Line upon Line

Waiting to check out at Sprouts grocery store, I was a bit chagrined that the checkout lines were so long. I had dropped in the store, despite a busy schedule, just to pick up a couple of items. They only had two check-out clerks working, the holiday was almost upon us, and the lines were longer than I had anticipated. I was obviously going to be late for my upcoming zoom call. I was peeved.

Finally reaching the checkout table, I started loading my few groceries onto the conveyor belt. I was surprised when the man behind me asked me how I planned to cook the unusual cut of meat I was buying. I turned to look back at him He was smiling broadly. A bit perturbed at the intrusion, I quickly explained how I hoped to cook the cut. Clearly impressed, he said, “Oh that sounds delicious!” He then asked me about the unusual squash I had picked up. His smile and enthusiasm were contagious. We began talking and laughing. My mood brightened considerably.

As my turn to be checked out arrived, and he was able to start putting his groceries on the belt, the checkout person noticed him. Ignoring me completely, she came alive greeting him cheerily and profusely. He responded back to her with equal enthusiasm, greeting her by name. Within seconds the other checkout clerk noticed him and called over a warm welcome to him. He also greeted her by name. He complimented her holiday earrings. She glowed.

As I exited the store, I thought about how one friendly person had brightened three “strangers” that day. Only, I was clearly the only stranger. This guy had already created friendships with the checkout clerks — the same checkout clerks, that I’m sure I must have seen multiple times, since I shop at that store pretty regularly.

Back in my car I mused about the opportunities for friendship that I had been missing by my careless assuming that strangers are simply that: strangers. He had discovered that strangers are only an opportunity for another friendship. I thought about my non-member friends who often greet the server at the local coffee shop where they stop in to get their morning coffee. They talk as if the guy is a personal confidant, who they look forward to seeing every morning before heading off to work, or after they’ve dropped off their kids at school. I had to wonder, have I been missing opportunities for friendship?

And what if I have? What does it matter? I have just finished reading a captivating New York Times bestseller by Arthur C. Brooks, From Strength to Strength. It explores what he calls “the second half of life.” As we age and head towards retirement, many people become less productive, less engaged, and more isolated, while others seem to blossom in surprising ways. Brooks examines what makes the difference.

Interestingly, research shows that the biggest difference in how people respond to changes as they age depends mostly on their number of good friends. The more people they are connected to and the stronger their circle of friends, the more meaningful and fuller their lives grow as they get older.

The old advertising AT&T ditty flitted into my mind, Reach out, reach out and touch someone. I had just watched someone who was doing exactly that and had witnessed the difference it made.

That day I had recently returned from a trip to India — incidentally, my 71^st trip! Over the years, it’s become increasingly difficult for me to get my circadian rhythm back in sync after the 10.5-hour time zone change. It now takes me nearly a month to regain my normal sleeping schedule. So I have lots of early morning hours tossing and turning. Or on the nights when I can motivate myself to get out of the bed, I read or write email correspondence. That night I had insomnia as usual.

Snuggling into my worn-out easy chair in the wee hours of the morning, a little bleary-eyed, I started to think of the many friends that had enriched my life; each in their own unique way. As I thought of each one, a warm feeling flitted into my soul. My mind began to reach back to my high school friends, college friends, and all my kids’ friends (who had also become my friends — along with their parents). With ten kids, the list went on and on.

There were several people I could remember with fondness but could not place their names. That scared me. I didn’t want to lose those memories. I decided to get out my laptop and create an Excel document, simply listing friends, along with a quick synopsis of their influence in my life.

This little exercise continued night after night. The number of names on my list is now staggering. Reading over my list has a magical effect on me. I inevitably feel overwhelmed with gratitude for each person that has impacted my life. Those feelings of gratitude inexorably lift my spirits. God has brought so many wonderful people into my life! I can’t help but think that every name on my list is a direct blessing from Him. Looking at my list is a visual reminder of God’s hand in my life. He has been caring for me so generously!

One of the things this little exercise has taught me is that not only have these people enriched my lives, but I can think of ways that I may have blessed their lives as well. If you want to be equally amazed at God’s influence in your life, you might think about your own friends.

If you’re interested, here are some of the ways I started realizing friends had come into my life; each one bringing their own unique gifts. You would have other categories to add to this list.

• Start with family. Both John and I come from large families and both families have remained close, so there are lots of cousins, aunts and uncles, nieces, nephews, in-laws, and so on.
• If you have kids, recognize that they are your greatest connectors. When we get older, we no longer have that pipeline so we ought to take advantage of those relationships while we can. All their friends have parents who become our friends as we interact getting our kids together.
• I think of kids that were on my kids’ ball teams, dance groups and wrestling teams, and their parents. I’ve spent a lot of time waiting during practices, ball games, and karate and dance classes. It’s a great time to reach out to other parents who are also waiting. With ten children, you can imagine how that number multiplied!
• Go back in time. List teachers in both school and church who have impacted you.
• That automatically brings up people that YOU have taught: in YW, in Primary, seminary, institute, nursery, etc. I’ve taught 10 years of early morning seminary and spoken for years at BYU Education Week.  I have loved every student, even the class clowns and the class disruptors. I have prayed for them and tried to creatively work with each one. I’ll bet you’ve done the same. And all those students had parents you naturally become close to.
• How about old school and neighborhood friends? These were wonderful relationships at the time. Putting them on the list is sure to bring back great memories.
• Did you serve a mission? Think of all the people you taught and loved, your leaders, your companions, the areas you served in, and the people you became close to. In my case, John and I were blessed to serve two missions. In our mission together, we oversaw nearly 500 missionaries throughout the three years. Each one was precious, especially the challenging ones! We still hear regularly from many of them. It’s been so fun to follow them through marriages, having children, jobs, church callings, and the other great life milestones. In fact, one of our sister missionaries married one of our sons!
• Being in the Church gives you so many other opportunities to reach out. You have had wonderful teachers and ministering brothers and sisters. Or if you’re old, like me, you’ve spent years both being and having Visiting Teachers and Home Teachers. You’ve likely spent a year or two with scouting, either Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts. What about Girls’ Camp or Scout camp? (Fun fact: one of our sons married a girl I met at Girls’ Camp) In my past 73 years I have lived in 16 wards: I can look back on a slew of friends in each ward.
• You’ve had Church leaders in your wards and stakes. You’ve probably served in the different organizations of the Church: Young Women, Young Men, Primary, Sunday School, Relief Society, Elders Quorum and Seminary. You’ve possibly served at both ward and stake levels. As you serve with others, you become closely connected with them. In each of these callings/activities you’ve likely been introduced to many people who have become dear friends. In my case, in 55 years of service, I’ve been able to have a lot of callings in the Church and rub shoulders with a lot of incredible people!
• Think of all the people who have taught your own kids at both Church and school.
• Don’t forget business associates and their spouses. For example, I’ve played violin in two professional symphonies, two chamber orchestras, two opera companies, and two ballet companies. So many delightful colleagues!
• Remember social groups, book clubs, PTAs, neighborhood organizations, dinner groups, volunteer work, exercise groups. For example, John and I have a biking group that goes on a trip together every year.
• Do you have to travel for your work? Both John and I have to travel extensively. We laugh at the many friends I have made on plane trips, while he never speaks to the person next to him. I have met many people that have become supporters for Rising Star Outreach while sitting next to them on a plane. Even Uber and Lyft drivers have become friends.
• We each have individual interests, so we each have unique outreaches. Your life will obviously look different from mine. In my life, my work at Rising Star Outreach with the leprosy-affected people of India has enabled me to work with hundreds of students and patients, hundreds of supporters and volunteers, as well as staff and Board members in both India and the United States. Also, I’ve written to dozens of prisoners at the Utah State Prison who have been supporters of our work. Totally unexpected! Yet they have impacted my life, and hopefully, I have impacted theirs as well.

Before this little late-night exercise, I had never realized how many people had danced into my life, leaving beauty and interest.

In each of these groups, I’ve had the choice to either reach out and make connections and friends, or just to nod and say hello. In many cases I was wise enough to reach out. I’m afraid that in too many other cases, I missed great opportunities to expand and enrich my life.

Yesterday, a friend shared that during Covid, a member in one of her former relief society presidencies (years earlier), called her and said she’d decided to not just sit isolated, but to reach out to past friends. In this case, the friendship has rekindled over the phone, and they are now closer than they were when they worked together in the Relief Society.

As I look back on each name on my list, I am filled with memories of the warmth of that friendship. What a great feeling! My New Year’s resolution is to reach back out to many of the people on my list and rekindle friendships. It doesn’t take much to reach out and touch someone.

Go for it! Your lives will also be enriched and touched.