Personal Voice

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A week or so ago I was back out in the south-eastern part of the country visiting my little bro and singing with the Baptist Choir of Awesomeness again (which has nothing to do with this article but was so much fun, and filled with such robust music, that I thought I’d throw a reference to it in here. And maybe someday the tiny ripples of this comment will make it to the powers that be and we’ll find a few more soul stirring music breaks being thrown into our sacrament meetings. It could happen.)

Um . . .

What was I . . .? Seems like I was doing something important here . . .

Oh yes! Writing an article about talking too much. Sorry.

So, I was visiting the sib, and we had a long, commiserating chat about how longly he and I generally chat in life, and how sometimes the longness of our chatting with others gets us into trouble, and how nice it would be if we just weren’t like that. Sigh.

Then on the flight home, bro texted me a statement someone had made to him on this very topic. A statement apparently made by that person’s Irish Grandmother (which, of course, is something everyone has.) That statement is this:

“The less said, the easier mended”

Hmm.

The less said, the easier mended.

The LESS said.

Is that a thing?

Saying less. Is it? A thing that one can actually, you know, do?

I don’t know. So I researched it and came up with this stuff from King James’ Bible. It’s all good, but I don’t know how much credibility to give it. I mean, there are 1,281 pages in the KJV. It’s not like King James never said anything. But dude was a king, and this is his version of the Bible. So, here you go:

• “…but he that refraineth his lips [is] wise.” (Prov. 10:19) Cool. So I can be smart if I don’t talk. I can also walk around with a set of sprained lips, because I got no idea how one refrains those things.
• “…he that shutteth his lips [is esteemed] a man of understanding.” (Prov. 17:28) Well, that might explain our current political situation.
• “Be not rash with thy mouth…” (Eccl. 5:2) This one is obvious. Why would you want a rash in your mouth?
• “He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life.” (Prov. 13:3) Clearly. I mean, if you think about what it would take to give away your mouth . . . yeah.

And finally:

• “If any man offend not in word, the same [is] a perfect man, [and] able also to bridle the whole body.” (James 3:2)

Wait, wait. This last one. If you can have the self-control to speak in such a way that you don’t offend people, you have control of your whole body? Seriously? Like, no over eating, no staying up until dawn playing video games, no forgetting to exercise or floss for a decade?

And then add to it what grandma says, in her perfect Irish accent: “The less said the easier mended.” It’s less work, too?

So like, not only will the kind of self-discipline it takes to pause before you speak give you the same self-discipline in everything else you do, but you won’t have to run around mending fences and installing a beeper on your forehead to warn those around you every time you have to verbally back up.

Well. Who knew? I mean, besides Celtic Granny and King J up there. This seems like . . . a good thing. And also, if so many people have used so many words to say that we must all say less, and in a less say-ee way, there must be something possible about it. I can just imagine the repercussions . . .

• If I throw everything I’m thinking right out there before I have a chance to pick through it and toss the rubble, I’ve got no way to Hoover back up again the stuff I wish I hadn’t said. But! If I turn my brain on before every conversation and switch it to LIPS REFRAINED mode, I’ll be able to pick through the dross before it gets out there, thereby keeping my dignity intact, and the other person’s ears and boundaries protected. Also, I might learn something about said other person.
• In my experience, talking before listening is a credibility killer. But! Taking a second to breathe and listen first gives my analytical and intelligence skills a chance to elbow their way to the front, so that when I do speak, what I say has actual balance and merit, and may make a real difference.
• Waiting however long it takes for me to wrap my brain around an entire concept before expounding upon it can actually lead to much greater safety for me, as I have not thrown my thoughts out there before I have a solid grasp on them, and they will better withstand scrutiny. Also, I’ve noticed that I retain an amount of personal power proportional to how long I seek to listen and understand before speaking. Because again, once my words are out there, they are out there. And so is their impact. And I’m left flapping in the breeze of it all. I hate flapping.
• And finally, if I wait until I can say it short, sweet, and with accuracy, people are just going to like me better. Because I will be nicer. And calmer. And my lips won’t look sprained.

Ah, I see. Lots of good reasons to hold back the speaking until the thinking can take place. Now all I need to figure out is how. Going to have to research that. I suspect it’s as simple as being interested in others, and being interested in learning. Taking a breath and calming down enough to let the other person see you care about them more than your need to say something. Sounds challenging, but I have confidence I’ll get it. Understanding the thing is the first step. Meanwhile, thank heavens for Google. And King James. And yoga. And if all else fails, my year supply of duct tape.