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We’ve all heard it and lived it—a slice of bread will always land buttered-side down, you’ll run into five people you know when you look your worst, the phone will ring when you step into the shower, and as soon as you find a product you like they will stop making it.
But it seems to permeate LDS life, as well. Here are a few laws I’ve observed that might ring true for you as well:
- When you plan an activity tailored to the specific interests of a less-active family, that will be the weekend they go out of town, and can’t attend.
- If you don’t like reading in public, you will be given the longest quote to read for the teacher of your class.
- When there’s a brand new counselor and the bishop goes on vacation, that will be the Sacrament meeting when a speaker pulls out his cell phone and plays a rock song into the microphone.
- When you finally get the neighbor you’ve been fellowshipping to come to church, it will be the Fast and Testimony meeting when Sister Smith gives an extremely detailed account of her childbirth.
- When there’s no chorister and you volunteer to fill in, the hymn will be in 6/8 time.
- The first time your son blesses the Sacrament, that will be when the mike shorts out and won’t work.
- When it’s your turn to wash the tablecloths used for the family meal following a funeral, that will be the time when someone gave their kids permanent markers to occupy them and keep them quiet.
- When you drive scouts back from a campout, your car will carry the very noisiest ones and you will get a flat tire, which prolongs the trip.
- When you remove your shoes for your child’s temple wedding ceremony, someone will move them and you’ll have to be barefoot in all the photos afterwards.
- The one time a tornado touches down in your community will be the day of your daughter’s wedding, followed by a garden reception.
- You will get laryngitis the morning of the choir performance.
- When you have the entire Mutual coming to your home for a party, your vacuum and disposal will break the same morning.
- The day you volunteer to substitute in Primary, four families have visitors and there will be four new and incredibly rowdy kids in your class. And it will be Fast Sunday so you can’t bring any bribes. I mean treats.
- Just as your calling becomes comfortable, you will get released.
- When you sign up to help someone move from a one-bedroom apartment, it will turn out to be a four-bedroom house.
- The one time your five-year-old utters a swear word she heard at school, the Stake President will be behind you in line at the supermarket.
And thus we see that we are not immune to the forces of humor that seem determined to toy with us, keep us on our toes, and teach us humility. We’ve been told that God will have a humble people, so here you go—we’re on our way!
Watch the music video of Hilton’s song, What Makes a Woman, from her new musical, The Best Medicine (with music by Jerry Williams). Her books and YouTube Mom videos are available on her website, here. Hilton currently serves as a Relief Society President.