At the passing of our dear prophet President Russell M. Nelson, we could picture him being embraced by our Savior, who would say, “Welcome home, thou good and faithful servant.” I picture the tender reunion with his wife Dantzel and their two daughters, who have already passed on, as well as with other family members. I picture the happy reunion with Thomas S. Monson, M. Russell Ballard, Gordon B. Hinckley, Spencer W. Kimball, and others with whom he faithfully served for so many years.
Likewise, here on earth, we usually look forward to going back to our earthly home. We look forward to going home for Christmas. We look forward to our return from a mission. We look forward to familiar surroundings. We look forward to returning to the familiar faces of those we love. However, there can be times when thoughts of going home can cause genuine stress and profound anxiety. You might even be thinking of situations where stress and anxiety can occur.
One example is when missionaries need to return home early. Another example is when men and women return home after serving time in prison. Obviously, these situations are quite different in many ways. However, in both of these situations, those missionaries and those men and women have similar concerns: Will people be critical and judge me? Will I be accepted by my family? Will I be accepted by my ward or by the community? Will I be shunned for returning home early or for serving time in prison?
In prison, my therapy teammate explained to those men what he called the 20-60-20 rule. [These numbers illustrate the rule and are not necessarily from research, but they emphasize his point.] He explained that, generally speaking, 20% of people will accept you no matter what. They love you and accept you no matter what you did or what you did not do. They will love you and encourage you and be there for you without hesitation. Accept their love and encouragement with sincere humility and great gratitude.
Another 20% will be critical and judgmental no matter what. They might reject you and completely shun you. They won’t attempt to understand your situation in the mission field. They won’t acknowledge that in prison, you paid the price to society and have turned your life around. Until they have a mighty change of heart, they won’t be there for you. Then it’s important not to judge them or criticize them. We don’t want to be distracted from continuing to move forward ourselves.
The remaining 60% are simply so busy that they are preoccupied with their own lives and responsibilities that they keep moving on, and sometimes it might seem that they are moving past you and completely ignoring you. In reality, they might not run up in church and hug you or shake your hand because they are preoccupied getting their children to Primary or hurrying to a teaching assignment. Could they do better? Sure. Again, now is not the time for us to be critical and judgmental of others for what they are doing or not doing. Just be grateful to be home.
For missionaries who come home early, Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles emphasized two key points in missionary service — the decision to serve a mission and the acceptance of the missionary call extended by the prophet of God.
He said, “Many of our missionaries have prepared themselves from childhood to serve a mission. They decided of their own free will, they wanted to go. And then they accepted the call from the Prophet of God to serve as a disciple of Jesus Christ, as a representative of the Savior, wherever the Lord would assign them for however long.”
“There have been other times in history when missionaries have had unexpected releases — due to health concerns, accidents, war or other circumstances,” Elder Uchtdorf added. “The key points are the decision to go and the decision to accept.”
“Everything that happens after that is often influenced by circumstances not within the decision of the missionary,” he added. “You prepared, you accepted the call and you gave your best. That is what counts. That is what makes all the difference. That is what makes a missionary.”
“The Lord,” he promised, “accepts the sacrifices and service of every missionary who served with all their heart, might, and strength, even if they had to be released earlier than anticipated. Be the best missionary you can be now and make the best out of the time in front of you,” he said. “And remember, you will be a missionary for the rest of your life.” (Quoted from: COVID-19: ‘Our precious missionaries are the pioneers of our day.’ By Sarah Jane Weaver, Church News, 15 APR 2020)
President Jeffrey R. Holland recorded a video for missionaries who had to return early which included these remarks. “When someone asks if you’ve served a mission, you say yes,” he said. “… Cherish the service you rendered. Be grateful for the opportunity to have testified, to have been out in the name of the Lord, to have worn that missionary name plaque. … Please, please do not relive this; do not rehash it; do not think you’re inadequate or a failure.” (Jeffrey R. Holland, “Elder Holland’s Counsel for Early Returned Missionaries” (video), ChurchofJesusChrist.org/media-library.}
For those of us who are welcoming others back into the ward or into the community, let us be among the 20% who unhesitatingly welcome them with great love and kindness. If we are in the 60% who are preoccupied with other responsibilities, let us take a minute (or more) from our busy schedules to reach out with welcome arms. If we are in the 20% who are tempted to be critical or judgmental, let us repent and be as welcoming as our Savior. Admittedly, there are certain times when we need to set healthy boundaries in relationships, but our attitude should still be welcoming, loving, and kind.
May the Lord bless us to feel His love as we return home, as we welcome others who are returning home, and especially as we prepare to return to our eternal home to be with Him.
