Ron’s Journey

President Russell M. Nelson told us to think celestial and said, “As I have wrestled with the intense pain caused by my recent injury, I have felt even deeper appreciation for Jesus Christ and the incomprehensible gift of His atonement. Think of it! The Savior suffered ‘pains and afflictions, and temptations of every kind’ so that he can comfort us, and heal and rescue us in times of need. Jesus Christ described his experience in Gethsemane, and on Calvary: ‘which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore.’  My injury has caused me to reflect again and again on the greatness of the Holy One of Israel.  During my healing, the Lord has manifested his divine power in peaceful and unmistakable ways.”

I can identify with this idea. 2 1/2 years ago, I was hiking on a mountain about two miles from my home. I arrived at a cliff face I had climbed several times before. As I got to a spot about 20 feet from the bottom, the rock edge I was standing on, broke off. I fell backward, then pushed myself about two feet away from the rock face, so I would land on my feet. When I hit the bottom, I landed on loose rock at a steep angle. The rock slid in a rock slide, and I tumbled backward, head over heels, finally stopping upside down in an oak brush.

I was badly hurt, bleeding from my head. I had a broken shoulder, a broken arm and ribs. I eased my way down the mountain and walked unsteadily to my car. I drove home, and then, later proceeded to have a grand mal seizure in my bedroom. Benjamin, our son, gave me a quick priesthood blessing in that moment that promised me I would live and get to medical help quickly. My wife, Bonnie, called 911 while my nephew, Cody, kept me alive doing CPR until the paramedics rushed me to the hospital.

I had a massive brain hemorrhage. It moved my brain off midline and severed all my pathways. The doctor performed surgery that night to relieve the pressure. I slipped into a three-month coma. To complicate things, I contracted, sepsis and pneumonia, while in my coma, and nearly died. When I awoke, I was paralyzed on the left side of my body. My right side was able to move somewhat, but my muscle groups had no memory of how to work together. I could not sit up, walk or turn over. I could not swallow or eat. I was kept alive with a feeding tube. I would have to relearn how to do everything, starting over again.

The physical therapy rehab would not admit me into their program. Based on their examination, they said I would never walk again. They wanted to send me to a rest home. Bonnie received clear inspiration that she should take me home to care for me there. She thought I would die in the rest home. The doctor told Bonnie that I would die, if she took me home. They said there was no way that she could do what a 24/7 nursing staff could do. She had to sign papers that stated she would be responsible for my death by taking me out of the facility.

On July 7, 2021 Bonnie brought me home. At this point, I did not know who Bonnie was, or our children, but bringing me home, where I was in a familiar place, my memory started coming back to me. After I returned home, it was not till later that I realized how brave Bonnie had been. She followed inspiration from the Lord and went against the doctor’s orders. That’s what she’s like. She follows the voice of the Lord.

One day in the facility, she whispered to me that the spirit had told her the only way out of this is gratitude. I thought that was strange. Gratitude for what? Think about it. Gratitude for everything! I was grateful that I survived the initial fall for sure. I was grateful I could drive home. I was grateful. Bonnie had called 911. I was grateful for the excellent care I received in the hospital. I was grateful for the host of priesthood blessings given, promising me a favorable outcome. Although I could not get out of bed, I was grateful to be alive.

The last two years have been full of setbacks, difficulty, pain, six surgeries, loss, disappointment, and trauma. I’ve been asked by many people, how was I able to get through those dark and difficult days?

My injury has caused me to reflect again and again, when I don’t have control of my body I can still control my mind. President Nelson taught in the last conference that we should think celestial. One way to turn our thoughts to celestial thoughts is to express gratitude. What are you grateful for? You might be in a tough situation. Something has happened that disappointed you. An unexpected outcome didn’t turn out the way you had hoped. Given that, what are you grateful for?

It became apparent to me that to think celestial, was to be grateful for the blessings I had. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t go through this again, but I was able to go through this because of all those blessings. I began to realize as I prepared this talk, one way we can think celestial thoughts is to be grateful.

Gratitude literally fills us with light! Light dispels darkness and lies. Light is truth. Light is eternal. Gratitude is the fertile soil that grows the seeds of happiness, joy and peace. It also brings healing, comfort and rescue from life‘s most challenging problems, and our greatest afflictions.

This trial of the last two years has been very difficult. I express my gratitude that I can walk with a little help. I can think clearly. I can’t read for long periods of time, but I can read. I can talk and perhaps most importantly, I can listen. Our grandchildren, our children and their spouses have filled me with love, and been so thoughtful of my needs and Bonnie’s. I am grateful for their support.

I was praying one night, asking the Lord to help me and the spirit just overcame me. I heard a voice in my head. “Don’t worry, you’ll walk again.” We have seen miracles, many of them. It was a miracle I drove home. A miracle I had the medical help and assistance I needed. A miracle my family gathered around me and assisted and loved me. A miracle that all the people I needed to help me get better, showed up. We called them the dream team!  This included family members, physical therapists, nurses, CNA’s and friends who offered priesthood blessings to both me and Bonnie giving us renewed strength and the courage to exert active faith in the promised blessings.  Miracles of needing certain surgery’s and having dates open up out of thin air, providing the surgery in a timely manner rather than waiting for months. Miracles of being led to the only doctor in the whole state who knew how to perform the procedure that I needed to get over my UTI’s.

Miracles of angels being sent to protect, watch over, strengthen, lift us up, and give us encouragement. Their presence was keenly felt, and there was a steady flow of them in and out of our home.

I want you to know I love my Heavenly Father. I am grateful for the miracles. I believe with all my heart that my life was spared many times, for a purpose.  I pray that I can fulfill whatever purposes the Lord has in mind for me. I pray he will make me equal to the task.

Bonnie’s Journey

As I listened to Emily Belle Freeman’s  talk in conference entitled “Walking in Covenant Relationship with Christ,” it resonated in my heart.

She spoke of Enoch:

“When the Lord called Enoch to journey through the land and testify of him, Enoch hesitated. He was just a lad, slow of speech. How could he walk that path in his condition? He was blinded by what was broken in him. The Lord’s answer to what hindered him was simple and immediate; “walk with me”.  Like Enoch, we must remember that the one who was bruised and broken for us, will allow mortality to do its work in us, but he doesn’t ask us to face those challenges alone. No matter the heaviness of our story, or the current course of our path, he will invite us to walk with him.

“Think of the young man in a spot of trouble who met the Lord in a wilderness place. Jacob had journeyed far from home in the dark of night, he had a dream that not only contained a ladder, but also held significant covenant promises, including what I like to call the five finger promise. On that night, the Lord stood beside Jacob, introduced himself as the God of Jacob’s father, and then promised:

“-I am with you

“-I will keep you safe

“-I will bring you home again

“-I will not leave you

“-I will keep my promise to you

“Just as he did for Jacob, the Lord will answer each of us in our day of distress if we choose to tether our life with his, he has promised to walk with us in the way.

We call this walking the covenant path.  He invites each of us to come, as we are able, with the full purpose of heart, and to press forward with him at our side, trusting that his promised blessings will come.  Remember, it is not the course alone that will exalt us, it’s the companion, our Savior.”

I have sought to walk this covenant path, my whole life. But the last 2 1/2 years have tested and tried me to my very core and way beyond my limits.  It has been a crushing overwhelmingly difficult path, but it has also been divine, glorious and an honor to walk. The Lord asked me to walk with him, and I surely needed to, as I was in desperate need.  I felt as if my life had been ripped from me.  A beautiful life. A loving marriage, A wonderful family, 10 amazing children and their spouses and 27 grandchildren.   We had just started into our retirement years and had many plans about what we would do and where we would go–a mission being one of those desires. We had worked so hard to get there. And in a split second, everything changed.  I had many days of crippling fear and trauma watching my sweetheart suffer, and so much loss and grief I could hardly breathe.  My prayers became desperate pleadings, sacred communion and I felt indescribable connection with Heavenly Father and my Savior. I felt revelation flowing to me like never before. Instructing me. Encouraging me.  He gave me countless assurances whenever I needed them that:

-He was with me

-that he would never leave me

-That he would keep his promises to me

-That he would strengthen me

-That he would heal Ron

And so he has

As we have walked this covenant path we have walked towards the promises. We have both had so many priesthood blessings where many healing promises have been given. Our covenant relationship with him has taught us to trust God implicitly, even when the promised blessings looked impossible, and unlikely, and everything we saw, seemed to indicate that the promises would never be fulfilled.

Walking with Him was our only hope. He truly walked with us and sent a steady flow of angels to our constant aid. Our home became a sacred space, holy ground. Our temple covenants became an endowment of power and took on new meaning. We felt a deeper, more tender appreciation for the Savior and his atonement. I learned what it really meant to offer a broken heart… For my heart was broken and my spirit crushed.

My daily devotions are no longer a commitment to keep, a box to check off, but an absolutely necessary communion with heaven.

One of my greatest learnings came as I prayed and pleaded with Heavenly Father.  Ron had nine UTI’s that first year I had him home. Because he had already had sepsis once, they explained to me that he could very easily get it again, and in his weakened state it could take his life.  His life was literally in my hands, or so I thought.  God was really in control.  But these infections took me to a place of fear and trembling.

My greatest temptation was to feel sorry for myself. To ask, why has this happened to me?  Why has the Lord allowed this? What did I do wrong? Am I not worthy? These feelings led me down a dark, black hole, where the Spirit could not reside and the adversary’s lies were alive in my heart.  Anytime I thought of my own unmet needs, it would start me down this slippery slope.

One day in earnest prayer I heard a clear distinct voice,” Bonnie, the only way through this is gratitude.  He taught me that looking for the tender mercies along the way, puts you in a mindset that carries you and makes your faith operational. No matter the situation. The blessings will always be there. You have to set your mind’s dial to actively see them and look for them.  See the blessings, and the setbacks and bumps in the road will not seem so monumental. The Lord is able to bless you so much more when you have the Spirit and the spirit of gratitude. His hands are tied when you complain and lament and feel sorry for yourself.

Instead of thinking, why has this happened to my life, think instead what are the blessings and gifts coming because of this experience.? This takes a mature, humble heart. But that is the sacrifice God wants you to learn to make. You covenant to make that sacrifice in the temple. And it is the only thing you truly possess to give to God. Everything else is a gift. You have nothing else that is truly and uniquely yours to give.

So focus on being grateful and full of love and faith. God is able to bless you so much more abundantly in this frame of mind. It is healing. Here you look forward with an eye of faith. It is here that your faith is operational and makes things happen. God is always willing to bless and strengthen a grateful heart, Nephi was suffering the same wilderness challenges as Lehman and Lemuel. But his experience was so different than theirs. He looked forward with the eye of faith at the promised blessings. In fact he suffered more than they did, because they tried to kill him and made it difficult to build the ship. Nephi‘s mindset was gratitude for the blessings.

From then on, every morning I would pray, and count the many blessings and miracles and grace and mercy the Lord was showing unto us.  This helped me stay away from that deep, dark, black hole that was devoid of the spirit and full of darkness and lies.

Being grateful for what is unfolding in your life, right now is powerful! And then standing back, holding on, being still, and watching for the mighty miracles to unfold right before your eyes. His divine architecture is always perfectly timed and designed for our greatest growth. Deliverance comes every day, and every moment when we can feel and see the many blessings in our lives. This is letting God prevail. This is trusting Him. This is trusting His plan for you individually. This is being enfolded in his covenantal embrace.  We become His when we give our will and our whole heart to him. No matter how tumultuous the waters are around us. We can all have peace, joy, and gratitude in the midst of the storm.

I have walked this path I have been in the depths of despair and fear. And He was there to raise me up and put His loving arms around me. He showed me the wonders, and the miracles occurring, even in the midst of trauma and trials that felt too much to bear. He is the healer. He is the comforter He is our truest friend, our partner. He lives.

Brothers and sisters, I want to invite you to walk with Him in the covenant path more fully. With more purpose of heart and with real intent. I invite you to make your prayers more sincere and genuine. I invite you to listen for how He speaks to you and then record the inspiration He gives.

I want to share a poem by an unknown author: it’s called, “The Pattern He has Planned”

My life is but a weaving

Between my Lord and me;

I cannot choose the colors

He worketh steadily.

Ofttimes He weaveth sorrow

And I in foolish pride,

Forget that He seeth the upper,

And I the under side.

Not till the loom is silent

And the shuttles cease to fly,

Shall God unroll the canvas

And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful

In the Weaver’s skillful hand,

As the threads of gold and silver

In the pattern he has planned.

Whatever you are suffering, whatever you are struggling with, whatever fear, or doubt you are entertaining in your heart, whatever disability or health challenge, or whatever has broken your heart, or been a disappointment to you, no matter what the challenge is, no matter what you have lost, I testify that the Lord is there with you, in the fire, when you seek him out. He will guide you and he will enfold you in his covenantal embrace. He will give you revelation upon revelation, as you seek him in humility and meekness. He will help you overcome everything. He will make you pure and sanctify your heart. I testify of Him. I testify of His ability to deliver, to comfort, to strengthen, and to heal you.  He is real. I know this of myself.  He desires you to come unto Him.  I testify of His incalculable love for you.