another reason for letting lovemaking languish is stress. For men sex is often a stress reliever, but for women they tend to need to be relaxed before then can easily engage.
When sex is a personal priority, and is seen as part of one’s wholeness and aliveness then sex can be a great de-stressor. If it’s just another thing on your to-do list, then it may just add to your stress.
Why Make Passion a Priority
Making passion a priority is not just for your husband. It’s also for you. Some of the benefits of making your intimate relationship a higher priority are that it will awaken your senses and make you feel more whole and more fully alive.
. . . . . Physical touch alone has healing powers.
Making passion a priority is not just for your husband’s sake, or for your sake. It’s also for the sake of your children. Women tend to be motivated by things that benefit their children. It would be difficult to come up with anything that would benefit children more than providing them with the strong foundation of securely connected parents.
Making passion a priority also shows your children what it looks like to have a good, strong, happy marriage. Setting that example makes it easier for them to create a strong marriage for themselves in the future.
The return on making your intimate relationship a higher priority is great. Do it for your spouse, do it for yourself, and do it for your kids!